AIBU ( actually i know i am) to be a bit gutted about what ex husband has got DD.

[redderthanred]

I know i should not care.
I know its not important.
I know all this and still im a bit upset.

Ex husband has got her a new bike, and lots of other things, dvds, books, toys etc. God knows what hes spent. Everything he will give her will stay at his, along with everything his family ( and new girlfriends family) give her. she will get all this on boxing day,

I cant afford all that.
DD wont get a big pile of presents on xmas day, she will just get what i give her. Family will then come round and give her their presents ( but we have a £10 limit)

I know its not about that, but i just feel so crap about it.

DD doesnt even care. if you ask her what she wants she just says the playmobile animals and then she will wait for father christmas to suprise her. ( bless her)

Have to confess to only reading your OP but it reminded me of all the presents my biological mother gave me at Christmas and how little time she ever spent with me. Would rather have had a packet of sweets and her time.

flame me if u want,
but when my OHs children were younger any presents we bought them stayed with us. Otherwise, they went home and never came back.
Which ment when they were here they had nothing to play with.

now they are older, 12+13 they can choose what goes where (and have done for years)

Sorry but I dont think him keeping the things he buys for his daughter is unreasonable at all.

Also, hes spending his money on her. Whats the problem? If it ws instead of mintainence then it would be wrong, but im guessing its not.

have a lovely christmas, ur her mummy and thats more important than any of this.

(running away now, pls dont hate me)

ExH wanted the 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 30th, 31st, 1st and 2nd in total!

Expected me to only see them on the 24th and 29th all over Xmas...I don't think so.

Especially as the rest of the year he's dropped a weekend a month which has completely messed me up with work.

The joys of shared parenting hey.

Funny how Ex's only want their kids extra for special occasions though and it's hit and miss the rest of the year.

I don't know your back story, but bear in mind sometimes it's not competitive at heart, it's just an overcompensation for the time apart - I know DH used to go a bit ott but it was because he missed DSD so much he'd find it hard to restrain himself.

As I say, may not be the same in your situation, but there are occasions when it's not malicious, it's just missing your kids.

We have the opposite. DH's sons ask DH for really expensive christmas presents every year and I have always set a budget for each of my kids because christmas to me is not just about presents, therefore we apply the same budget to DH's sons too. DH however felt guilty that their mum cannot afford the gifts that he can and does not want the boys to lose out. Like you say above there are other elements that make christmas special that are particularly special to me and remind me of my family christmases when I was a child. When DH asked his sons why they always ask for the most expensive gifts his DS1 said "because when we ask mum she says to ask you cos you can afford it."

From us they have had bikes, remote controlled cars and DS's all as main gifts over the years. This year however our budget has halved due to our own circumstances and DH's son has just asked for an iPhone for his christmas. We won't be getting him an iPhone even if we could afford it as he is only 11!

I think what I am saying is that perhaps it is not competitive giving. In DH's situation it was feeling guilty that his sons may be losing out and nothing to do with trying to outdo his exwife. He just loves his sons and wanted to make sure they were happy.

Try not to feel sad.

I can't remember any of the toys I got at Xmas as a child. What I can remember is baking festive goodies with my Mum, making paper chains, decorating the tree, writing letters to Santa, making cards, my Dad pretending to be Rudolph on Xmas Eve (he was very bad at it, but we always pretended we believed it was the Real Thing), the excitement of seeing the big turkey come out of the oven at last, loud, fun Xmas dinners, going for long, frosty walks after whilst the men tackled the washing-up, playing charades, hearing my grandparents talk about Christmases when they were children... I can't remember anything about any presents I got! I'm sure I was very excited at the time, but the magic of the 'event' was the best thing - and it sounds like you're going to give that to your DD. A big stack of gifts that she can only play with now and then at her Dad's house cannot compare. You sound like a wonderful mum - so your DD already has the best gift already :)

I forgot to add in response to somebody else's post that DH's sons always take all of their presents from us, DH's family and my family home with them when they return to their mums.

Scorpette - your description of christmases gone by is spot on for us!! (Apart from my Dad NOT pretending to be Rudolph!)

Agree with Scorpette :o

oh and the best present and only one I can remember (apart from a puppy when i was 14) was a emu bird thing on strings like a puppet.

was bloody cheap, remember my parents laughing about it

Im sorry you are feeling .

And I hope you dont think Im speaking 'out of turn'(what?? here on mumsnet ).

We have 3 ds, im not a single parent but weve had rich christmas' weve had poor Christmas' and lots just scratching through ....when the children were smaller it was easier as they get older I feel sad sometimes that the mound of gifts under the tree might be worth £300 but look nothing (x box games at £40 each) so a couple of years ago I explained this to the 2 eldest ......

the reply was a shocker.

ready??

Its not about the presents Mum, we get stuff all year round its not like 'your' day....we like Christmas cos we eat chocolate for breakfast we have a gorgeous dinner and we are all together.

Ds is 17 now and I keep saying to him what do you want for Christmas?......Mum he says I dont really want anything (he is lusting over a v expensive watch but it is ....v expensive) if I could buy it mum id buy snow on Christmas day cos you love it and we can go sledging again ......

Thats Christmas for me.

Drac
You made me cry. How sweet your DS is. And how true his words are.

Redder
My parents could never afford loads of presents but they had time for me. That was so important. Don't feel you have to compete with your ex.

Oh God, my Dad used to do this to my Mum every year - she was absolutely skint and would scrimp and save for Christmas then Dad would walk in with a microscope, digital watch, fishing rod etc. etc. etc.

Even at seven years old I was not impressed, I loved my Mum who was there for me every day, who made me laugh, who comforted and supported me (and let me have Vienetta for breakfast on Christmas Day!).

Children are more emotionally intelligent than they get credit for.

Dracschick your DS sounds lovely.

We spent a fortune on our kids last year - my eldest cannot remember what we bought him (and neither can I), my youngest (5) says his favourite present was a £5 volcano kit my friend bought him. It's a waste of money anyway.

Take her to see a pantomime which is a treat she will remember. Also depending on her age the Santa north pole portal message via email is great. You can also spend the evening tracking Santa on google earth which is ace.

Good luck.

"if you ask her what she wants she just says the playmobile animals and then she will wait for father christmas to suprise her. ( bless her)". She sounds totally adorable.

She won't care and neither should you! My favourite was my Dad used to get a bunch of tat from Chinatown for my stocking. I loved it all and still remember things like those wound up paper toys which you flick at people. Balloons which made a fart noise and glow sticks. No money and such fun. I don't remember the big presents but I loved that crappy stocking every year.

we keep dss stuff here as he used to take it to his mums then never had any decent stuff here, his mum does the same. (apart from noisy toys which we both sneakily pack into his bag ...she now buys our DC the most noisy possible toys for their b-days with a huge cheeky grin on her face..a drum kit one year! )

I can only echo what everyone else has said it is the memories of being there, having fun, silly games that stick in the mind not the bits of plastic etc. My dds do get a lot of presents, far more than they should from family . So my dh and I deliberately do little presents as they have so much. But what they remember is that Santa (with mummys help) always covers the living room door with wrapping paper to keep the presents safe, they love bursting through the paper (remember to leave the door open!) and the game where we all have to grab some old clothes out of a pillowcase and put it on in 30 seconds and then eat chocolate and start again - don't ask!! That's what they remember!!

If it's any comfort I used to feel exactly the same about my xh and what he could afford to get ds1 (always by not paying maintenance, though).

But the present ds1 remembers most, and always says he liked the best and made it "the best Christmas ever" was a cheap radio cassette player that I got him.

where do I get crappy stocking fillers from?

I was thinking that it didn't matter who gave what until I got to the bit about all the presents from your ex's side of the family remaining at his house . I'm getting my daughter a bike for Christmas - if you want a starter bike for your daughter (and can pick it up), then you would be welcome to her old one. It's in good nick and is very girly, let me know, I live in London.

thanks - she has a bike already though.

only - anywhere. Ive got dd hair clips and necklaces and things like that from sainsburys when they were half price.
poundworld or suchlike is really good ( had never been in one till last weekend)
hawkins bazzar.
DD is really into glow sticks at the momment. She joined a whole load of small ones up to make a massive one is currently using them the make a snowman. ( !!!????!!!!)
i might get her some £1 for 20.

Fuck him and his bike ill get her some damn glow sticks.

Oh - and i got her a sledge ( which i had forgotten about)

i think i was just being silly yesterday. This is what ive got her.

large playmobile set - £20 off
smaller matching playmobile set ( came free with other set)
reallife ( pretend) leopard thing, ( robot thing covered in fur. She will LOVE it) - Half price
couple of books. 2 for £10
x2 disney dvd with matching dinsey princess dolls. ( that i got for a bargin of £2.50 per doll.)
Dance mat thing - brought at half price
Playdoh make a burger thing and spare play doh which she has been going crazy for - half price
some vile my little pony with extra hair - half price
necklace making kit - think i was going to give this t her last year but forgott where i hid it!!
Sledge
Hair clips/toothbrush/flannel/glowsticks/sweets and few other cheapo stocking fillers.

I mean - thats a lot isnt it. i think so.

YES THAT IS loads sorry caps

im not buying DD one big thing, she got so much stuff for her birthday which she hasnt touched!! I spent about 60 on sylvanians, which shes played with maybe 5 times since??

her zuzu hamsters she plays with more often!!!

is there a poundland / hawkins in Ips?