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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

kids being friends with teachers on facebook

61 replies

memoo · 08/11/2010 19:43

Am I the only one who things this is weird?

I use to work in a primary school, stopped last year after having dd.

I have lost count of the number of students from the school (some now in high school) who have requested me as a friend.

I have also seen teaching staff that I am friends with that have pupils from school as their friend on facebook.

Surely this is inappropriate?

Kids should not be requesting the friendship in the first place but the teacher/TA shouldn't be accepting them.

If I found out one of my children was friends with their teacher on FB I would be complaining to the school

The teacher/TA is leaving themselves open to all kind of allegations

OP posts:

NormaStanleyFlashBangAahhhh · 08/11/2010 20:15

It is sooooo completely wrong, risky, dangerous, and well, wrong.

And why would anyone want to?

BellaBearisWideAwake · 08/11/2010 20:15

Hets CC advice is to definitely not make fiends with pupils - doesn't stop a fair few doing so though. And also check your security to make sure it is highest level.

We had a nasty case of FB bullying against a member of staff last year.

I tell pupils (am secondary) that I'm not allowed and also don't want to.

(in one case a teacher is friends with a pupil who is also her brother, not sure how to get round that one!)

BellaBearisWideAwake · 08/11/2010 20:16

*Herts

Hulababy · 08/11/2010 20:24

I was a teacher and am now a TA.

I won't have any child, full stop, as a FB friend. 16 years plus for me.

I also wouldn't have current parents (ie anyone with a child in the school) as FB friends - well, unless they also happened to be a good friend.

I would, however, consider ex pupils - they'd be at university or even finished by now. Would depend on who it was and why they wnted to be a FB friend. I may consider setting restrictions on what they see too.

SE13Mummy · 08/11/2010 20:38

It's not just weird, it's incredibly foolish .

I am a primary school teacher who uses FB but aside from not having a very exciting life I have my privacy settings at the highest level possible, don't appear in searches and don't accept 'friend' requests from children I've taught until they are 16. I also report to FB any pupils who are silly enough to send me a friend request and are below 13.

ceilidhknco · 08/11/2010 20:41

Ew no! YAdefinatelyNBU. I'm actually still at school and that is just plain weird . It's like taking down the techer/student relationship and the teacher must be able to see everything their posting and all their pictures.... nope definately crossing the line.

clam · 08/11/2010 20:42

No, no, no!

backwardpossom · 08/11/2010 20:46

You are so NBU! I would never accept a request from a pupil!

kat2504 · 08/11/2010 20:48

Definitely no. I am a teacher and this is strictly against all our ICT policies. We are also instructed to ensure our profiles are set to private. Accepting friend requests from children is totally inappropriate. Am bothered that 8 year olds are on FB though! How do their parents think that is appropriate for an 8 year old?

Panzee · 08/11/2010 21:02

I know it's common sense, and I protect my profile, but I do baulk at being "instructed to ensure our profiles are private". Do you not resent being told what to do outside school?

tjacksonpfc · 08/11/2010 21:03

Ive got a few of the dcs teachers and TAs on my Fb. However ive worked at the school and still help at the school so a bit different. Plus my dcs don't have fb lol

Porcelain · 08/11/2010 21:07

Absolutely not. I have also deliberately not joined groups for school fundraisers so my profile is kept off radar. I don't have any under 18s on, not because there is anything dodgy, but because I don't want to censor myself. There is also the risk of an old uni friend tagging an embarrassing photo, or DH flirting on the comments . Work (kids or grown ups) shouldn't have that insight into my private life.
Then there's the new code of conduct, which gives even more reason to stay private, lest your antics be deemed "unprofessional".
The teacher "keeping an eye on them" is not only setting himself up for a disciplinary, he's also way out of jurisdiction, internet safety at home is the parents' job; a teacher hanging out in the park outside school hours to keep an eye on their pupils would be considered creepy and overzealous, the virtual world isn't all that different.

Porcelain · 08/11/2010 21:10

Panzee, a former colleague of mine recently lost his job over conduct online, I'd rather know where I stood than make the wrong call and lose my career.

RubyBuckleberry · 08/11/2010 21:12

very dodgy! yadefnbu

HerculesPoirot · 08/11/2010 21:17

Definitely not appropriate. As the e-safety coordinator at our secondary school we have an explicit policy on this saying it is not allowed. We have also disciplined members of staff for continuing to be 'friends' with students via social networking sites.

We have also advised our staff to check their privacy settings carefully and offered to check this for anyone who is unsure how to do this. We also reiterate often that anything (pictures etc..) uploaded onto the internet are essentially put into the public domain as you lose control over who can copy these and paste them elsewhere so we advise staff follow the same rule of thumb we teach the students - if you wouldn't share it with your family around the dinner table, don't upload it to the internet!!!

NurseSunshine · 08/11/2010 21:24

Why on earth would you allow yourself to be findable on facebook if you're a teacher?! Absolutely leaving yourself open to all sorts of bother. I'm a student nurse and have my profile on the most private settings they can be and use a nickname instead of my real last name. I'm not going to lose my job because of facebook!
I should think you'd have to seriously question if there was something going on with the teachers who friended pupils on fb

Panzee · 08/11/2010 21:35

Why not be findable? You just ignore friend requests from students/parents. I'm not defending people who befriend students, they are idiots. But it's starting to feel a bit OTT.

PinkIceQueen · 08/11/2010 21:36

I delete all pupil and parent requests, and also any colleagues that have foolishly accepted, and told them the reasons why they have been deleted. It's common sense, surely? Why would I want anyone I teach knowing about my private life?

readywithwellies · 08/11/2010 22:02

Kids do it cos they are nosey little buggers who want to see the teacher's pictures. All you have to do is block the requests.

Personally, if I found out a teacher had accepted a request I would be telling the school. It is not acceptable, regardless of what people will say about the age limit for Facebook, it is easy to get around the date of birth question so dcs do have accounts.

If I found out a teacher had requested my child to be a friend, I would be reporting it to the police and the school. I would consider this grooming. What possible reason would a genuine teacher (of under 16s) have for having their pupils on Facebook?

Just13moreyearstogo · 08/11/2010 22:07

Lots of kids like to have as many people as possible on their friends list so they approach everyone they know. Any sensible teacher will ignore a friend request from a pupil or former pupil.

chipmonkey · 08/11/2010 22:22

YANBU.A few of ds's schoolmates have been scolded by teachers for even trying to add them as friends.

My cousins, one a nurse and one a play therapist use nicknames. I would never have found them on FB if they hadn't added me. I also wouldn't add a patient as a friend.

Liv77 · 08/11/2010 22:52

YANBU I'm not a teacher but work with children and occasionally receive FB requests. I would never accept them.

I've also had requests from children of friends which I always ignore. I am friends with your mum - not you. The strangest was my friends 8 year old son whom i've never even met as she has lived at the other end of the country for the last 15 years.

musicmadness · 09/11/2010 01:04

depends if the student has left the school IMO. once the student has left I don't see the problem.

emptyshell · 09/11/2010 07:39

I can't think of anything I'd want on my FB LESS than kids or parents of kids I've taught to be honest! Can you imagine the AIBUs?

AIBU to be annoyed DS's teacher went out to the pub on a school night?
AIBU to be upset that DD's teacher had a photograph taken of her with a cheerleading pompom on her head?
DD's teacher said she'd had a crap day at work on FB - does she hate my child? (No, we just have crap days like the rest of the planet - my Mary Poppins skills aren't 100% yet)

My profile's locked down for other reasons really (I have an ex who periodically decides to make bother and send threats/try to track me down - nice chap!) but I know friends who teach secondary who had to go through a phase of making false names on their profiles when FB changed things to mean you couldn't be unsearchable for a while because they had so many kids from school trying to add them.

gorionine · 09/11/2010 07:52

YANBU I do not think it is appropriate because the teachers are adults and the children by definition are not. There is no way of controllinfg what people will write on the teachers wall for children to read. Also If I am correct children under the age of 13 are not supposed to be on FB so primary age children certainly should not be there.

"I've even had a fair few requests from parents hmm why on earth do you request to be friends with your childs TA."

Is it not possible to be friends with them on the ground they are nice people you get along with, not because they are your child's TA IYSWIM. I remember once inviting a friend of DD1 who also happen to be the child of a teacher in the same school. the mum said "oh thanks nobody ever invites her because she is my daughter" I found that very sad. I think teachers/TA are teaching my dcs during school hours but outside that they can be my friends (in general, not nrecessarwely on FB)if we both want to. I never quite understood why the need for total separation between teachers and parents outside school.

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