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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hacked off with my babysitter?

26 replies

macdoodle · 09/11/2010 17:17

I am a single parent to a 9yr old and a almost 3yr old. My ex left me with a monumental amount of debt and since Jan I have been doing an extra evening shift once a week every week, which makes a huge difference.
My best friend (and neighbour)'s eldest daughter has been babysitting for me since I started - she is 18.
She has taken a gap year and has been working in M+S. She warned me that after xmas they may be changing her shifts to a later one, and she may not be able to continue. Fine I thought this gives me time to find an alternative.

Today, she texts me, saying she can't do Thur THIS WEEK, as she is doing a late shift at M+S and cant get out of it...sorry Hmm

Its a bit bloody late notice! I can probably get out of doing the shift but I really need the money especially now coming up to xmas. I can try and find someone else, but am pretty hacked off, and thinking she should honour her commitment to me or SHE shoudl find someone to do it for??

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 09/11/2010 17:19

YANBU but i imagine M&S is her main source of income and she feels more beholden to them to honour her shifts with them, she might not be able to get out of it and might jeapordise her job if she does

you have to bring your back up plan forward unfortunately

Lulumaam · 09/11/2010 17:20

can your ex have them on a thursday?

and no, she shouldn't have to find someone else! she is not contracted to you, maybe her mum could do it? if she's your best mate..

traceybath · 09/11/2010 17:21

Well its annoying for you but she's hardly in reality going to cause problems in her job from which she gets most of her income because of one night a week babysitting.

Have you used Sitters before - they're very good and very reliable.

2shoes · 09/11/2010 17:22

sorry but yabu
sounds like she has helped you out, but now has to put her self first.

overmydeadbody · 09/11/2010 17:22

It must be annoying for you, but at the end pof the day it is not the babysitter's responsibility to find someone else, and she didn't have a contract with you.

Hope you find an alternative bby thursday.

WhyHavePets · 09/11/2010 17:23

YABU, understandaly of course but still unreasonable.

It is quite likely that she let you know as soon as possible and, like it or not, yours is a second job to her and first (ie main income) jobs have to take priority.

Original poster
macdoodle · 09/11/2010 17:23

Hmm, I don't have a back up plan yet! She only mentioned it to me last week.

Ex is not in the country, not that he would have them anyway, he won't do anything to "help". And I wont have him in my house.

I could ask her mum, but she works full time, and often not home till after I go, she's not exactly forthcoming on the babysitting though TBH.

I will have to ask around or cancel my shift I guess :(

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 09/11/2010 17:23

It is a bit short notice so I would be annoyed too.

badfairy · 09/11/2010 17:24

Ahhhh the ol' teenage babysitter nightmare.Wink YANBU unreasonable to be hacked off, but not sure what you can really do about it....is there no one else who could look after your children at all?

classydiva · 09/11/2010 17:24

She is not employed by you and really I feel you should consider her position too.

She needs money as well as you.

classydiva · 09/11/2010 17:24

She does you a FAVOUR!

sapphireblue · 09/11/2010 17:25

I can see why you're hacked off, but to be honest I think you're being a bit U. I imagine she doesn't want to keep saying no to M&S if they are her main source of income. Plus with Christmas approaching, anyone who works in retail is suddenly going to get a whole lot busier!

Can you join a babysitting agency? They're a quick route to finding someone and they will have references and a crb etc.

ConnorTraceptive · 09/11/2010 17:26

It's not a favour if she's being paid for it.

I'm assuming the OP pays her

alarkaspree · 09/11/2010 17:26

It's not unreasonable to be annoyed, but as lulu says, she probably needs M&S more than she needs you. Don't be too annoyed, it's understandable from her point of view. You need someone who you can count on though so I'd be looking for a replacement sooner rather than later. And no she isn't responsible for finding someone else (I wouldn't be happy if a babysitter did, in fact), you could certainly ask her if she knows of anyone.

And she should not have texted you. If you are letting someone down at short notice you should SPEAK to them!

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 09/11/2010 17:26

yabu, she's given fair warning

curlymama · 09/11/2010 17:27

Yabu, she has given you at least 2 days notice, and she does have a commitment to her other job too. Don't mean to sound harsh, but it's not her problem that you need the money before Christmas, I expect she does too.

I've been called by my childminder in the past, on the day she was due to have my children, and had to call in to my work and say I can't make it. More than once.

She must have lots of simelar aged friends though, you could ask her if shehas any suggestions of anyone else that could do it for you.

hairytriangle · 09/11/2010 17:29

It's a pain and I can see why you are annoyed but the only way around it would be to set up a contract.

At least she gave you two days nitice and bot none

traceybath · 09/11/2010 17:29

Try sitters before you cancel your shift.

frakkinup · 09/11/2010 17:30

I can also understand why you're unhappy but YABU.

As other people have pointed out casual babysitting is not permanent work for which you have a contract and have to turn up. She does it if she's free but it turns out that she isn't and it seems she has tried to rearrange things to suit you.

Ask on here if there's anyone who can help you out on short notice in the CMs, au pairs and nannies section - or try Sitters.

LittleCottonSocks · 09/11/2010 17:32

Yabvu

bigchris · 09/11/2010 17:33

They'll be starting their late night shopping on Thursday
it's not her fault she probably only just got told herself

Original poster
macdoodle · 09/11/2010 17:40

Wow ok I guess IAMBU, but I'm sorry I'm still annoyed. I asked her last week if she wanted to stop now and I would find someone else, and she said no.

And also, its not a bloody favour or helping me out, I pay her bloody well, for sitting in front of the TV and using my laptop all evening!

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 09/11/2010 17:42

I'm sure she's not doing it to piss you off.

I don't think 18 year olds really realise how much organisation is involved.

I was in a similar situation when I was 16 or so, I regularly babysat on a Friday night for next-door mum, who worked at a pub.

One week I was asked by another family to babysit for them (their children would only have me as a babysitter) and said yes and asked my friend to replace me.

Then my friend let the next-door mum down, and the mum was *furious" with me.

I did apologise to her afterwards, but I had not really genuinely realised just how much she was counting on me (and as others have pointed out, there was no contract involved, and the pay was pretty miserable).

She DID warn you that it might happen - probably as soon as she knew.

I don't think there's any reason to get annoyed about it being a text, tbh I would rather text sth like that than get into a conversation about it !

mollymax · 09/11/2010 17:44

Do you have a college near you who have child care courses?
You nay get a student from there who would ge glad of some money.

jamaisjedors · 09/11/2010 17:44

I understand you are annoyed but presumably she is getting paid more at m&s or has the possibility of more work there if she accepts shifts?

Would you turn down better paid work?