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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take my daughter to a planned event this evening

43 replies

mulranno · 12/11/2010 18:03

My 9 year yr dd - has been hideous this eve rude, demanding, etc - we have an event planned at her school which we have been looking forward to (just the 2 of us) I have said that I will not take her if she does not behave....what should I do stick to my guns - or give in to save face (amongst friends?)

OP posts:

PyramidofScotcheggs · 12/11/2010 20:38

You have to stick to your guns, hard as it is.
I did this to DD last year.
I didn't take her to the Dr Who exhibition on the last day of it, and I still feel gutted about it, for her, it was the right thing to do, she was behaving like a cow!
She has learned nothing from it, still behaves the same on occasion, but that's something to deal with at the time, she certainly doesn't get taken anywhere if she carries on.

onimolap · 13/11/2010 13:55

What happened? Did you go?

ChippingIn · 13/11/2010 14:17

Did you go?

Runmeragged - WTF?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 13/11/2010 15:05

I think Runmeragged is probably run ragged by her DC's with parenting philosophies like that

Original poster

mulranno · 13/11/2010 17:42

No we did not go... was expecting a 3 hr tantrum but that did not happen - she eventually calmed down (1/2hr)and said sorry and begged me to take her late but I said No. I think that this was a difficult one as I could have imposed another sanction for her bad behaviour ie loss of her Saturday sweets - and it some ways I felt heavy handed - however it would have felt bizarre (rewarding?)to take a badly behaved child out at that time with the punishment defered to the next day. She is v good and quiet etc at school and with friends but v agressive and abusive at home calls me fat cow etc ... and I can only see this escalating as I had a really disturbing call with my sister during the week whose 12 yr DD is also "challenging" -- and this week called my sister a F*ing C**T and we als sending her abusive texts during the day.....

OP posts:

didldidi · 13/11/2010 17:46

you definitely did the right thing - punishment/consequence should always be 'in the moment' and not deferred.

onimolap · 13/11/2010 17:50

I think you did the right thing, and I really hopes it helps her learn about boundaries.

ConnorTraceptive · 13/11/2010 17:54

You did the right thing. Well done that sort of punishment is hard to follow through with!

MadameCastafiore · 13/11/2010 17:57

My goodness - she calls you a fat cow and you consider even taking her anywhere - she would be in more tourble than it is worth if she did that how rube and disrespectful!

She does it because she gets away with it by the way - crack down now.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 13/11/2010 18:00

Well done, stick with your guns at all times especially if she is being foul mouthed to you.

shimmerysilversparkler · 13/11/2010 18:00

Iwanttobeafairy Do you know what? I have to wonder exactly HOW naughty a three year old has to have been in order to miss a once a year fireworks party, that is a pretty steep punishment at that age imvho.

OP I wouldn't be taking your dd anywhere for calling you that.

Original poster

mulranno · 13/11/2010 18:02

Thanks for the support -- it has been great to see that many have done the same and missed events also - her friends and social life are really important to her - I agree she was tired at the end of the week but we all were and it started at 345 when I picked her up and she threw her school bag at her 4yr old sister and hurt her...and went on til 7pm...

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 13/11/2010 18:46

Mulranno - I'm glad you stuck with it - it's hard to do, especially when they are being so contrite! However, backing down at that stage just makes her realise that all she has to do is 'Say sorry' and you'll give in.

It doesn't matter how tired they are, there has to be a limit to what you will put up with. She found the limit, she wont go looking for it again in a hurry (at least not when there's something on that she wants to go to!!

Seeing where it all ends up if you don't crack down NOW must be a real eye opener.

... and I'll tell you something for nothing (I'm good like that ), she would call me a 'Fat Cow' once - then she would be under no illusion that this was not the way forward. I honestly can't see how you get to that with a 9 year old.

Foot down NOW else you'll end up with a horrible 10 year old and a 5 year old copying her!!

Stay strong :)

activate · 13/11/2010 19:04

don't forget the after the fact talk now she's rested

the disappointment speech - the it must never happen again speech ending in the I'll always love you speech

Original poster

mulranno · 13/11/2010 21:37

thanks activate...need to do this bit

OP posts:

SkyBluePearl · 13/11/2010 21:38

stick to your guns!

PinkieMinx · 13/11/2010 22:19

DSD is usually a joy and rarely behaves badly.We were buying clothes today and she became slightly demanding. I explained she could only have one of the tops she wanted. After umming and ahhing I gave her 5 seconds to pick or have neither. Counted down, she said 'I don't know which one to have, the owl, the puppy, the owl, the puppy' - you get the idea. I said no top, cue moaning. I had to stick to it, despite her being an utter star behaviour wise. I want her to continue being well behaved and I think giving in is a slippery slope.

giraffescantdancelikeannw · 13/11/2010 22:27

I did this the other day "If you dont eat your breakfast now you wont have time to get dressed and you will have to go to school in your pjs" (not school but do the school run)

She was having a tantrum so took older siblings to school in pjs, coat, hat, wellies, scarf and gloves. Point made.

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