to wonder why the phrase 'grow a pair' is so often used on MN which is a site mostly used by women?

[Ormirian]

As it appears to suggest that the only way you can be assertive and take control of a situation, is to be manly, or show manly attributes.

Unless of course 'grow a pair' refers to breasts. Or kidneys perhaps?

If IABU, please can someone tell me how to grow a pair of bollocks before tomorrow as I will need them

Yes, it refers to testicles but I think the phrase has evolved to just mean "be more assertive". Actually I was going to write "to have some balls" :o.

It is interesting that we associate assertiveness with men, isn't it? We're way past the days of the timid little woman (if those days ever existed), but yet there's no phrase I can think of which equates to "stand up for yourself" that isn't about masculinity.

Ooh no I can - you can tell someone to show/have some gumption. Unless gumption actually means penis, of course.

FNAT at 'standing up for yourself'

And we talk about people being 'ballsy'.

It is really quite odd.

That should be FNAR not FNAT!

I did this the other day, and would like to apologise. You're quite right. Although I could have been referring to breasts I suppose!

I've got into the habit of saying it because DH does.

As someone whose husband has had testicular cancer and therefore now only has one (but is no less of a man!), the phrase grates on me a bit. Not to the point of offence, I just think it's a daft turn of phrase.

It is very misogynistic. They must mean 'grow a pear', meaning that the addressee should be strong, unbending and fruitful. With leaves.

Ooh yes 'grow a pear' is much better.

Sorry about your DH fancy. How is he now?

YABU, dude. Put on your big-boys pants and man up.

it's too bad if a chap can't use normal idiom on a predominantly female site - decent idiom of the kind that puts hairs on your chest:)

OK edgar

I am an equal-opportunities language user.

It's a metaphor innit?

In Spanish it has (I understand) long been common to say so-and-so "tiene cojones" (has balls) meaning is a fiesty/brave individual. Women as well as men.

Obv there are things you can say about why don't breasts rate as highly as testicles in terms of bravery, fierceness, courage (although we could reclaim the phrase by saying the pair were breasts and not bollocks) - perhaps kidneys is the ideal genderless option?!

I would say it is unfair to say the 'only' way you can be assertive is to 'grow a pair' but it's a way of expressing a certain attitude. As long as we stand up for ourselves and feel comfortable doing it, ideally we would call it growing a pair of ovaries, since that's what we actually do. But as a phrase, it kinda works?

It annoys me rather than offends, - it's one of those things people come on and shout at the expense of trying to be more thoroughly helpful and offer actual advice. Lazy IMO.

Yes I favour kidneys.
Or even backbone (just the one obviously)
Or heart.

Not bollocks which actually seem a bit absurd when viewed objectively. And are very delicate little things as DH was reminded again when DD threw a tennis ball at him recently In fact apart from their obvious purpose in procreation they are a bit pathetic - vulnerable and comical in appearance.

I assumed the phrase was used with irony here.

I've used it on here - but only in relation to someone's badly/poorly/shoddily behaved male partner - ie "tell him to grow a pair".