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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think an 8 year old should not have been involved in this?

27 replies

booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:36

4.30 this morning i was woken by screaming outside my house. it was terrified screaming. i ran to the window and my neighbour was standing infront of her partner's car in tears and pleading with him. he was revving the engine at her, edging the car closer and closer to her. her 8 year old daughter was screaming and crying and desperatly pulling her mum's arm to get her out of the way of the car. after about a minute the mum did give up and fell away to the side of the car and her partner raced off. the mum and daughter went sobbing back into the house. i have witnessed this couple's drunken rows before, they liek doing it in teh street, loud and clear for all to see but i have never before seen the woman's daughter there while it was going on. i am pretty disgusted with both of them tbh. and 8 year old shouldn't have had to see or do that.

OP posts:
mummytoatribe · 14/11/2010 13:38

No she shouldnt have been involved and that for me would be enough to alert the appropriate authorities. If neither of them can see that that is wrong then someone else needs to tell them :(

scurryfunge · 14/11/2010 13:39

Do you think they had been drinking? Did you call the police?

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:42

scurry i'm not sure the mum had a baby 8 weeks ago so not sure if she's drinking again or not. i didn't call the police, I'm not getting involved in their bust ups. but i think i will call children's services on monday and tell them I'm concerned about the girl and baby. his car still isn't back.

OP posts:
earwicga · 14/11/2010 13:44

You could of called the police if you thought the driver had been drinking.

scurryfunge · 14/11/2010 13:45

Definitely report it -just thinking that police will have to refer to SS if a child witnesses that sort of behaviour.

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:46

true earwicga, i probably should have. i was just so shocked that the girl had seen all this i didn't even think about whether he had been drinking until i thought about it again this morning when i got up.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 14/11/2010 13:47

why not go next door and have a chat instead of calling the police...

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:47

so should i phone the police or SS on monday then? or both?

OP posts:
BuffDayKnickers0nMyHead · 14/11/2010 13:48

Sad poor kids.

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:48

mumcentre i don't want to get involved with them, i have seen their rows, i don't want to become one of them.

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 14/11/2010 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:49

tbh mumcentre, if he is prepared to do that to his partner and stepdaughter and the mum is prepared to let her witness it, i don't imagine they would hold back on a neighbour.

OP posts:
Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:50

good idea toughasoldboots.

OP posts:
Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 13:51

i have to go out with dcs now so i am not ignoring if i don't reply to any posts.

OP posts:
lljkk · 14/11/2010 13:51

I would try to have a chat, too, but a lot depends what they are like, only OP knows how approachable they are.

If you can't talk to them direct, OP, phone SS, although I'm not sure what you can say, the girl shouldn't be outside at 4:30am? She shouldn't see her parents rowing? The girl could have been run over (she wasn't)? I'm not sure there's enough for SS to go on, hence why a neighbourly chat could be a lot more helpful. Police will only refer the matter to them, anyway. Poor family :(.

Mumcentreplus · 14/11/2010 13:52

Not saying that you should get completely involved but its easy to see something from the outside and make a judgement..perhaps just speaking to her about what happened will give her the resolve not to put her DD in that position again...but its your call

earwicga · 14/11/2010 14:06

Phone social services booyhoo as the police will only refer it onto them, as I have found out in the past when I reported an assault on a child. On that occasion I was asked if I would make a formal statement and I declined because my children were very small and quite frankly I was scared of any comeback. One of the very few things in life that I am ashamed of now as I was much more able to defend myself than that child was.

glammanana · 14/11/2010 15:04

dont hesitate in informing SS and police,dont have to wait until monday as always a On-call SS offical on duty,what do
people do when they witness this sort of behaviour and not report it,only at a later
date for a more serious offence to happen?
always better be safe than sorry,

PinkieMinx · 14/11/2010 15:13

Am confused as to what SS will do?
The couple had a row - a nasty one and not appropriate for child to witness but there are worse things happening.
I agree with mumcentre. Sounds like the mother needs friendly support not judging by SS.
The mother's still full of hormones from the baby - understand they've argued before- but it can be a VERY difficult time.

mousesma · 14/11/2010 15:18

PinkieMinx the SS can ensure that the family have the appropriate support they need.
The SS isn't all about judging or whipping kids into care. They are there also to help struggling families.

PinkieMinx · 14/11/2010 15:21

I would feel judged if SS came to my home to discuss how I raise DC. That may make the mother feel worse. But child should come first so I guess SS may be a good call.

Original poster
booyhoo · 14/11/2010 15:24

pinkie why do you assume SS will judge rather than support this family? SS are there to support are they not? she wouldn't see me cahtting to her about it as friendly support. she would see it as me sticking my nose in. i doubt she would let me past the door once she realised what i wanted to talk about. she would see me as judging. perhaps i am but i know an child shouldn't have to see that and shouldn't have to pull her mum from the path of a car that is threatening to run her down.

i understand why some of you think i should speak to the mum but i know it will only bring a whole load of shit onto me. shit i really don't want. they are very confrontational. the mum hasn't been shy about bitching to other neighbours in the street. i don't want to invite that on myself. i don't want my dcs drawn into that.

i wasn't aware i could contact SS over the weekend so i will do now.

OP posts:
PinkieMinx · 14/11/2010 15:30

I think they will do both - judge the family then offer support accordingly- as is their job, no?

But sounds like you know this family of old and are making best choice.

FWIW I called NSPCC about a local family. Am not saying it is not right thing to do.

mousesma · 14/11/2010 19:37

For what it's worth Pinkie I would feel judged too if SS knocked on my door so I do see your point. Just wanted to point out that calling the SS might have value in this case.

grapeandlemon · 14/11/2010 19:45

There is no way I would approach them I would call SS and report. She has a 8 wk old baby and both the children are at risk from a situation like this.