Who is BU - Me or DH

[Bathsheba]

I read Freecycle a lot - generally for a laugh at the wanteds but I've given away a lot of things and got a few things that way.

Last night I was reading it and I found a message that was really sweet - Someone wanted a mobile phone, which generally means people specifying something ridiculous like an iphone4, but this guy wanted an old Orange SPV 500, which was a model from about 8 years ago.

I used to always have an Orange PV - I've had 3 in the past, and I knew we still had 2 of them kicking around - so I emailed the guy back and said I didn;t have an SPV500, but I had the model before and the model after that one if it was any use.....I'm away for the weekend but I said I'd happily pass it on to him next week when I'm back.

This morning I was relaying this story to my DH, because I thought it was really sweet....Someone asks for a specific model of an old phone, never thinking he could get one, and I could give him 2 options on it...

Well, my DH really thought that was AWFUL -

• We could have got money for that (I've checked on one of those "buy your old phone" websiotes and its literally £2)

and

• "I can't beleive you are giving anything to someone rude enough to ask for a specific model of phone".

I told him I was sick to the back teeth of him seeing the negative in everything and everyone (he is very negative as is his whole family).

I explained that no, I thought it was a sweet story, the guy wasn't being "grabby" in the least with his request etc etc, but no, "I know what you are thinking and I still think its wrong".

Now, in his defense, he is shattered (his Mum has just moved house and he is doing DIY every day there after a full day at his work which is quite stressful at the moment) - and I said that I'm sorry he is shattered and sorry that he isn;t enjoying work, but I really didn;t think Iw as the problem here..

So now he has stormed off to work (we noramlly leave together and I drop him off half way during the school run) and I'm going away at lunchtime for the weekend and won't be back until Sunday lunchtime, so I've left with a load of bad feeling, which makes me sad..

However, despite being sad I want to know who is BU here - me for answering the freecycle request and giving away a phone I could have got money for, or him for being so negative and not getting that I thought the story was nice and sweet.

Him!
It's 2 quid ffs, plonker lol

Well, you are being the "better person" here. Regardless of the value of the phone, you are giving enough to consider this persons request.

Its irrelevant whether the person is grabby or not - the fact is, you had something similar and were willing to part with it to meet this person's request.

Your DH was not.

Whilst your DH is not unreasonable to think "no way, get stuffed, I'd rather sell it" you are in no way unreasonable to think "oh I've got something similar, I wonder if he'd want it"

So nobody is unreasonble, but you are the better person.

Your DH is unreasonable for not thinking its okay for you to give away something of yours that you no longer use though, regardless of the circumstances behind it.

He is, it's an old phone you'd pretty much forgotten about. A little bit of giving is good for the soul.

Him,
I think the ad was sweet too.

UANBU he is!!

I'd think great, I can actually get rid of a bit of tat that's cluttering the place up, and make someone happy into the bargain. What's to complain about?

XH used to tell me off for doing anything generous and decent (rare because I'm too lazy for the most part!) I used to feel my virtues were being twisted into vices. It was all about him trying to make me feel bad about myself because he didn't feel good about himself IMO. Sounds like your H is in a similar mindset at the moment.

Oh, he also got furious if I threw or gave anything away, including actual rubbish, but that's because he loved living in a mess.

He is bu. Not you.

Hope karma bites his arse

Why is your DH being so grumpy? Tiredness is one thing but seeing the negative in everything is a bf worrying.

Honestly he is jsut a very negative person (its not really his fault, his mother is the most negative person I've ever met) but when he is stressed about things the negativeity really rears its ugly head more than normal.

I'm trying not to let it run my weekend away but starting it off like this and being in tears about it isn;t a good start.

We see loads of grumpy freecyclers on here - maybe DH has just seen too many requests for 'I want this thing, and it has to be this specific thing, in perfect condition' and so has put this man in that box.

I don't really see how asking for a specific old phone is 'sweet'. Are there more details that you haven't told us? Is he an old man who only learned to use this one model, and his has broken, and he doesn't want to have to learn how to use a different system? (quite sweet) Or is he a terrorist who knows that these phones are best for making detonation devices? (rather less sweet)

But in general if someone on freecycle asks for something, and you have it and don't want it (and it's not worth selling) then YANBU to give it to them.

Until DrTrillian mentioned the bit about him being a potential terrorist I thought YWNBU and DH was... now I'm a little nervous??...

However, as that wasn't DH's reason - he's still BU and a grumpy fecker - who would be told to spend the weekend looking for a new attitude to life, because his current one is sucking the life out of me and I've had enough of it!

Sometimes a certain model of phone has fetures that you like, a size you can use, buttons that are comfortable etc - not everyone needs the most up to date, wizz bang phone - it's not grabby like asking for a specific 'new' phone - not the same at all.

YANBU. I got loads of stuff for my LO from freecycle and I don't feel like a skank as when I moved house recently I gave away loads of stuff, and I also Intend to put all the free stuff I got back on there once I'm done with it. It works out for both parties - sometimes it's cathartic to get rid of "junk" or stuff that you don't use that's cluttering up your place and to someone else might be useful - and it's sometimes nice to receive something that you need that someone else no longer uses.

Tell him to chill out!

I'm not a doctor of terrorist-catching...

I know you're not ...but you don't really expect me to me to drop the Dr after 'that' thread do you? You have earned the title - you must use it!! Dr Trillian

It is a scary thought though - what made you think of it? I always just figured they'd buy what they need, but this would actually be a much better option wouldn't it - far less trackable!

Him - why not clear out an old phone if thats what the guy wants and to you is worth less than £2 and never bothered to sort it 'till now so seems a win win.