In actual fact I know I am most likely but could you lot snap me out of my self pitying wallow please

[Iamawhinger]

I am fed up with people in RL moaning at me how hard life is, telling me what I should be doing, but noone helping me.

Today at work (I am the lowest paid - no complaint i'm at the bottom of the rung, the others have worked their way up, but they are literally on double my salary) one mother said to me it was shocking that she had to pay for one morning a week for her child to attend pre-school as he is 2 and can't get it for free, and her mum will only look after the child for 3 and a half days a week, so she can only work 4 days a week, and the child goes to other GP 1/2 a day a week.

Another complained that her mum pays and organises all of the children holiday activities, meaning that they can't do what she wants to do.

I have no family help, I have to pay for all my children's childcare during holidays and after school clubs, don't moan to me that you have to pay one morning a week for pre school, and don't have to pay for any holiday childcare.

I've then got parents at my children's school (private) moaning that the grandparents won't have any interaction with the children, and all they do is just send a cheque for the fees. Don't moan to me, I have my mother telling me I have to send my dc to private school - yes I agree with her and so I purposely work for no other reason other than to pay for school fees, but now she's having an almost weekly moan at me, that I am not sending my dc to a £30k per annum school, I've said I can't afford £60k per year, could she assist, she financially can but she says no I have to find the money myself. I can't but don't keep on banging on at me that I'm failing your grandchildren by not sending them to that school.

I've got a h (won't call him d at this moment in time), who's been at home from work all day today, who has done absolutely bugger all. All the clothes I folded and placed on the sofa this morning, have been pushed on to the floor so he could lay on the sofa nothing has been put away.

I asked him this morning to stick something on for dinner, said I don't care what, he has put a pan of boiling water on the hob, and said he didn't know what to cook, so he left it for me. This is a 50 year old man, how can he be so incapable.

Anyway rant over, feel free to berate me and snap me out of my wallowing.

Other peoples problems don't make you feel better even if theirs are worse.

You have choices about dealing with people who are saying those things. Ignore and change the subject. Walk away. Agree with them, very sarcastically.

As for your H being so pathetic, tell him he is a grown up and should be able to prepare a meal for you .

Agree with Phipps. You can't change other people, just how you react to them.

People at work are best ignored. They might think you're wealthier than them cos of private schooling so thinks ok to moan or are just saying what they think without worrying about anyone else's circumstances. Either way let it be water off a duck's back - you won't change them.

Your mum guilt tripping is a pain. Maybe be honest with her, tell her you can't afford an even more expensive school, won't move your dc from where they are settled and could she stop mentioning cos it upsets you and doesn't help. I've had a couple of chats with my mum about stuff like that - she sulks for a bit then gives up. Sometimes people don't think about how it feels to be on the receiving end and some of us are more sensitive than others.

As for DH. Only solution is a work to rule. Make your dinner and DC's dinner and leave him to sort himself out. Same with the clothes. My DH and I both work full time but sometimes he works from home. If he doesn't help out then I do what I can and leave his stuff. So he has to iron his own shirts etc. Warn him first though, like a kid they need a threat then to see you follow through with it, then they behave!

Chuck your DH the phone and his wallet tell him he's ordering in. WITH a bottle of wine.

Cheeky bugger!

Sorry, you lost my sympathy when you got to the part about private school...

[Some of my best friends send their children to private schools, by the way, but I wouldn't tolerate moaning about the cost from them.]

It's other people moaning about other people paying for them parakeet. AND my mother harping on at me that I am 'depriving' my children by not sending them to a school 3 times the price I can afford.

But fair enough parakeet not after sympathy just fed up so having a whinge.

Thanks phipps and happy camel re work colleagues think will just have to say 'oh that must be so very tough' and leave it as that.

Definitely going to try and train dh - I've managed to train the children, why can't I train the old dog???

Littlemisshissyfit - he'd pass me the menu, and make me make the phone call. As bloody usual the doormat has cooked dinner!!!

Ah no I think you aren't being unreasonable at all, you sound put upon and unhappy and a bit it's not FAIRish.

How can you write about what your husband did and then call yourself a whinger for doing so? I would punch him up the throat. Selfish, disrespectful, nasty and lazy behaviour from him.

Can't you just chuck him out? Withdraw labour? order your own food and none for him? stop doing his washing and ironing?

come oooon any of those would make you feel better surely?

gwan go on strike for a week

It took him 3 weeks the last time to work out I wasn't doing his washing, whilst doing all mine and the kids. He just stepped over his pile to climb into bed. He has too many damn clothes!!!

Can't be arsed for divorce sounds like too much hard work, so won't chuck him out.

Could feed me and the kids and leave him to fend for himself.

Fortunately he doesn't shout only sulks so it'll be a very peaceful time!!!

.

Whinger, you need to grow a pair. seriously!

I'd literally FLIP if I had all this to deal with.

'H' does bugger all, but he is leaving so the death knell has sounded on our relationship precisely because he is so useless and unhelpful.

You have to lay some new rules, everyone helps and pitches in.

Putting a pan of water on to boil is not on. he needs to learn to produce a meal. Your DC too will have to learn too. So get them involved if they are old enough