not to want my son to learn the violin?

[MMQC]

This is my first AIBU, be gentle with me!

My son is six years old. He goes to a small village primary school with a single class for year 2, 3 and 4. This year, it has been decided that they are all to learn the violin.

Now I'm not a musician, but the violin does not strike me as the obvious choice for a group of 6, 7 and 8 year olds to learn to play. I'm all for fostering musicality, but the thought of my (let's face it, non-musically-gifted) son 'practising' on a violin at home for hours on end fills me with dread.

Last week, we were sent a letter asking us to pay £25 for the hire, maintenance and insurance of a violin for the remainder of the academic year, so our children can massacre the instrument at home too. The general consensus among the other mums is that we'd happily pay more not to have them brought home.

AIBU and mean-spirited and a spoilsport not to want to pay? Would you?

[gorionine]

Well if he is keen, these are your friends

[nickelbangBANGbang]

I have a friend who could play any instrument as soon as she picked it up and she used to play the tenor recorder beautifully. a quartet of recorders was formed in the music class at 6th form and they used to play mediaeval recorder music. It was lovely.

(i like recorders anyway, but it is true that you have to be good for them to sound lovely)

[buttonmoon78]

As a music teacher I agree that singing is not a cast iron indicator of musical ability.

IMO the violin is a nasty sound until you get reasonably good (ie grade 5 or above). However, for schools it is a cheap way to start pupils learning an instrument.

I'd let him do this then if he does show any aptitude suggest subtly that there are plenty of other instruments - if he likes strings, cellos are a 'nicer' sound, clarinets are good wind instruments or there are plenty of brass instruments you can try - trumpet, trombone, cornet are all fairly common.

YABU. But I understand your pain!

[MaMoTTaT]

nickel - I've always been able to do that too though not so much with stringed instrument

Took up Oboe for a term at middle school, took grade 1, and then quit as it was getting tricky to practice my Clarinet, Recorder and Organ as well

Surprised myself by being able to play DS1's violin pieces for him as well to show him how they should sound

[LittleMissHissyFit]

Oh this grates on me!

He's keen, stop standing in his way OP. would it be so hard to support him in something he enjoys?

I'm not musical at all.

My DS (4.11)loves music, always has done. He attends a kodaly school which he loves and they teach everyone that there is no such thing as tone deaf.

Encourage your child, just because you don't have any musical inclination, doesn't mean he won't.

My father was a musician, but I never had the patience. I wish I'd persevered tbh. No-one who learns to play an instrument will ever say, Oh I wished I'd never learnt. But I would say that most people who can't play would wish that they had.

No-one in my family in living memory, has ever spoken any other language other than English. I speak 5. thank god my parents didn't discourage me in what I enjoyed.

[ilovehens]

I don't know why people keep saying that the strings make a horrible, screechy sound. Yes, a beginner isn'g going to be soundingn like Nigel Kennedy, but there's far worse noises than a beginner violin.......such as kids arguing or dh clashing pots and pans around.

My ds isn't particularly gifted, but his viola was beginning to sound quite nice after only a few weeks.

Kids need to be encouraged and given opportunities to try musical instruments. Music is good for the soul and opens up all kinds of social opportunities.

[TattyDevine]

My father cannot sing. To the extent where he will obligingly move his lips in church or whatever but make sure nothing comes out.

He was one of the finest orchestral musicians of his time and very, very well known in musical circles worldwide.

You just never know.

[emptyshell]

I'd rather have the violin to endure than recorders - I have a real thing against the sound of recorders.

If it's anything like the kids I've seen of a similar age playing in music lessons when I've been out on supply - they're not going to get near the bow for most of the year, thus minimizing the screech factor.

I would have killed for the chance to play an instrument at school but the head teacher hated me so blocked everything I put my name down for (I know this for a fact from one of my old teachers who told me what the score was when I met up with her in later years).

[ilovehens]

If you want a 'nicer' strings sound, then cello or viola are an option. These instruments are a bit easier on the ear.

I bought my ds a very nice viola for about £200, which sounds a lot, but if you consider how much wii and ps3 consoles and games cost, that's not so bad. ds viola sounds very nice and isn't a nasty, student model, so you don't have to remain stuck with the school model if your son takes up the violin properly.

[PenelopeTitsDropped]

Neither Dh or myself are musical. On starting school DD had a letter offering a range of instruments/lessons.

She could read; and before she got home, she had decided on the violin and it was a fait accompli; from a very determined 4 and a half year old. We wanted to give her every opportunity, so readily agreed.

It was "difficult" and painful to listen to at first(she was quite keen). The cat left home on several occasions.

Now. I'm so bloody proud of her. It's music and it's beautiful music,. She did first chair/first solo at orchestra's concert last month. She got a standing ovation and encore calls.

Be happy that your're expanding horizons and providing opportunities.

Both the cat and I deserve some sort of award, like a "Victoria cross of string instruments in very young hands".A national award/recognition would be appropriate.

Don't get me started on the recorder. She played two at a time until I buried the bastards in the compost bin.

[Cyclebump]

The violin is generally chosen for this age group because it comes in the requisite size and things like brass instruments need the player to have their permanent teeth settled before they can be attempted.

The screeching stage doesn't last that long and it won't be for hours, trust me on this (I teach at a music school).

I'm against the prescriptive idea of being forced to learn a particular instrument because I think children should be given the chance to try a few and decide what they would like to play but if he wants to give it a go it does seem a bit mean not to let him.

Oh and if his singing's that bad at 6, perhaps he just needs a bit more help and musical experience. The actual incidence of true tone deafness is less than one per cent and I know very few music teachers who have come across a genuine case.

[Lancelottie]

DH was adamantly opposed to any of the children learning violin.

The third child was equally determined that that is the instrument for her. She won.

Given that the older two have variously inflicted beginner flute, euphonium, trumpet and drums on us so far, I'm finding beginner violin surprisingly restful

[Rocketbird]

I would absolutely love DD to have the chance to play an instrument at school. But the likelihood is that we won't be able to afford the classes that we had (DH's family learnt everything going, I learnt the violin). If someone handed DD a violin and said they'd teach her for £25 a term I'd bite their hand off. It was more than that for me to learn in the early eighties.

[nickelbangBANGbang]

thank god for DH, is all I can say to all this - he's the first person who's encouraged me to practise at home.
Although, I got a bit annoyed upon moving onto the key of A in my piano book last week, I was trying to work out the fingering in my left hand, and I called him over to check if it worked okay. He said "oh, I can't tell unless I have a go", so I let him sit on the chair, and he played the tune I was learning perfectly, first time but he did his fingering differently from me (and quite blatantly wrongly ). (and at least I heard how the tune should sound so I had a little bit of a clue!)
not the point, though. bloody men and their grade 8. [fume]

[NordicPrincess]

never say no to any opportunity, keep all options open. try it and see if he likes you, its about his development not you!

[Lancelottie]

Yes, good point about the singing and tone deafness being partly a question of practice. Middle child was a great one for singing around the tune as a little kid (he has a report somewhere saying 'DS2 sings with great enthusiasm and some sense of rhythm', which about summed it up).

And despite our horrified anticipation last year when he announced he had a solo in the school panto, he did a perfectly respectable job of it -- maybe not ethereally delightful, but certainly in tune (and audible, which is more than could be said for some of them, and still with enthusiasm!).

[nickelbangBANGbang]

exactly, Lancie - my mum also banned me from joining the church choir as a child because she said I couldn't sing. (didn't stop her from letting my untrained voice enter the talentless contest on holiday, though - if i'd been allowed to join the choir, I migth have actually got somewhere :( )

and now I've got a medal for singing and I do solos and everything.

[emptyshell]

We had a neighbour whose kid was learning the trombone.

Be grateful. Also it's a heck of a lot easier to get on the way to school than my chuffingly large guitar was on public transport for years and years!

[MaMoTTaT]

nickel - I can sight read too (I'd better shut up - going to start a thread where I want your - and other MNers - suggestions for Christmas music )

[nickelbangBANGbang]

I might have been able to sight-read, too, if my parents had been encouraging of me to be musical. [harumph]

see, MMQC, a life-time of bitter resentment. :(

(i can sight-read for the recorder as long as it's not got dotted-semi-quavers in it...)

[MaMoTTaT]

can you hold a tune though nickel (like an alto like or 2nd sop?), or play by ear, or memorise music, or improvise?

I can do none of those


Just a word of warning though to parent - you can go the opposite way from discouraging and push too much. I very nearly QUIT music 2 terms after getting into music school because my dad was pushing me so much and I was so fed up of not being allowed to do x/y/z because it was "too dangerous" "might damage my fingers" "wouldn't leave time for practising"

[diddl]

I think if he wants to-why wouldn´t you encourage him?

I used to play violin in the school orchestra-loved it.

Also played descant, treble & tenor recorders.

My children have shown no interest whatsoever in learning an instrument & that really saddens me tbh.

[acebaby]

honestly, it won't be that bad. They will start slowly, and as others have said only need to practice 5-10 minutes a day. It may be a bit scratchy (although if they are well taught not too dreadful!), but won't be really loud - so you won't be able to hear them in a different room if you have the radio on. Having said that, I would try to be there while he practices if you can. Children come on much faster if you supervise their practice for the first couple of years.

The advantage of the violin is that they will be able to participate in orchestras and string groups from the earliest days. Many children love this - even if they don't have loads of natural ability.

Give it a go . My parents were utterly horrified when I wanted to play the violin at this age but it has honestly turned out to be one of the great pleasures of my life. As a child and teenager, I played in the National Children's and Youth Orchestras and had a terrific time. As an adult, I still play regularly and it is a wonderful break from the grind of work and young children.

[mumeeee]

YABU, It sounds like a god deal to me. DD1 started learning the violin at the age of 8. They wer'nt offered any music lessons until year 3. She was told to practise 10 minutes a day,but she didn't always remeber to do that.