to think about moving away because I dislike loads of the parents at childrens school?

[duewest]

Hard hat on.

Basically I have two children at primary school. We are happy on the whole with school although my eldest DS who is in year 3 has never really settled. (he loves the work side but struggles socially

My younger DS is in year 1 and seems to like school and has made lots of friends.

My DH has been offered a job working over 150 miles away which he has to take so he can either live there in the week and come back to us at weekends or we can all go.

I really dislike the school run, a lot of the mums are cliquey and I feel like some of them have taken a dislke to me although they don't know me. I dread parties.

I would say hello to everyone, only to be ignored (I can't be bothered now). i admit to not making a great effort for various reasons so partly my fault, I guess?

My youngest son has had a handful of friends over, only to be invited back to 1 friends. One of the mums said she would have him over the following week and then made ab excuse about how they have something on every night. I then overheard that she was having one of the other boys over for tea. God I know I sound petty.

I just think a move might be best for the whole family or not?

You don't sound socially confident and seem a little paranoid? Unless you address your own issues of low confidence in social situations, then similar difficulties may well arise at any future school

hmc, I don't think she sounds at all paranoid. There are loads of cliquey little groups around. Maybe you have never felt left out by a group. It's an awful feeling.

duewest I do not think you sound paranoid - I know from experience some some areas are very friendly others exceptionally clique.

I think you have to look at all the reasons for everyone to move and stay and not just this one.

TBH if it is a permenant job and you have no ties to the area I would move anyway. wouldn't want us to be livig apart from DH full stop, without even getting into the school side of things.

clicky mums at school are par for the course im afraid.Ive been in them with the older dcs and wel and truly out with dd 8 as i was the only single parent and worked nights as nurse so probably looked like i was on drugs when took and picked her up. I wont say it didnt bother me occasionally but i do get great joy when there is one lone one who decides to speak to me as has nothing else to do and i say "Hi" and walk off. My motto is dont speak if you cant speak all teh time.
I am now pg which is all very interesting.When i started to show after the summer hols they all sidled up to me asking questions.I was very cagey and gave one word answers which you can tell killed them.A friend over heard a group of them speculating as to it all so the next day i asked them if they needed any further info on my life.It eas very funny.Ony move if its benficail in other ways not just cos of that.

I have spent years in your situation,to the point where i would wait away from everyone and only move in once DSs class came out,nabb him,and leave pronto.It didn't bother me after a while..

I have a friend who is highly confident,and who has been a supply teacher for years,she ended up moving school(but not house) for her DCs because the playground mafia depressed her so much.. Is this an option? if you don't wish to move house..

Thank you all. At least its not just me, IYSWIM although sorry to posters who are or have been there.

hmc - I don't think I'm paranoid. My DS1 is in year 3 - lots of time to weigh it up. Prehaps I can be a bit socially akward.Hohum.

Just been for parents evening with my bump and gorgeous toyboy husband.One of the worst "bullies" was there with her big fat old dh...love it haha

It sounds like you should go...see it as a fresh start and really make an effort to find a nice school...when you get there, join the PTA....its an effortbut it does get you in a postion of making friends.

I think tbh that kids will choose their own friends in the end anyway....once they get to high shool it's a different story...and parents hardly factor in.

I would move-have a fresh start and the family together all the time. Just bear in mind that you could find the same problem. Joining the PTA is a good way to get to know people.

I did move schools because of playground mafia (other parents, teachers and kids!) - coincidentally, we wanted to move about 300 miles away and my DH's transfer fell through, anyway, that option removed from us, we moved the DCs to a new school only half a mile away. We came across more problems, some similar, some different, but I felt more able to cope. Looking back I feel a bit ashamed I couldn't have stood up for myself more but I hope I've learnt a lot as a result. Sadly my youngest still pines for her old school after nearly 2 years.

In many ways I think the distance thing would have helped so if you can, I'd go for it. Grab the opportunity, but try to take lessons with you.

"hmc - I don't think I'm paranoid. My DS1 is in year 3 - lots of time to weigh it up. Prehaps I can be a bit socially akward.Hohum."

Hey, me too. It takes ages for me to get to know people. I can still feel awkward at the school gates because I am inept at small talk (and I do a lot better in smaller groups), but most of the time I can spot a friend in the milieu. TBH that is my issue not anyone else's. Our playground is not cliquey - and I've seen new arrivees at school settle in very quickly; they are just more adept at chit chat that I am [shrugs]

If you are socially awkward I am just pointing out what's to say the same situation would not arise at a different school?

I think you can be unlucky with certain year groups or just find that you dont "fit" with the other parents of kids in that year.

I have two DCs but have found it much easier to make friends with the mums in DS2s year than DS1. so I wouldnt write off the OP is being "socially awkward" it may be that she just hasnt found mums that she feels comfortable with.

there will always be cliques, but a lot of the time I dont think the "members" realise that they seem cliquey from the outside.

duewest I have nothing of any use to add, I just wanted to say that I could have written your posts myself!