to be cross with this man from HR?

[Lambpathia]

I have recently decided to have a career change and DH made me aware of a position that was available in his team at work and said that I should go for it.

It looked like really good opportunity so I applied. I had an interview last week which seemed to go really well. Infact the man who interviewed me kept saying "When, sorry if you get the job..."

I just got a phone call from a gentleman in HR at the company. He said that he wanted to give me some feedback about my interview - which sounded ominous.

He then went on to say that it was a very difficult decision for them as, although I have the skills for the job, they were reluctant to offer it to me as my DH is on the same team.

I said that that wouldn't be a problem.

He said that he knows, but that he just wanted to make me aware of their reluctance to hire me, to ensure that professionalism was maintained within the workplace. He said that he found this difficult to say to me as I'm an adult, but felt that he needed to say it anyway, but he'd like to offer me the job - so long as I bear it in mind.

I said:

"I'm offended that you feel the need to tell me that professionalism is required in the workplace! As you have said, in a rather patronising manner, I am an adult and am therefore responsible for acting professional in my workplace regardless of whether or not my husband works there! If I have the skills for the job then you should hire me, if not then don't, but don't patronise me by telling me that I will need to act 'professional'. Lucky for you, I'm willing to overlook your unprofessionalism and will accept the job offer."

Well - that's what I wanted to say but my professionalism held me back. I accepted the job, but AIBU to be annoyed or is this a normal thing for a HR person to say?

Some couples working together can cause problems - just because you can't envisage it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

It's not even just about rows between the couple, it might also create an uncomfortable dynamic for others in the workplace.

Personally I'd feel uncomfortable working with my DH - I'd worry about people feeling they had to mind their P's and Q's or feeling restricted in voicing opinions etc.

Just my tuppence ha'penny worth!

I worked with my dh for a while (not our plans at all, work had a re-organisation and we were thrust together!)

Employer had a million protocols about distance between people who were in a relationship working together. What it actually boiled down to was that we were sensible, but if we hadn't of been then he could, for example have signed my fabricated time sheets (ie fraud).

The worst thing I ever did was call across the office to him 'darling, can I have a word....' - he looked like thunder, I blushed and everyone else burst out laughing.

OP reading your posts you sound very naive :-(
are you completely SURE it's a good idea to work so closely to your DH? C

Lamb, fraud prevention measures usually mean that 2 people have to do or sign something. 2 keyholders for the safe, 2 signatures on a cheque or order, or as bosch said fabricated overtime/expenses claims all become easier if you have someone very close to you.

Most fraud against companies is perpetrated by employees and very often more than one working together.

I work with my DH, in fact we even share an office. Noone has ever questioned it nor would I expect it. On the other hand I'm a bit scary apparently so maybe they do behind my back...

Also I'll add we've worked together for nearly 5 years and near had issues with it.

I work in a law firm and they have a very strict rule about people not going out or marrying .. I have been aware of cases where people have had affairs and they've made it very clear to one of them that they should choose to move on swiftly.

YABU. I hired someone once whose DH worked at a competitor firm and she would have access to information that was potentially very sensitive. I had to make it clear that she had to be careful. Clearly, I wouldn't have been hiring her if I had any doubts about her professionalism, but my professionalism meant I had to flag this as very serious in advance.

That's interesting, at a law firm. Whilst I can see that there are reasons why it might be sensible, I'm surprised it's legal. Is it?

Oh well,

I do see that there are potential problems for couples working closely together but as I've said, I have worked with my DH before and had no problems.

I didn't think about the fraud aspect because before, I just assumed that DH and I couldn't sign eachothers timesheets etc. I hadn't ever been told that, but it just seemed as though we should not.

I am interested to know whether these company policies about not having couples working together is legal. As I've said, there are potential problems, but these won't neccesarily occur and to not hire someone who is qualified for the job as their partner works in the same team seems like some sort of discrimination to me.

I do think its legal as its set out in their contract terms and conditions and its also set out in the firm handbook, so yes.

YUNBU, and you did well not to voice your opinion!

I never forget that DH and I met at work and although there were only 6 of us in the office none of the others were aware of the relationship. It was only becuse DH thought it best if the director was told that they ever found out - he told them in the morning and by lunch time I was unemployed!

I think he was trying to be honest about a concern they had, but they wanted to employ you regardless - but he handled it a little clumsily. Sounds like he was saying "no shagging during office hours please"

Your 'reply' was great though, but probably better for an exit interview than a job acceptance.

Congrats on new job.

A couple that used to work at my DH's company ended up being sacked. Apparently they had each been caught smearing their shit on the toilet cubicle walls (he in the mens and she in the ladies) and balancing turds on the inside of those big toilet rolls so that when somebody pulled on the paper the turd fell into their hand. I can only imagine the conversations they used to have over dinner in the evenings.

Not that I think you'd be tempted to do the same OP. Congrats on the job and good luck for next week.

Quenelle eh?

Not often I am speechless but

That's revolting Quenelle. I think they must just have been a little disturbed quirky, individually, to have been doing that. Not sure that's the sort of potential problem I was thinking about with a couple working together

I know. I'd have loved to be in the HR dept that day