to have said no to contact for the first time

[Tanga]

ExH and I have been separated for 8 years. In all that time, I have never said he can't see DD (now 16), even though he lets her down routinely - in fact I have often talked him into it, done more than my share of travel etc. I am a really firm believer in the importance of maintaining that daughter/father bond and have posted in that vein on here.

But on saturday I reached the end of my tether. After not seeing DD for 2 months (excuse after excuse - car trouble, xmas shopping etc etc) and not having her overnight for over 2 years, he suddenly decided he wanted her overnight on Sunday - the night before her first GCSE exam.

So I said no. He would never have got her to school on time and certainly wouldn't have encouraged her to revise (she should be out enjoying herself and getting pissed, according to him - higher education is a load of bollocks and you learn more from the 'university of life')He's been telling her for two months he can't pick her up due to an interrmittent and undiagnosable electrical fault with his car but now he can guarantee she will be there?

His wife has gone away for a week apparently and so suddenly he wants DD overnight - but Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday are no good. He has carpet fitters in.

You should have heard how shocked he was when I said no. He then had a rant at DD and told her he wanted to strangle me, and that he wouldn't bother with her anymore as she clearly was going to turn out just like me and she should decide what was more important, exams or family.

He sounds a right charmer. YANBU and I bet your daughter is grateful.

YANBU!

DD says she thinks he is trying to cause a big fuss to sabotage her exams so that she fails and can't go to college. So he can stop paying CSA.

Actually if I think about this comment too much I think I might just burst into tears.

Does your DD want to see him? At 16 she is old enough to have the measure of what a wanker he is - and from her last comment it sounds very much as though she isn't bothered about keeping in touch with him. And there is nothing he can do about it - no court will force a 16-year-old to see a parent she doesn't want to see.
WHy not just tell him to sod off once and for all

Prat! Selfish Git etc etc..... (him I mean). Cant believe he would want to put her out of her normal routine the night before a big exam. I know she is 16 but these things are important especially when undergoing a stressful event. YANBU

He is an utter twat and it sounds like your DD has a good measure of him - whcih is both good and sad I know.

Up to your DD IMO, if she is happy with your decision, YANBU.

You have posted previously on my posts so I know your feelings on this issue.

You are allowed to consider your own feelings too, it isn't all about her father.

Good job my exh isn't like this, he would have no chance of changing access with me if he spoke to me like that.

His relationship with your dd is important, but don't let him speak to you like crap. You have brought up your daughter, tried to keep his access up and done your best. Let the twat rot.

Oh my goodness, that mentality sounds just like my ex (without the violence). Anyone confonts him on anything, he throws his toys out of the pram and promptly runs away.

YANBU.

I suspect you are know feeling guilty when you know you have no reason to. So listen to us when we tell you that you have done nothing wrong.

Report the threat of violence to the police

and take your DD's view seriously, I have known of this happening

"she should decide what was more important, exams or family"

means he will try and wiggle out of paying maintenance, as soon as he possibly can