Dilema

[newwave]

Not an AIBU as such just seeking others opinions on a dilema.

I am quite friendly with my Cousin, she has a 16 year old dd who has stated she wants to go to next years V Festival and camp there, her mother is against it.

I go to V every year and the dd has said it will be ok because i will be there (wish she asked me first). The dd will be 17 before the next V and TBH at that age I think it is her choice to make.

My cousin has agreed on the proviso she phones home regularly and I (try) to keep an eye on her.

Later that night the dd tells me her and her mate plus boyfriends will be camping together, her Mother does not know this and I wish she had not told me. If this happens and her Mother finds out I knew there will be hell to pay.

Bearing in mind at 17 imo it's her choice to make not her mothers.

Last point the Mothers partner is not dd dad although he has been living with my cousin for about 12 years, dd relationship with him has been going downhill for a couple of years to the extent of dd telling him to "fuck off and mind his own business, your not my dad so butt out" when he tried to intervene in an argument with her mother.

wwyd

I'd agree that you should tell the girl now that if, at the time, she has lied to her mother about who she is going with then you will tell her mother that you're not willing to take any responsibility for her.

But in reality if she still has the same boyfriend - NEXT AUGUST! - as she is planning to go with now, that's a relationship of over 10 months that we know about, her mother will probably be fine with her going with him.

I wouldn't have a bar of this. Trying to keep an eye on a 17 y.o at a festival is just going to ruin your time, and also be impossible.

Are you to be responsible if she gets pissed, or takes drugs?(not saying she will do either but she is young, it's a festival, let's be realistic)? What if she loses her wallet, phone, camera, her tent gets ransacked or she has an argument with her mates and wanders off?

All of those things are very unlikely to happen, but how will you feel if they do and you are supposed to be 'keeping an eye on her'? Her mum will blame you, you will feel awful.

Either her mum trusts her to go, or she doesn't. End of.

The kid dragged you into it because it gave her ammo to get her mum to say yes, and now you are unwillingly agreeing to babysit a teenager?

It's fraught with problems, if the mum doesn't trust her to be there without 'adult' supervision, the mum should go herself, not ruin your festival.

I went to Reading when I was 17, I remember telling my parents I was going, I never considered they'd question it - I assume she's paying for her own ticket?

I think she needs to tell her mum that her friends and bf will be there, but I don't see what difference that makes really? Surely it's better that she's there with people she knows that running off with complete strangers?

I don't really think it's possible to 'keep an eye on' someone at a festival unless you're with her 24-7, which you won't want to be because it'll ruin your time there.

I think your cousin needs to chill out, she's 17, not12, if she's going to V she needs to trust her to go, no matter whether you're there or not, you can't be expected to take responsbility for her.

What if she loses her wallet, phone, camera, her tent gets ransacked or she has an argument with her mates and wanders off?

So what if she does? It's a festival, not an inner city gangland V is safe as far as festivals go, there's plenty of security everywhere.

Yeah I know, she's unlikely to have any of those things happen, I did say that.

My point wasn't that she shouldn't go because she might get her stuff nicked or whatever, my point was that the OP is going to feel responsible if anything does happen, which isn't really fair.

I am sure V is safe, I think a 17 y.o will be fine - I just wouldn't want to feel pressganged into looking after one if I hadn't volunteered.