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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to wash my hands of this friend..

25 replies

delilahbelle · 15/11/2010 16:35

I think IANBU, but reckon I should get a balanced answer.
This is just the most recent thing, but she's done similar in the past.

It's my DHs birthday next week. At the end of last month I invited a load of people out for a meal with us. Not a big birthday, so I didn't chase everyone. Some people said yes, some people no.

My friend said no as she might be doing something with her boyfriend, fair enough, I booked the restarent for the rest of us. Didn't bother asking her again, although I did mention it to her boyfriend, he was noncommital and didnt say they wanted to come.

Today I get a text saying "we are in for DHs thing after all."

I texted back that we were actually out in and would she like me to see if I could extend the booking for the meal.

I get back a text saying "if you are going to be funny with me we won't make the effort"

WTF?!

She does this a lot - won't commit to things, is late, and then expects the rest of us to organise everything around her. Get's pissy if arrangements change, even if she said she didn't want to come to the original event. Anytime she is invited to anything she says "maybe" and then only says yes at the last minute - normally meaning running around for the rest of us (me) who is the organising one in our group of friends.

I reckon she is annoyed because I said "if they could extend the booking" implying I hand't booked for her or included her, despite her saying no originally.

BTW - I tried to call her and she wouldn't pick her phone up. I've not changed the restaurent booking to add her in (it's a popular one, doubt they would anyway)

And breathe.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/11/2010 16:39

Send her a text telling her 'Don't make the effort then. At all. Goodbye. Have a nice life.'

Then delete her from everything.

She's not a friend, she's a pain in the arse.

McDreamy · 15/11/2010 16:42

Life's too short to have to chase around "friends" like that.

AMumInScotland · 15/11/2010 16:43

Well, you don't exactly have to wash your hands of her, just not run round after her. Assuming she's actually a friend in terms of her having some purpose or value in your life. I would maybe text again saying "So do you want me to try to change the restaurant booking to include you or not?" and see what reaction you get.

saffy85 · 15/11/2010 16:43

Just stop making the effort. She's being a drama queen because she expects you to fall over yourself to make it up to her. Wouldn't even text her back at all.

Byblyofyle · 15/11/2010 16:43

yanbu

KurriKurri · 15/11/2010 16:44

She sound very hard work. I don't think YABU I'd probably give her a wide berth.

You invited her she declined, then changed her mind at the last minute, you said you would try to accommodate her change and she send you a rude text. She's sounds like a visitor from planet self-obsessed.

delilahbelle · 15/11/2010 16:45

Thank you.

Exactly what I feel - I am going to stop returning her calls.

I think it was this last text which bought it home to me - I chase round after her trying to organise nights out, and she decides at the last minute whether to attend or not.

OP posts:
delilahbelle · 15/11/2010 16:47

AMuminScotland We have known each other since school, I am rapidly losing patience with her. About the only thing we do have is shared history - and I'm not sure it's enough.

OP posts:
Lovemybrood · 15/11/2010 16:52

Knackers to her. Leave her to it and go and have a fabulous night.

SlightlyJaded · 15/11/2010 16:56

Confused It's all about your DH. Not her. She's an arse.

AMumInScotland · 15/11/2010 17:00

Ah, she's not really a friend any more then, you just haven't quite got to the point of stopping thinking of her as one. In that case, don't bother replying to her huffy text, just carry on as planned and have a great night out. No point running round trying to accommodate someone who is that selfish.

ENormaSnob · 15/11/2010 17:00

Can't be arsed with people like this.

A simple "fuck off" should suffice.

delilahbelle · 15/11/2010 18:27

I have deleted her number from my phone, and hidden her from my newsfeed on fbook (to wussy to delete her from there, as it will be obvious if she looks, and I don't want to give her an excuse to bitch about me)

Phew.

Just a shame really, as DH gets on well with her other half... but then he's quite capable of managing his own friendships.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/11/2010 18:42

Really, don't waste any more of your time on this person, delilah. She doesn't care.

Lulumaam · 15/11/2010 18:44

I'd have replied ' you said you weren't coming 3 weeks ago, so as I'd not heard different, I thought that still stood. Don't worry about it. Don't want to put you out. '

and leave it at that

SkyBluePearl · 15/11/2010 18:44

Tell her the name it's booked under and say she can always ring the restuarant to extend the booking herself as she seems unsure and you are busy.

TryLikingClarity · 15/11/2010 19:14

OP - does her name begin with the letter R? I have a 'friend' just like this. Does my fecking head in.

Focus on your DH's birthday and don't waste your energy worrying about her, she clearly isn't worried about you.

CrazyPlateLady · 15/11/2010 19:27

YANBU. I sooo cannot be assed with 'friends' like this.

Squitten · 15/11/2010 19:41

YANBU - I really haven't got the patience or the time to devote to people like that. It's a very teenage mentality...

onceamai · 15/11/2010 19:43

Why does everyone run around after her. She's invited - she makes up her mind - end of. If she changes her mind - tough, it's too late. She'll soon learn when everyone stops pandering.

cumfy · 15/11/2010 20:22

although I did mention it to her boyfriend, he was noncommital and didnt say they wanted to come.

So, this was the last contact you had with them prior to her text ?

Without knowing more about that conversation it's a bit hard to say.

How was he able to remain "noncommital" ?
Didn't you say you needed to know one way or the other ?
Presumably she knew of this conversation and counted herself "in" on it ?
Were those arrangements mentioned to him or ?
etc.

InGodWeTrust · 15/11/2010 20:24

YANBU

cumfy · 15/11/2010 20:30

Maybe BF has given her some inaccurate info like "just contact Delilah by 15/11" ?

cumfy · 15/11/2010 20:36

Just a shame really, as DH gets on well with her other half.

Errrrm, so is in fact the main relationship between the 2 men ?

If so, since it's your DH birthday, shouldn't the main "invite" be to him not her ?

delilahbelle · 15/11/2010 20:59

Ah god - I don't want this to be by stealth...

DH and her DP gets on well because they have interests in common - but they are not friends except through me and her. As well as being at school with her I was at Uni with both of them so know him quite well.

I told her DP of the invite on fbook chat about a week ago - asked if he had heard about the invite and if they were interested in joining us as I was booking the table that day - he said 'dunno' and left the conversation, so I didn't book for them. Literally a two line conversation before he logged off...

Anyway, she phoned me, acting like the text message hadn't been sent Hmm, asking what the plan was. So I explained the table was booked for the rest of us, gave her the details (thanks for the idea SkyBluePearl) and said she was welcome to call up and add herself to the booking.

She then backpedalled a bit, said she might have to meet some of her other friends for a drink and didn't know her plans. Normally at this point I would start trying to persuade her to join us, but today I just told her to let me know if she did decide to join us Grin

I am not going to chase her anymore, we have a lot of history, but I am fed up of doing the running. I don't even MIND if she doesn't want to come out, it's the constant changing her mind and her need to be persuaded that does my head in.

OP posts:
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