not to want my son to learn the violin?

[MMQC]

This is my first AIBU, be gentle with me!

My son is six years old. He goes to a small village primary school with a single class for year 2, 3 and 4. This year, it has been decided that they are all to learn the violin.

Now I'm not a musician, but the violin does not strike me as the obvious choice for a group of 6, 7 and 8 year olds to learn to play. I'm all for fostering musicality, but the thought of my (let's face it, non-musically-gifted) son 'practising' on a violin at home for hours on end fills me with dread.

Last week, we were sent a letter asking us to pay £25 for the hire, maintenance and insurance of a violin for the remainder of the academic year, so our children can massacre the instrument at home too. The general consensus among the other mums is that we'd happily pay more not to have them brought home.

AIBU and mean-spirited and a spoilsport not to want to pay? Would you?

[gorionine]

I think on the ground that it is a paying activity I would make sure your DC wanted to give it a try and decline if he shows no interest. I think it is cheeky from the school to make the activity compulsary if not free.

My Dcs are not into music at all (well DD4 shows some signs that she might actually be interested)and it is torture when they have to learn an instrument in school (free) so far we had occarina, guitar,recorder and clarinet they hated it and I hated it even more. I really could not see the point of "forcing them" to practice at home something they had no interest in and clearly no talent for. There is absolutely no way I would have payed for it.

I know I go against the grain though

[ilovehens]

I'm taking lessons and learning the viola alongside my ds. We have the same tutor and we play duets together. Might sound a bit twee, but we're having lots of fun and he enjoys the fact that I'm supporting him. We get to sit and bite our nails together over whichever one of us is taking an exam

[cory]

It is not the worst instrument I could imagine:

the recorder sounds worse (believe me!)

the French horn is heavy to carry and quite difficult to get a sound out of

the guitar is limited in its uses: part of the fun at this age is being in an ensemble

for the piano... sooner or later you need a piano

clarinet- ghastly noise

in fact, I can't think of an instrument that is better for this age group

and it is certainly not too early to learn an instrument- far harder to learn if you start later

no, I think the violin is an ideal choice and the age is about right

Sorry.

[BusyMissIzzy]

I took cello lessons at school. My cello case had a sticker on it that said "Play it? I can hardly carry it!". Aged 7/8, I thought that was hilarious.

[MMQC]

Missed a few post there. You're all making sense ... but I don't have the musicality to be able to correct him or even spot if he's getting it right (I'm tone deaf).

How is practising at home (I'm contemplating the shed as an option!) going to help if we can't support it?

But I guess that's true of any instrument ...

[ZZZenAgain]

I agree with you though, the dictatorial feel to it - it has been decided the dc will learn violin - would grate on me too.

Try and let go of that if you can, it sounds alright if the dc are enthusiastic. Music can be expensive (instruments, lessons etc) and they are getting an opportunity to see what it is all about. He can choose a different instrument later on when something grabs his fancy if he finds violin is not for him.

I btw did nto choose violin for dd. She choose it which I feel is ideally how it should be. I would have chosen cello for her actually but if they know what they want, it is good I feel to let them try it. If they don't have something specific in mind, try what it is offered.

IMHO a music lesson is never wasted, even if they drop it later on.

Maybe they chose violin because of the availability of instruments of the right size and a teacher able to teach it in a group. Are they learning Suzuki style, do you know?

[flowerybeanbag]

DS1's (local authority absolutely not in the slightest posh) nursery school recently announced they were all going to be learning the violin, which had me slightly . He's only 3. DH and I are musical, I play the violin and viola myself. There's obviously a reasonable chance DS may be musical but I was a bit concerned about putting him off at such an early age. A conversation with the teacher reassured me a bit and I'll be keeping a close eye and seeing how it goes.

But at the age of 6 if your DS is dead keen I would be for it absolutely.

Viola is marvellous ilovehens. Yes you are the butt of all the jokes, but it's dead easy to get into all the orchestras - I had a whale of a time.

[AllOverIt]

I learned violin at that age, and I would say it's quite a good instrument to learn. I'd be encouraging him if he's keen.

I'll be doing the same with my DC, plus the piano.

His teacher will be able to correct him, so don't worry on that score....

[MaMoTTaT]

I don't think we had to pay anything for that first term irrc . Although we did have to sign a form to say that we'd pay £50 (I think?) for the fixing/replacement of the instrument if they broke/lost it at home.

I still don't pay anything now for the hire of the instrument, just for the lessons (but still have to sign the form at the start of each Schofield year saying I'lll stump up if he trashes the thing)


Busy @ the sticker. My best friend at school played the double bass, she chose it as her little sister played the cello and she wanted something bigger. Both were very musical and went to music school - you can imagine the size of car they needed when the girls were in their teens and had a double bass and cello and their clothes (most of us boarded) to bring to school

[pleasechange]

But if he's dead keen and getting it pretty cheap then what does it matter if it's dictatorial? If he didn't want to do it and they were insisting then I would see your point.

Be happy for him that he's keen and support him may be the best way forward

[MaMoTTaT]

flowery - viola isn't the butt of as many jokes as the organ

[ZZZenAgain]

if they are leanring in a small group, they will not be racing ahead. So I don't think the practice at home will be too challenging and he will need your help.

Maybe if you know how he is to hold the bow and violin, you could keep an eye on that (see youtube tons of videos) and gently correct if you feel up to that.

In the beginning they will be using open strings (no fingers holding down any strings). Then after a while they'll be practising a bit of fingering (1st position) but I don't think first year is going to be beyond you. Just be encouraging. I can imagine it will be a fun thing for him and a nice gentle pace. They cannot really push and push them in a group lesson (which is ok IMO who needs them pushed?)

[nickelbangBANGbang]

MMQC
your latest post tells you all you need to know.

If he wants to do it, the worst thing you can do for him is not let him.

I am the result of this very same problem. Ever since I can remember I wanted to play the violin. Being from a poorer family, I had to wait until the opportunity came up at school for it, which of course it didn't until I was in senior school.
My parents were never encouraging about anything I wanted to do musically, and I was basically banned from practising any music in the house. I was not allowed to learn the violin when at school.
I spent years hoping to be allowed to play the instrument and when I went to 6th form college I was finally given the chance! (actually, I made the decision myself based on the offer of council-funded lessons - i didn't tell my parents). And they never let me practise at home. I'm not saying they put a ban on it, but my dad made several cutting remarks about strangling cats and making a dreadful racket and "have you finished practising yet because I'm going deaf".

My point, as I'm sure you can probably work out, is that if your DS wants to learn, please don't stand in his way if you can afford it.

I spent many years feeling worthless and useless because I was written off as crap before I even started.

[Truffkin]

Just wanted to add to this as I asked to learn the violin at school when I was a similar age to your DS and my Dad said no for screech-related reasons! I did have a choice though so I did guitar instead. You might have a musically gifted son on your hands so why not let him have a go without having to shell out for his own instrument before knowing if he'll keep it up?

Hope it works out.

[nickelbangBANGbang]

(your last post being the one at 9:52, it took me a while to type all that!!)

[ZZZenAgain]

why are the violas the butt of jokes (honestly no idea)?

[nickelbangBANGbang]

"How is practising at home (I'm contemplating the shed as an option!) going to help if we can't support it?"

you don't need to support what he sounds like, you just have to make sure he is allowed to practise as much as he needs to (regardless of whether you can work out if it's right. he will correct himself in time)

and don't put him in the shed - see my long post to see why that would be extremely damaging to his long-term confidence.

[comtessa]

PS Even if he's not musically gifted, it's still great to be able to play an instument and can lead to other instruments. I started off on recorder, flute is now my main instrument but I can usually find my way around other wind instruments too. Violin is also a very portable instrument so better than, say, piano.

[comtessa]

ZZZenAgain No idea why violas are the butt of jokes, but they definitely are - I think only to violinists, though.

[QuoththeRaven]

im a clarinet player, and i want my ds to play an instrument.. anything but the violin. i have some prejudice about them i dont know why.
woodwind or brass, perfect.... strings nooooo

a joke that i know

what is the difference between rhinos and an orchestra?

rhinos have their horns at the front and their arseholes at the back.

(my orchestra conductor was a trumpet player )

but on a serious note, its great for kids to learn to play an instrument, they'll get so much more out of it than you can imagine.

[MMQC]

I wouldn't really put him in the shed!

I know you're all right and I'm reassured to some extent about the choice of instrument. But I'm still not looking forward to him practising?

I don't know what methods they are learning at school. I know they've been learning in class and done a lot of plucking so far. We've been invited in to witness a lesson but it's right in the middle of my working day and I don't think I'll be able to get to it. (But that's another gripe altogether).

I get the message though. Put up. Shut up. And enjoy it. (And hope he is more musical than I suspect!)

[mousymouse]

violas (or the players) are supposed to be slow and slurry. the weird of the bunch. but a great sounding instrument when played well. (this coming from a trumpet player :) )

[MaMoTTaT]

if it's any consolation at all not only do I have DS1 playing the violin (still very much Grade 1 level.........lots of disuprtion in RL meant little practice was done during YR3/4 - though he's coming on in leaps and bounds this term).....

DS2's school are offering recorder - and he's begged me to put his name down. I'm kind of hoping as it's "names out of a hat" that he won't get picked.

Although I did recorder to Grade 7 (cba with Grade 8 ) so could at least help him at home - violin and recorder - arghhh

[nickelbangBANGbang]

ZZZenAgain - i think there's a fair bit of joking banter between all the stringists - we used to laugh at the cellist and say they had "bloody big violins" and a spike that surely would kill them when they put it under their chin to play! and they used to do it back to us - putting the violin in the cello position and playing it like a giant playing a cello!
We only had one viola player in our college, and noone laughed at her because of it (although, she was SN, so it was probably more being nice than not having jokes about her insturment)