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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Crossing the road

50 replies

newwave · 08/11/2010 20:24

7-30 Sunday morning driving along a residential street approaching a T junction say a couple both femail about 16 and 40 waiting to cross the road (not a pedestrian crossing) I pulled up short of the junction and flashed my lights to signal them to cross.

They crossed without a look in my direction, not a nod or a raised hand, this pissed me off and when I went passed them I opened my window and called the them "a pair of fucking ignorant bitches" I know the language was OTT but I think i was right to get the hump.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 08/11/2010 21:17

like your manners yes?

shouting profanities at people on the street. yes, height of good manners.

animula · 08/11/2010 21:21

In all honesty, the verbal assault kind of wipes out anything else you're saying.

It's nice when our acts of kindness are acknowledged, but it's not something you can expect, and then get miffed out if it doesn't happen.

Also, you have to accept the autonomy of others. As an earlier poster said: Gesturing them across is against the Highway Code, precisely because it may only be safe for them in your opinion. And they may not wish to cross the road, simply because you are urging them to do so.

That's (one) reason your post comes across very oddly.

Original poster

newwave · 08/11/2010 21:22

Yesterday, I would do the same again without hesitation

OP posts:

tethersend · 08/11/2010 21:31

Then why post in AIBU?

JaneS · 08/11/2010 21:32

It just sounds as if you don't really do things (like giving way to these people) to be nice, or because you're required to by the highway code - you do it to get a big wave of thanks. Now, I know that there are situations when you do something nice because the response gives you the warm fuzzies - finding a lovely present for a friend, for example. But it is, frankly, odd to care so much about your own dignity that you expect strangers to thank you for a minor act of courtesy.

That's why you're getting these responses, imo.

lollypoplady · 08/11/2010 21:37

newwave Just had to come and have a sneaky look!

MsSparkle · 08/11/2010 21:37

Good manners would be thinking what a pair of fucking ignorant bitches in your head, then moving on. But saying it outloud to them wasn't good manners, it just made you look like a vile mouthed cow.

look up the word manners

"a person's outward bearing; way of speaking to and treating others: She has a charming manner".

Original poster

newwave · 08/11/2010 21:40

I wanted to gauge the opinions of others, a survey of sorts. Also this is the best forum to judge opinion, no holding back by anybody which is to be valued if not always agreed with.

I dont expect many to agree with as I have (when angered) an agressive nature and tend react, my firs post was about having problems parking over my drive (school opposite) and letting the tyres down of a persistent offender (she had been spoken to before) and most daid I was wrong, then again I am not courting approval just adding my two pennorth (sp).

I see plenty of posts by people who have been "wronged" but dont seem to do anything and just put up with it.

But i digress.

OP posts:

MissBeehiving · 08/11/2010 21:40

I think YABU. What you should have done is... jumped out of your car, wrestled them to the ground and forced them to apologise for not acknowledging your magnanimous act of personal sacrifice. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour. In fact, thinking about it I probably would have insisted on a written apology and some kind of floral tribute from them.

Original poster

newwave · 08/11/2010 21:42

Lollypop, and you wanted me to do it twice, I think not. :o

OP posts:

Summerbird73 · 08/11/2010 21:44

good god you expect other people to display good manners yet you shout 'fucking ignoratnt bitches' at them - how does that work exactly?

how unpleasant - and frankly quite chavvy!

someone shouted and called me a bitch from their car for no obvious reason once and it really upset me for ages (and i am usually quite thick skinned)

MsSparkle · 08/11/2010 21:44

"I see plenty of posts by people who have been "wronged" but dont seem to do anything and just put up with it."

But you weren't "wronged" though were you really. A couple of people didn't gesture a thank you when you stopped to let them cross. It's hardly the crime of the year is it?

I have stopped and give way to four cars in a row once and not one driver thanked me. Actually that happens alot. But it would never accure to me to wind down my window and shout abuse at them. If i did that, it would certainly say more about me then anybody else!

MoralDefective · 08/11/2010 22:07

I'm a coward..
Too scaredy cat to shout in case i get held up at the next lights and they catch up with me.
I shout and swear to my sad little hearts content while driving though.
However while i do think you were perhaps a leeetle bit OTT,i also HATE it when people are rude.

Original poster

newwave · 08/11/2010 22:19

Sparkle

"But you weren't "wronged" though were you really. A couple of people didn't gesture a thank you when you stopped to let them cross. It's hardly the crime of the year is it?."

"I see plenty of posts by people who have been "wronged" but dont seem to do anything and just put up with it."

But i digress.

The clue is in "but i digress" I will be pleased to explain it if you like.

OP posts:

MsSparkle · 09/11/2010 08:42

pmsl.

aurynne · 09/11/2010 10:17

I think one day someone will slap you in the face and you will deserve it, to be honest.

When you open the door for somebody and they don't thank Your Highness you also scream profanity at them?

I bet you don't do it when the "ungrateful" person is a 6'5" hairy tattooed male. A 40-year-old woman with a teenager are fair game though.

YABVU and a twat.

mamadiva · 09/11/2010 10:30

Newwave do you realise the irony of you whinging about manners when you shout at people like this?

There is no excuse for it, I don't drive but I do acknowledge drivers if they do let me pass with a wave or something. But then again if I'm rushing around for some reason or am having a bad day then I guess I have been known to just walk without thinking it's not exactly the end of the world and is not particularly rude.

What you did however is very low on the manners scale yet you have the cheek to moan and bleet on! I think before you go out the door again you need to sit down and think about what impression you are putting out there and realise that until you can show respect then you won't be given any.

Serendippy · 09/11/2010 10:34

YABU to only do something if you expect thanks in return. YABU to shout at people. YABU to post here and think for one minute that people would agree with you. YAnotveryniceatall.

loonies · 09/11/2010 10:43

Shouting at them was wrong newwave. However they were also a bit unpolite to not say thank you.

Suda · 09/11/2010 10:53

If I ever let someone out in my car - hold a door open for someone and they react in an ignorant manner or dont acknowledge - I always think - well you never know what might be on that persons mind - they might be having a really really bad day - or even life - at that time. Enough complete strangers smile or wave or make some nice comment to more than compensate for the few that dont IME. So its still 'nice to be nice' - as one of my late uncle used to say.

I think OP that YWBU and completely OTT - as other poster has said I think you have other issues which are making you so angry over something so trivial. Trouble is - you turn anger like that in on yourself and it damages you own peace of mind - try and let it go for that reason and not least because people will think youre a bit of a weirdo - shouting and swearing at strangers in the street.

bumperella · 09/11/2010 13:10

It is irritating when people behave as if you're invisible. If I let a car out and they don't bother to acknowledge me it does make me frown.... I don't do it to get a "thanks" I do it becuase I'm not totally self-centred.
HOWEVER.... I wouldn't then shout and swear at them as am not a raging loony.

RoxieP · 09/11/2010 13:17

Someone shouted and beeped at me the other day for not thanking them for letting me past - when In fact I just didn't have a hand free because I was negotiating parked cars in the road etc.

It upset me as I felt he was far more rude to me doing that than I was not thanking him in the first place and it quite upset me - so yes I think YABU! The shouting and swearing was quite uncalled for!

Suda · 09/11/2010 13:27

Yes we shouldnt be nice to get a thank you every time. Being nice is its own reward.

God I sound like Mother Theresa .

Once had a colleague who on holding open swing doors for people who just flounced through - would say loudly 'Dont mention it' - followed quickly by 'Oh you didnt'.

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/11/2010 13:36

I can see why you were annoyed. It is very frustrating to have no acknowledgment for a kindness.

BUT, you then just went and undermined the whole point of what was, presumably altruistic thing, by getting SO angry.

Obv. I don't know you, but I wonder if you are feeling particularly rage-ey ATM

frgr · 09/11/2010 14:01

you were horrible. yabu.

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