Should I expect friend to go out of her way?

[Rosesandrain]

My friend and I both have to dc's(hers 2yrs and 10mths mine 2.4yrs and 3mths)and occassionally meet up.
She comes around mine and her eldest climbs over all of my furniture and thinks thats acceptable he also calls everyone 'you stupid idiot'while she laughs her head off
Anyway to cut a long story short she drives and I don't and she thinks it's only fair to take it in turns to visit eachothers houses.
The other week she came round mine(always make her lunch whatever she wants etc).
When it was 'my turn' to go to hers I had no pushchair(was getting fixed)told her this she said 'Well it's your turn so why not get a cab' I did (£8 each way)and wondered why all I got was a cup of weak tea and not a word in edgeways(all about her).
Anyway it's now my turn to visit her but it's freezing/rainy etc and 10 min walk to bus stop then 25min bus ride then 20 min walk from bus stop to her house all in cold weather with two young dc's in double pushchair.
She thinks it's only fair and it's not her problem that I can't drive(hoping to pass soon).
AIBU to ask her to come around mine untill I pass test and I'll make her and dc's lunch?

*I meant she thinks it's acceptable

I don't think that would be unreasonable of you, but then again I don't think it's unreasonable of her to expect people to come to her sometimes.

I have to say that it doesn't sound as thought you like each other very much. Why are you bothering?

*sound as though

What is it you are bothered about, the fact you have to travel to go to her house or that you don't really like how her DCs behave and she isn't v hospitable...

I don't think it would be unreasonable to say you can't make today due to the weather and rearrange but don't think you should expect her to come to you every time just because you can't drive....

It doesn't sound like you have a very good time together anyway so YANBU to not want to spend £8/ stand at a drafty bus stop.

Also I personally wouldn't complain if someone offered to host lunch so I didn't have to cook and tidy the house.

Dump her...you know you want to really...I know that sound cruel but honestly life's too short.

Thanks WillYouDo-great point

Whoneedssleep-never thought of it like that.If we were amazing friends then I probably wouldn't mind making the effort.Only thing is she doesn't listen to a word I say.I had to ask her if I could have a cuppa after an hour of being there because she never offers.She keeps on texting asking when I'm next coming....

Thanks for replies!

TBH if I liked someone enough I´d like to think that I would bother to drive every week if they didn´t drive.

Especially with lunch thrown in!

Is it a very long drive for her?

But really,you don´t sound as if you get on that well.

Thanks diddl!It's 5 mins for her to drive-she drives past past my house most days to go to the supermarket/weigh in centres etc.
Reason it's so long for me is because goes 'all around the houses' iykwim and final stop is good 20 minutes from her house.
I know that sounds lazy but last time me and dc's got caught in horrific rain and I'm thinking why am I doing this?
Also her child hits my child and she says nothing

I had to cut out a relationship this year with someone because it had got just like that. Slightly different because I can drive, but basically I was busting a gut to see someone once a fortnight when I did not have the time or energy to do it.

I felt really resentful of the situation and then realised that it was because I did not enjoy the person's company. I didn't dislike her and she is basically a good and nice person, but the bottom line was that there was absolutely nothing in it for me. It was better to knock it on the head than dragging it out to be polite.

Do you think she gets more out of the friendship than you do?

You are allowed to not get on with people, you know - it doesn't make you a horrible person!

i dont think i would bother personally, sounds like you dont enjoy her company much anyway so all that journey, getting rained on etc its notworth it

As a driver who has many close family - sister daughter etc who dont drive then I dont think until you drive yourself you realise how annoying/expensive/inconvenient it is when people who dont drive think you should do all the running. My DD for example and my DSis can only see it this way - we stand at wet cold bus stops for hours sometimes and walk miles in all weathers - with DCs and shopping etc - all you ve got to do is come out of your house and get in your nice warm car.

It really isnt that clear cut and when you drive you will realise this. I agree that you maybe dont like each other anyway and your friend sounds like she just wants someone to sound off at tbh.

Well I agree I wouldn´t bother as it does sound one sided.

If you want to keep the friendship up I would just tell her you're not coming that week if the weather etc is against you. Then take your turn later if you must.

But tbh, she's self centred, doesn't put the kettle on as soon as you walk in (which is essential in my book) and her child is a pest. I'd tell her I've moved to the Orkney and Shetland Islands if I were you. :)

Suda-I completely agree on that point but people who have to get cabs/buses/tubes etc still spend money.Dh has a car so totally understand and agree with you on that

Willyou-think you have hit the hit the nail on the head.How did you just 'cut off the relationship'?
A few people have fallen out with this friend and she makes their life hellish(making up rumours/texting nasty things etc)
I think it will be very hard to 'drift away' but as junkcollector rightly said life's too short....

Rosesandrain, it was tough, but after a particularly draining visit, I simply decided that life was too short and I was not going to give time to it any more.

So I just kept saying "No thank you" to any offers to get together. After a while I had a text asking if I had done anything to upset, so I phoned and said no, I just didn't have the time for regular visits any more. After that there were a few guilt trips, photo comments on Facebook saying pointed things like "Oh I'm glad to see that you are making time for your friends again" - which just confirmed for me that the friendship had been one-sided.

I have true friends who I can go without seeing for months, years even, then when we get together it's like we were never apart, we have fun and there are no accusations or guilt trips.

If you are feeling forced into this friendship, then that's probably what's happening. Trust yourself. It is very hard to let a friendship wind down, and bound to upset the other person, but honestly you have enough people to look after already.

To be fair to your friend although you give her lunch etc is it possible that she feels uncomfortable in your house due to the issues you have raised in your OP re her sons behaviour?

You clearly don't like his behaviour and if this is apparent then possibly she feels it would be easier if you came to her.

On teh otherhand if you don't enjoy her company then just bring the friendship to an end.

Is there a park halfway between you that you could both walk to?

That way, you oth put in the same effort and can leave whenever you want.