to insist my MiL does the job properly

[kellestar]

My DH has decided to paint our dining room today, I'm due our first LO in four weeks and he didn't want me on a roller or a paint brush, so invited his mum up to paint. Now she's using her really old ratty paintbrush, slapping it on, leaving brush strokes and moulting bristles everywhere. She's also using a radiator roller brush a shaggy coated one instead of a proper roller that still has bits of previous painting efforts, this little roller of hers is not rolling properly so leaving streaks and it's not giving a smooth even coat. Her house is wallpapered [even the ceilings] as she hates painting so much.

Typical MiL she's rushing the job and not making an effort for it to be neat at all. It's going from white to a Sage Green and the wall that's dried looks bloody awful, I'm probably going to have to sand it smooth and give it two or three coats in the new year.

I am upstairs fuming at the moment, blood boiling and crying like a pathetic pregnant person who really wants to send MIL home and get on with it myself.

AIBU to expect someone to do a proper job and/or DH to let her know that she needs to be careful? I know I'm not paying her, and I avoid asking her for help as she always rushes and does a half-arsed job. I would rather have left it until the new year, once I've recovered a bit and done a proper job.

Just do it again in the new year. It would be so rude to criticise.

Make her stop asap.
Tell her you want another colour or something .

You can sort put the mess later on. But make her stop now or it will drive you nuts.

Be glad she wants to help. Could swap with you if you like - don't think you'd end up too happy though!

Grab your Dh and get him to ask her to put masking tape round the skirting boards or something else she can't get wrong. Her presence is only helpful if she actually helps. If you can't distract her with another job, wait til she goes home and make DH do it again properly.

Meant to add that you don't need two people to paint a room. It's nice to have help but not essential, so your DH could go over it later. Can he ask her to clear up as he goes along or make tea?

No, you don't have to be grateful for someone doing a half arsed job.

Call DH upstairs - tell him they have to stop NOW. He can tell her the paint fumes are making you feel ill - anything.

The more paint they put on, the worse it will be.

Tell DH that if HE decides to do this when you aren't in a fit state to help (though I can't see why you can't paint myself) then HE has to do it and do it PROPERLY, as you do not want to have to sand it and do it again in the NY.

Twat.

You say that DH doesn't want you on a ladder - but surely that is YOUR decision. Do you think you are fit to help?? I wouldn't let DH be deciding these things for me.....

I would be upset as well - if she couldn't be bothered to do it properly, she shouldn't do it at all. However, it's going to be too difficult to say anything so I would just sort it out next year yourself. Really annoying and you are not being unreasonable, you will just have to wait to sort it out.

I've called DH upstairs and he told me off for being unreasonable. I'm capable of doing the job myself, but I would pay for it later. SPD that has been hammering me for weeks now and I tend to push myself and then regret it. I've tried distracting her, she's been here since 8am, she's cleaned the cupboards in the kitchen and ignored my advice when putting things back where I had them and has put things away in places she would in her kitchen. DH said he'd sort it out with me this evening. She can't do much more as she's got a bad back and can't bend or stretch so she's doing all the big 'middle' bit's while he cuts in and does the ceiling.

He went against my advice of leaving it to the new year and the first I heard that he'd ignored me was when she came in at 8am and I was eating toast in my pants and socks in the kitchen. Yes I mean that literally. She has a key and can just walk straight in, no one else bar us two have a key so it was completely unexpected. I had planned to hop in the shower in 2 minutes time.

My mum loves to paint and makes a darned good job of it, if he'd told me that was his plan I would have asked her over instead. My mum changes the colour of the walls in our her house every six months, it used to drive me insane when I lived there.

I did wonder about calling her now and asking her over to help. But that will just make the situation worse. I'm just miffed that DH will not stand up to his mum.

Tell him to go round picking out the hairs as they will be a nightmare once dried! and to smooth out the brush marks.

Tell him to say he really appreciates the help but that it needs to be finished off properly.

Ahem. What sage is it? I'm on the hunt for one !
Sneak and have a look will you?!

The more you say, the more pissed off I am on your behalf. Tell your DH that he's got no right to be calling you U. He wanted to do this, he invited his mother round to 'help', it's up to him to make sure the job gets done properly.

Get your key back today. I'd be most put out if my MIL just walked into my house when I wasn't dressed or expecting her. wouldn't like it from my mum either.

Words need to be had with your DH

Blimey, WHY has she got a key, and surely she knocks before coming in.... Get that key off her now. And get DH to tell her to back off.

And DH should not be telling you off....you are not a five year old schoolgirl - what goes on in your house is between you and DH and not him and his mother!!!! He should have discussed and agreed what was happening with you.

She will be telling you how to bring the baby up if she is not reined in now.

Can´t imagine how big the room must be that it needs two to paint it!

It's harder to repair the mess than it is to start again from scratch. And no, you really do not have to be grateful for someone doing a botch job in your house and interfering.
Thank her, say that you appreciate the effort, but that you'd rather finish it yourself. And get the key back. You do not want her just walking in when you're at home with the baby. You need your space and privacy. AND to be mistress in your own home!

And for what it's worth, I painted my bedroom when DS was only a few weeks old. I took my time and it was vert therapeutic. When he needed feeding or changing I just put everything down, covered the tray with clingfilm, and just picked it all back up again once he was asleep. Modern pants don't smell and are not a risk. I got a huge sense of satisfaction and felt normal and productive again.

onthepiste it's forest lake 3 or 4, dulux mix and match. It's a little olivey/sagey. Would look lovely if the jobs done properly. B&Q had the mix and match 2.5l on offer.

Key will be asked for on the way out the door, but I know DH will hand it back to her during the week. He likes to know his mum can help me out if I get stuck. The technique is to leave a key in the door on the inside, then she can't turn her key on the outside and must ring the doorbell, giving me time to get a robe on and tell her to feck off through the letter box. :)

anothersplaceisinthewrong she has already given me instructions [written] on how Darling Grandchild must be brought up. Sadly, I'm hoping it's a boy as she won't be interested, she wants granddaughters as she had no girls of her own.

I'm asking santa for a backbone this year! Lets hope he doesn't turn around and go straight back up the chimney when he sees the job she's done as it's the only room with a flue. Maybe I can use that as a reason to stop her decorating, she'll just be ruining babies first christmas!

Kellestar - she's given you written instructions of how to bring up your child???

Get the key off her now!

She's given you written instructions on how to bring the baby up????????????

Get the key and tell DH he will be living with her if he gives her it back.

I'm not sure if he's being sweet or controlling wanting her to be able to get in to help you if you need it - but whatever, tell him it is not necessary.

I have the key to my elderly aunts, my Mums & several friends. I have a different 'etiquette' for each one, however, in your situation I would knock... it's the only decent thing to do. You should be able to sit around in your pants (or nothing!) in your own home without worrying if she's going to wander in.

I'd say you have to nip this in the bud now, but this flower has well and truly bloomed. Written instructions on how to raise my child would get my MIL my boot up her arse, as I kicked her out of my house!

You need to reclaim your house. Tell your DH that you don't want her having a key to your house and you don't want her botching your decorating or rearranging your cupboards. The time for diplomacy has passed kellestar!

Kellestar - how detailed are these instructions? Has she tried to make out they're a list of 'helpful' hints and tips or is it literally a mini book of instructions??

She sounds controlling. I know my Mum looked horrified when my brother fed his 3 month old ice cream but she would never have presumed to write him a list of do's and don'ts for raising his daughter!

It´s all very well relatives having a spare key for emergencies or for you if you lose one.

But letting themselves in-get that key back!

My ILs had a key which my husband had left them for emergencies.

And when MIL, after I had moved in (with tears in her eyes) put it on the table & said (with trembling voice) "I won´t be needing this any more, will I?", I don´t think anyone had ever seen me move so fast.

Oh dear, she sounds a nightmare.

What did your husband think of the instructions?

Please say he laughed & binned them!

Definitely think you should walk into the room, burst into tears and say it's worse than you imagined and just turn and walk out again mumbling about how long it is going to take you to put right.

Then go into the kitchen and look to make a cup of tea/whatever - that you know your mil has moved into the completely different place - and then swear loudly and storm stagger back into the dining room to ask your mil where the tea/whatever is as you can't find anything in your own kitchen any more.

then sit down and write out a guide on how to be a good grandmother and give it to her sure there are lots of good bits on MN that will give you plenty of hints on the excesses that some MIL get up to with their new grand kids or the liberties they take that will provide plenty of fodder for the 'granny must not ...' list!

Why don't you just get a chap in to do it? No tears, no fuss, or just bloody well do it yourself!