To Tell My Aunt Her Husband Is A Paedophile?

[familyupsidedown]

Sorry, it might be long.

One of my Aunts, the youngest, E, has recently disclosed to my Mother that she was sexually abused as a young child by their older brother and also by another Aunts, L's, now husband. E has had a borderline drink problem for years and has obviously struggled to cope, having never even told her DH, who she thought would no longer lover her.

My Mother discussed with my other Aunt, R, and R said that L's DH had also abused her. Both my aunts were aged about 10-14 when this happened and it happened repeatedly. My Uncle has admitted the abuse, he is apparently getting private help and has been for years. He has no children and isn't around any as far as we know, he lives abroad.

L has several daughters, who are now having DC of their own. There was also an 'incident' some years back where one of L's daughters went to E saying her father had been physically abusing her and 'jumping up and down on her stomach' in case she was pregnant as she'd slept with her boyfriend. E contacted social services and L didn't speak to her for years.

Anyway, the upshot is that my Aunts are reluctant to tell L as they feel she will deny it has happened and say they are lying. (this is what happened when her DH assaulted her daughter and social services did nothing as the DD ended up saying she'd made it up) I however, feel that L has a right to know and that also social services should probably be involved as this man is around children that may need protection. L has a lot of influence over her DD's. I do feel a little like I am sticking my nose in though and that my Aunts/Mother should have more time to deal with this, but I am not sure if E and R would prefer to 'sweep it under the carpet' and forget about it all. I appreciate they are victims, but there are children that may be at risk here.

Would I be unreasonable to contact L myself and also social services?

Once a paedophile always a paedophile - this guy needs reporting pretty sharpish. He's a menace to kids - they need protecting.

Don't worry about silly old Aunt L who apparently has no idea about her husband's sociopathic characer after all these years. Yeah, right.

We have had something similar in my family. So firstly let me offer you sympathy & empathy - it's a dreadful thing to have to deal with. But I agree with the other posters it does have to be dealt with.

Not everyone in your family will agree with you. Be prepared for a tough time and to opposition.

My Step Mum largely lead the charge in our family - supported by me, though I'm afraid I don't know if I could have led the charge myself - maybe I could have but I lived on the other side of the world at the time.

What got us through all the shit and what you must never never forget, is children are at risk, children are vulnerable and easily exploited and abused. Children need adults to protect them from those who seek to harm them. It's too late for your Aunts to be protected, but you will be protecting other children.

Please please act - be brave, think of the kids. Stand strong.

oh & I really think you need to take action outside of your family. Clearly you family has already been "dealing" with this unsuccessfully for many years.

Most families do want to keep this inhouse, under rug swept (my sister's first reaction to us going to the police was "OMG People are going to throw bricks through my window" - of course they didn't), but you really need to take it further than that if anything is to happen. My guess is L does NOT want to deal with this at all and will probably shriek at you & deny - it's how she's been coping with living with the guy for years after all.

Lovely post, FindingMyMojo. :)

completely aggree with every thing findingmymojo said!

Good Luck OP

Haven't read all the replies but please please please report this man to the police.

Just to update...

My Mother and R went to talk to L yesterday. They gently explained what had happened and L asked them why they were bringing it up after all these years. She then demanded exact details of what, when and where happened from R.

L's husband rang while they were there and she told him what they were saying, he denied it and she ended the phone call telling him she loved him. WTF?!

L then told my Mother and R that she was going to stick by her husband and wanted nothing more to do with any of them. She told them he denied it but at no point said she believed him and not them. She also told my Mother and R she didn't want them speaking to her DD's as they were 'shit stirring'.

Then, as my Mother and R left, L attacked my Mother from behind. R managed to get My Mother out of the way and they left with L shouting abuse at them down the street.

My Mother rang L's daughter, the only one so far she has been able to discuss any of this with and L's DD suggested my Mum called the police, which she did. L has apparently been arrested for assault today.

It has also transpired that the daughter if L's that my Mother has spoken to was seriously physically abused by her Mother as a child, being kicked and punched badly. . This DD also says she now remembers her older sister 'messing about' with her father trying to get something he had and she was holding onto his leg and 'rubbing' him and her father said 'don't do that in front of your sister', so it's quite possible that this man has abused his daughters.

The police are aware of all the circumstances surrounding this and are going to investigate it. L's daughter has agreed to giv a statement saying what her Mother has done to her.

The whole situation is dreadful and I feel so sorry for everyone involved, especially L's daughters who seem to have at the very least suffered serious physical abuse. This woman ran a childrens nursery FFS!!!

Familyupsidedown.

This is good - well done to your mum and R. It all needed to come out. I'm not surprised at L's behaviour at all - she didn't strike me as a woman with great integrity anyway.

I know it all looks very messy, but the truth is out now, and those involved can begin to heal much faster.

I'm in a similar position but no children as yet nephew got married last month although I don't know him very well.I only see him if he's on leave and visiting my mum but his father abused me and my elder sisters as children if he and his DW have any little girls I want to tell him, as grandparents tend to look after grandchildren and I don't want another child to go through it.Also found out of my mum that there was lots of young children at wedding don't know if their related to his DW.