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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DD, 18mths, should be sleeping through the night....

24 replies

superv1xen · 12/11/2010 10:52

.....especially as she slept through the night from about 8 weeks. until she got to about 12 months and thats when the fun started Hmm

wtf is waking her up?? she eats well, she doesn't seem to be teething, she isn't poorly, she is a pretty happy chilled baby in the day.

but last night took the piss big time, she was solidly awake between 2am and 6am. she doesn't wake up and cry, she chatters, laughs and squeals, and she is so bloody noisy. i am ashamed to say that at one point i went in and shouted at her to shut up which really upset and scared her. what a horrible thing to do to a baby. and i am fucked today, just fucked :(

i appreciate theres people in far worse sleep deprived situations than this but its affecting mine and dp's life big time, i am so angry and tired all the time and i am taking it out on him and DS (4) coz i just dont cope on no sleep. i look a state, i feel even worse. and as for sex, at the moment, forget it. i just needed to rant. any advice however would be appreciated.

OP posts:
GruffalosGirl · 12/11/2010 10:59

What are her daytime naps like? Can you try reducing them? our DS started waking at 4am and wouldn't go back off, he was like this, just very happy and wanting to start the day when he was about 15 months and we reduced his naps from two to one and he went back to sleeping properly again.

I feel your pain though. I remember lying on the floor in his room holding his hands through the bar of his cot for hours just praying he would go back to sleep!

I hope you get lots of good advice here. Have you tried posting on the sleep thread too?

littlesez · 12/11/2010 11:08

no cry sleep solution worked for us.

deepheat · 12/11/2010 11:16

Hey OP. I posted about a pretty similar issue on the Sleep thread. Our DD is 17m and we're in the same boat. Really sorry for you. Apologies for not being able to offer a solution (our situation isn't improving so we're obviously clueless) but can assure you you have my every sympathy.

ChippingIn · 12/11/2010 11:26

Most children this age wake several times a night, lots of them play for a time - it sounds like she is happy to do it on her own, so I would tread carefully... doing things like last night make her realise that she can get your attention too - that might be even more fun for her - and the last thing you need.

Shut both bedroom doors.
Make sure she's had a good run around in the afternoon.
Take turns wearing earplugs or if DP sleeps through her chattering - you wear ear plugs - one of you will hear her if she gets upset.

I wouldn't try any of the methods that involve going into her room, I think that if she's awake, she's awake (it's a normal developmental stage) and she's happy, not crying for you... it could be much worse and you might make it so!

Good Luck :)

Original poster
superv1xen · 12/11/2010 12:04

we used to try leaving her to it but then inevitably after a certain length of time the chattering turned to angry crying, possibly because we hadnt gone in to her. so we have started going in to her. we started giving her a bottle of weak juice as well as that seemed to settle her, but now even that doesnt settle her, and i dont want to get into the pattern of giving her things when she wakes up.

dp suggested earplugs so we just dont hear her.

will go an have a look on the sleep thread.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 12/11/2010 13:08

I would definitely look at her naps. How much total sleep does she have in a 24 hour period?

She sounds jetlagged!

I would definintely leave her to it as much as possible, as much as you feel comfortable with. I would try and react in exactly the same way each time - whether its say the same thing, put the same lulliby CD on, give her the same toy, whatever strategy you decide on.

If she is awake for a period of time in the night and then wants to sleep in, try not to let her. It might be tempting if you are then concerned she'll "be a nightmare later" etc etc - decide what is more important for you, getting her back through the night, or having an easy day. Days are always easy enough to cope with if you've had a goods night sleep, generally, so your main priority should probably be night.

Original poster
superv1xen · 12/11/2010 16:04

she doesnt actually nap much in the day, tatty she has one nap a day which is 1-2 hours.

you are right about its easier to have a hard day than a hard night, have kept her awake all day today and done loads with her and made her walk loads so i am hoping she will be worn out.

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 12/11/2010 16:04

and i havent let her have a nap either.

OP posts:
AyeNon · 12/11/2010 16:08

I tend to find that less naps => less sleep at night, the opposite to what you might expect.

discobeaver · 12/11/2010 17:21

There was a great programme about sleep problem kids on a while ago, something about two experts knowing which method worked best.

They both basically seemed to end up saying just be firm, don't go in the room, make your expectations clear and stick to your guns.

Maybe someone will have a link, but one kid oon the show only slept for 2 hours at a time, had done since a few months old, he was 2 or 3...the parents were demented with tiredness, but after a couple of weeks of this routine the kid was sleeping for 10 hrs!

Original poster
superv1xen · 12/11/2010 18:13

i saw that! i have always agreed with that approach, but after months of her still not settling i am afraid i have "given in" to her out of desperation.

but i am going to have to go back to that and just bite the bullet, i wish i had a bigger house so i could put her in a different room further away from us so we couldnt hear her but she is right next to us and the walls are paper thin so that isnt an option. :(

i am DREADING tonite, dreding it.

OP posts:
onceamai · 12/11/2010 21:09

Mine never slept and I really feel for you. DS1 slept from about 10 - 6 from 5 weeks - we thought we had it cracked. From about 5 months - total hell. We tried everything - every bedtime routine possible. His natural pattern was about 10 - 6.30. We were putting him to bed at 7.30 and expected him to go all the way through. At about 20 months we started going with the flow. If he went down at about 10ish, he slept through until about 6.30-7. Not ideal but it meant a decent night. He simply has never needed the recommended sleep.

He is 15 now. 5 foot 10, strong as an ox and confidently expecting 10 A*'s. He is rarely asleep before midnight but I never have to call him more than oncein the morning although nowadays he can sleep until noon if it's not a school day.

You might just find that she is very, very bright.

It's really tough but perhaps you should try to take her lead.

ChippingIn · 13/11/2010 00:39

superv1xen - I hope it works for you :)

magicmummy1 · 13/11/2010 07:54

My dd never slept either. It's torture, but it does get better as they get older. :)

Gooftroop · 13/11/2010 08:22

YABU

ElspethDiggory · 13/11/2010 08:34

Superv1xen you MUST stop going in and giving her juice - you know this already! What a lovely reward for waking up, oooh mummy comes in to see me AND I get juice Wink
I really think earplugs are the way to go. If she's not crying, doesn't need you and isn't ill then she should be fine and as Chipping suggested you could alternate who wears them anyway.
How did it go last night?

gooftroop - eejit. Sleep deprivation is (literally) a form of torture.

PuppyMonkey · 13/11/2010 08:39

YANBU.

Original poster
superv1xen · 13/11/2010 12:21

it was a bit better last night thank you xx. she normally goes to bed at 7 so i kept her up till 7.45. she was literally lying down on the floor knackered bless her.

she slept till 3am then woke and chattered till 3.30am then slept till 7.45am.

so much better, i dont know if its a combination of the long walk in the day, no nap and a slightly later bed. or one of them. or a fluke lol.

but going to do it all the same today and see what happens. except tonight she is staying over at her dad's mum's house so whatever happens i wont have to deal with it hee hee

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 13/11/2010 13:35

Oh let her have a nap this afternoon then Grin

That sounds like a pretty normal night for a toddler, as you say, keep doing the same things and see what happens, if it works then who cares why :)

She's quite little to have no daytime naps all week, so you might need to experiment with that, because if they are over tired they don't sleep well either...

Bloody kids! They should just come with an off switch Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/11/2010 15:25

i always say sleep breeds sleep, so those children who had a nap during the day often sleep better than those who dont, as they get over tired

DO NOT GIVE JUICE or any other drink in the middle of the night or she will get used to having that VERY quickly and then wake up demanding a drink

ignore till screaming, then go in to settle, pat, soothe and leave room and if need one of you wear ear plugs

Original poster
superv1xen · 15/11/2010 09:02

she had a terrible night at her grandma's saturday night, felt a bit guilty when i picked her up Blush she woke up at 3am and didn't go back to sleep until 4.30am.

last night was slightly better, she woke at 2, chatted, neither of us went in to her and she stopped after about half hour i think.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 15/11/2010 10:22

could be be cold or scared of dark and thats why she wakes up - but least she isnt screaming

maybe get a small night light or plug in heater

ChippingIn · 15/11/2010 16:48

Waking up in the night and playing for half an hour is normal todder behaviour - there doesn't need to be anything 'wrong'. She'll soon grow out of it x The key is for it not to disturb your (or Grandma's) sleep.

Firawla · 15/11/2010 19:10

if she is not crying, just chattering laughing etc just leave her to it! absolutely no need to even go in to her unless she cries or if she is coming to you? (not sure if she is in a bed or cot?) if she is staying in her bed/cot and just chattering then back to sleep i dont think it is even an issue

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