to want a baby and my husband doesnt?

[highhopes2010]

I have wanted a baby for the past five years.I have a 9yr son to an oxygen thief but have wanted one for so long to my husband(of 8 years)that i've recently been dreaming about it.Have asked dh on numerous occasions but he had the snip after his ds to exwife and says we're too old for children now.we're only 37,i dont think that's old?I definatey cant talk him into it-and no,really i shouldnt have to as he has as much rights to his choice as i do.I'm just worried that my urges may get worse,then where would i go from there?I work with children and thought that might help but it hasnt.....

However strong your feelings if he's had the snip there's not a lot you can physically do to change the future. The choices before you are either to stay with your husband and spend the rest of your life feeling resentful... or... stay with him and count yourself very blessed to have a child of your own and a stepson... or... find a new man that wants children.

YABU. You knew he had the snip when you married him. He had already made his choice and you knew about it. Your changing the goalposts is your problem.

He feels too old, so he is. I'm 39, had a child at 37, and I feel knackered.

So, what Chil said.

you could also look into fostering - there are loads of children out there who need loving families, or even short -term care.

If you really desperately want a child, you could look into doing that.

Sounds like the OP specifically wants her DH's child, which can't happen. Which is perhaps why the dream of it is so compelling. This way madness lies. Can you try to move on - find something else to fill your life?

Agreed i already knew he'd had snip 3 months after i met him.I actually dont resent him at all so i think probably because i know its not going to happen.I just need to get rid of this feeling of really wanting one.I have looked into fostering already(dh happy to do this)but were told because my dh in army and we're only in this area for max 2yrs they wouldnt take us on as training is nearly a year and we'd only be here anoother year after that.was quite upset about that as they're always having a big fostering push day,and we're just one more caring home to help.

How about a dog or a pet together? Would he go for that? Your son would probably love it, too.

yes Pink,is specifically my dh baby i want.I think as expat says im changing goalposts i didnt mean to.i think you change as you get older and want different things.as i saaid working with other children is great but not helping either.thought fostering would help but cant do that just yet as explained already.

Well, you knew he had had the snip when you married him, and that children with him would be out of the question. You are definitely not too old for a baby. Can you foster, or adopt?

would a puppy help?honestly being serious?actually have talked to dh about that too and he said yes we could but we dont know if we're being posted abroad and already had to give my bassett hound to my aunt as she couldnt of took the heat in cyprus.was so upsetting and dont want to go through that again s have to wait till we kinda know where we're going.

Also, you two do have a family together: you have two sons.

Quint have already answered about fostering above.tried but not here long enough for their liking.

expat and dh lovely daughter.dh son and daughter dont live with us but they visit and vice versa.

But they're your family, too, just as your son is his. Families aren't just about bloodlines. :)

I think a cat might be better than a puppy, personally.
they're a bit more cuddly, but they don't need walking all the time!

but obviously, the pet thing is difficult when you don't know if you'll be moving.

Maybe a hamster?

Got a hamster nickel.i know its not just bloodlines expat.has anyone ever felt like this?do wish the feeling would go away and id be content with what ive got-a brilliant family.if someone else has gone through this then would be good to hear their story and how they feel now.bear in mind this has been past 5 years and now bloody dreaming about it!

can't blame you for having the feeling.

noone is, I'm sure.
:(

Thanks nickel.guess i just sound like im whinging but dnt mean to!

there's a story in the Daily Fail about this

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1328599/Vasectomy-Why-wives-tell-husbands-snip.html

Some women saying they feel insecure if their husbands refused becasue it would mean they were planning a future without them! Think that's control freak territory myself.

Sorry for your predicamnet OP, just because you knew the situation beforehand doesn't make it any easier for you.

Thanks disco.i don't feel insecure though.wondering if its one of those things that if you can't have it you want it more?dont think it would last this long though if it is?

wow!do think they are control freaks-as i said at the start of this thread i respect his choice,i just dont like it.a reversal probably wouldnt work now anyway and im just trying to get over it.you'd think i'd be ok after 8 yrs of knowing but its getting bloody worse!