To be selfish and sad about new nephew

[purplearmadillo]

My brother and SIL had their first baby tonight. I have two wonderful children who are 6 and nearly 3. I really wanted a third child but DH doesn't. I have felt like this for 2 and a half years and the pain doesn't go away. I've dreaded how I would feel when their baby arrived. Its been hard enough with friends' babies, but if my nephew reminds me of either DS or DD i know I am going to be in bits.

I feel horrible and selfish, I want to be unconditionally happy for them, I am so happy for them but part of me is just so heartbroken that its not my baby and it never will be me again with a newborn and all the wonder to come of watching that tiny person become who they are going to be.

Tell me that I am BU and tell me how I can get rid of the tears tonight and put on the proper reaction to them and my family tomorrow.

Thanks for the messages since last night.

Fel1x, I will let you know how I get on with the letter. It would be a really big thing for me if he would at least acknowledge how I feel. Often, he uses it as a bit of a joke to friends and makes fun of me over it, and it makes me feel really sad.

I have spoken to DB today and am hoping to see them and DN tomorrow. I think I will cry in a happy way for them and I do feel happy for them.

Euphemia, being happy with what I have what I fall back on. I have 2 wonderful children, and I really do not take them for granted. When I stopped posting on here last night, i went into both their rooms, watched them sleeping and it did bring me peace.

Maryz, its interesting what you say about your son's aspergers. My DS has been ill a lot (we thought he had CF for quite a while) and I have said to DH that we didn't stop loving him because he's been ill, so I do think he understands that there are no guarantees with life at any time. Its an irrational fear really and he used it when we were thinking about our second child too. For me, of course I would want all my children to be healthy, but I would not see it as ruining my life if one of my children was not.