Not AIBU, more what to say to SIL

[LucyGoose]

With Xmas coming up, yet again we need to go thru the difficult process of buying presents for my brothers 4 kids (ages 1.5 years to 7 years). They seems to be allowed every Lego set in the world, but have to read bible stories every night. PS: I am now agnostic and SIL/DB are staunch catholics.

I emailed SIL re the older kids reading levels today for some books, since they have a gazillion toys and I am not spending a lot on plastic junk. Anyhow, SIL emails me back saying their levels are x & y, but to let her know what types of books I am looking at since there are some books they are not allowed to read even if they are at their reading levels. And she added that there are books I can get at the local god-botherers catholic bookstore that are on a pre-approved reading list (!). I wrote back saying that all items I have already purchased or looking to purchase were not violent or inappropriate, and not to worry (i.e. illustrated fairy tales/nature books).

SIL has a history of pressurising people to do as she wants and my brother is henpecked, but does not seem to mind.

How should I respond if she comes back with some nonsense about fairy tales being pagan?

DH and I have gotten to the point where we stay away from their house b/c they really make it so stressful for us, praying before every meal and all that goes along with that. She really makes it hard to be spontaneous.

LucyGoose I would buy them something neutral then, not the fairytale book if the parents will be annoyed, but neither give money to the Catholic Church since you don't feel comfortable with it :) Something neutral, PJs seem to be the popular option Or you could go with something else neutral like tickets to a local farm park, (even if just an IOU home made card if you can't purchase them in advance for a flexible date, you know?) or book tokens, or just some plush frog slippers, anything!

basically anything that is a middle way between respecting your SIL's beliefs (which i find ) and being within your own comfort levels. :)

Just get them book tokens. Then everyone is happy... Or equally unhappy!

Book tokens?

LunaticFringe - this store is catholic (run by nuns) for the local diocese.

As an ex-catholic, I am not interested in giving the church any money (even in a roundabout way).

I dont blame anyone for not wanting to actively support the Catholic church (if that's what buying from their shop does) - the OP can't be the only person who is a bit about the recent controversy over child sex abuse being swept under the carpet.

I think she worded her OP badly. I know where they are coming from with the Obama baby hating thing, he's pro-abortion, (or he's not anti, anyway) and they being Catholic probably do not approve of that - he was quoted saying he didn't want his daughters lives "ruined" by not being able to have an abortion, or something to that effect, didn't go down well with the pro lifers.

It sounds like you have a few potential places you could clash so best to stick to neutral territory. PJ's sounds great. Or a really bad Reindeer jumper. You could really have some fun here. Happy Christmas!

Not sure if it's been mentioned but why not buy the 4 of them a goat through a charity for a family in Africa.

She sounds like a pita and what is better then giving at christmas time, even if it is giving the money you would spend on the chldren to a much better cause?

Well, it's a christian festival. And the season of goodwill.

I agree there's no such thing as too many jim jams. (Going to look into buying everyone jim jams this year, what a fabulous suggestion!)

I'd go with the goat.

Either that, or ring db & ask him what clothes the kids need. Or games? A chess or backgammon set?

& get your SIL some lovely Darwin Fish earrings...

Pity they dont sell Obama-pajamas...

"So am I supposed to purchase books from the catholic store to keep the peace? When I do not want to give money to the catholic church ever again?"

Look at the list and buy it from somewhere else?

I think you're pretty determined that you're right and if people keep commenting otherwise I suspect it will transpire that actually they're serial killers or something equally dramatic to prove that you absolutely couldn't be being unreasonable. She hasn't actually said fairy tales are pagan from what you're said, you're just picking a fight that hasn't even happened.

I can see where you're coming from. I don't like being told what to buy. My SIL does this and it's often something they already have or have no interest in. I swear she does it so her present isn't upstaged. I would pick what you want to give them, while being sensitive to their beliefs - I think most kids books would be acceptable to strict catholics - stay away from wizards etc. If she doesn't like it, she can take them away or censor them

Obajamas, the season is surely upon us! Marketing people: do your stuff!

It does clarify your position somewhat, and there clearly is a need to strike a balance between what you're happy with and what they're happy with. "My First Book on Homophobia" might be well-received, for example (btw I hope such a book does not exist!) but not well-given.

Get them a goat from Oxfam, then colour in it's eyes red on the card. BTW, all the references to the religious festival... Midwinter festivals have been around a very long time. Jesus wasn't born on 25th December. As an Atheist I respect everyone's religions by eating delicious food at Christmas, Eid, Hannukah and Diwali. I think it's tough when we are sometimes blamed for spoiling everything by asking for it not to be rammed down our throats and also blamed for joining in in our own way.

I wouldn't get them fairy stories, but there are tons of great books that wouldn't offend.
Especially at their young ages. Many, many books to choose from, I love buying children books and even have a few just for myself, because of the art.
You do not have to buy from a Christian store.

I would go for something with no witches or magic. If she is a creationist (although I didn't think Catholics tended to be) they avoid Dinosaurs. But there are tonnes of good books which aren't like that, as you seem to be in the US I'm not sure what books are around.

I would recommend ones like "Down by the Cool of the Pool" for little ones, and Judy Moody or the Young Michael Morpurgo or the Happy Family books (Allan Ahlberg) for older ones.