AIBU to be a little bit annoyed when people say one thing then do another.

[redderthanred]

because it really bugs me.

Family all say they will babysit for me. Was feeling a little bit lonely a few weeks back and have managed to arrange an evening out, to a pub next week.
Family knew i was feeling a bit crap, told me to get out there and they would always be on hand to baby sit.

So, i call my sister and ask her. She says,' well, im not sure, can i let you know next week' call my mum who says ' but i have work the next day,and if its later than 9.30 i will be tired'
Asked my brother, told him he could come round, bring his gf, i would get a pizza ( just no shagging on my bed!!!) and he said ' i dont know'

If they didnt say they would do it, then i wouldnt have organised it.

Not one of them have babysat in an evening for about a year. In fact, i only think its happened about twice.

Is there a particular family member that you can speak to who will understand (maybe your mum or sister?) Explain that you were really looking forward to a night off after feeling so low, and that you felt very upset when everybody (who had previously offered to help) then backed out.

The thing is, they don't have to help, it's not their duty, so steer clear of any 'you've let me down/I feel unsupported' lines and just explain that you felt really sad that you had to cancel your plans.

I reckon they'll feel guilty for not realising how big a deal it was to you, and hopefully will arrange to babysit soon.

I understand your frustration, easy to get hopes up.. but basically, never expect anything until it is actually properly fixed and arranged for specific date and time, then you wan't be disappointed. If they then let you down, that is a different matter. Don't rely on a "loose" promise or vague mention.

How old is your child? If very young, maybe they are a bit nervous about sitting alone?

For all 3 to have such crap transparent excuses, or none at all, is a bit rubbish though.

I would ask your Mum, if not that night when would suit her?(she works, so be very appreciative). Or I would try and pay for a babysitter/crèche and try and have a cheaper/shorter night or day out - gives you the break you want and when you want it. Try and get your Mum/sister/brother to sit for you for just a couple of hours, if they are daunted by a whole night?

But its not a whole night, it will be from 8pm till about 10:30pm. 11 latest. So 3 hours tops.
DD is almost 5 and will be in bed.
Everyone works, as do i.

Its just they all say ' we will babysit anytime' and then when you ask they back out.

If i say i really want to go to something they say they will help and then cancel, or turn it into a big deal.

I was feeling really upset ( like crying, upset) few weeks ago about lack of friends in the area and how night after night im on my own. They all said ' oh , go find an evening class, we will babysit' thats rubbish though, wouldnt even ask, because they wont even do it once.

Then my bloody mother keeps going on about signing me up to match. dom. gggrrrrr. firstly i told her on no account do i want her to do that and secondly, when does she think ill be able to go out if noone will ever babysit.

Thing is, if i went and found someone else to do it, then they all get the hump with me. I know this because ive done it and its happened.

Cant bloody wiin

You can win, if they are not dependable you know you are wasting your time asking them, so you have to keep your distance and be independent - it is hard not being able to call on your family but it happens and you need to take control irrespective of how they feel, you give them first offer, then if they can't do it have a back up?

I very rarely go out, hardly ever with dh, my mother is brilliant now she has retired, she will have my two children overnight at her house, but I know it is a lot of work, quite tiring because she is on her own.

Would your mother/sister/brother invite your dd to their house/s for a sleepover? Have you any good friends? Does your dd's father never look after her?

Five - that is exacally the point. I dont have any friends locally. None.
I have arranged a night out with a new aquantince in the hope of it turning out being friends.

Dds dad has her every other weekend. So, i do have time then. Its just this new aquantice asked if i fancied coming along to the pub next week, and not having any friends and being desperate to make some i said yes.

Im more independent than most people. probably half the reason why ive ended up like i have. Ive lived in a different country for years, so am used to not depending on family.

Ive had a back up plan in the past, only for people to get the total hump with me beacuse i have used the back up plan and then ive not been spoken to for 2 weeks.

Its just im annoyed of people making a big show of saying they will do something, then when i comes down to it, coming up with lame excuses and then chastising you if you come up with another plan.