AIBU not to throw a "proper" birthday party for DS1?

[Peculiarjulia]

DS1 5th birthday is 22nd December and because of the way Christmas falls this year also the last day of the school term. For the past four years we've thrown him a party at home the weekend before Christmas for family and friends. This year I've decided to have a joint birthday tea for him and DS2 (whose birthday is 17th December & who will be 2) just for close family the weekend before Christmas and then take them out for the day between Christmas and New Year. Previous years have been really stressful (and expensive) with all the other family, work and school bits going on and as we've had a pretty rough year financially I've told DH that I just want to keep the run up to the birthdays and Christmas as quiet as possible and make sure the boys enjoy their days.

DH and MIL are moaning about this and say that as this is his first year at school we should throw him a party at home for his class or in a hall or a soft play centre as this will help him settle in and make friends. DS1 has ASD and is currently having speech therapy. As far as I am concerned he's settled in ok at school and today received an invitation to a party from a boy in the other Reception class so he seems to be making friends although he doesn't appear to have a best friend or a close group of friends, just boys and a few girls he plays with. DS1 is aware that his birthday is coming up soon (and he has a whole list of presents he would like!) but when I've asked him what he would like to do for his birthday he says he doesn't know.

AIBU?

YANBU, YANBU, YANBU and I bet everyone who usually gets invited is breathing a sigh of relief that they won't have that extra obligation this year.

Nobody in the class will thank you for having a party the week before Christmas. Nobody. In fact they will think you are out of your mind. A party in a hall or in a soft play centre when all the parents are up to their eyes trying to get ready for Christmas and missing out on precious shopping time would feature grim parents and usually some child with an incipient stomach bug who would eventually manage to pass it on to everyone else and ruin Christmas for all.

Stick to your guns. Have a get together when school starts up again in January. Christmas is hectic enough without school parties, and parties are a PITA enough without throwing Christmas into the mix.

No, what you are planning sounds fine. It can get very overwhelming for children around Christmastime, if they also have dec. birthdays. A joint birthday tea sounds lovely.

If your DH is so desperate for a party he should be prepared to do all the preparation, arranging and organizing and supervising. And it's nothing to do with your MIL what you do.

YANBU at all.

I plan on avoiding 'proper' birthday parties for as long as possible.

A quiet celebration at home with family sounds lovely.

I sound like the Grinch. But YANBU.

YANBU.

My DD is Xmas Eve birthday, when she gets to school age, if she wants a party I think we may have an unofficial party for her on the last Saturday of June or something, and make clear on the invites that it's in place of her birthday which was Xmas Eve, as we didn't think many people could make it then!

Not at all, Christmas gets so busy. Have had the same problem as my DS 5 and DD 3 are born a few days either side of Christmas and it's so hectic at that time of year that a big party doesn't work for them, they are far too tired to appreciate it and it's all A Bit Much.

Instead last year they each had a birthday lunch, invited Grandparents and the family who are their best friends and they got to choose the menu (Spag bol, roast chicken and yorkshire puds!), had cake candles icecream etc but not lots of excited kids going bonkers.
The when it's all quiet and boring in February and we're not so skint recovered from Christmas, they each have a proper party with lots of overexcited friends, party rings, hula hoops, jelly etc etc and everyone's happy!