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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be scared of starting work?

13 replies

aristomache · 06/11/2010 10:04

Bit of background..

I'm a parent/carer of a young man with asd and learning difficulties, he's 18 now and at college so I decided I would start to look for work as he's out during the day and quite independent now.I also have a daughter aged 9 who has always had me at home to look after her.

I gave up my last job 6 years ago as my son was on a restricted timetable, childcare was a nightmare as no-one else "got him" like me, and he didn't want anyone else looking after him anyway. add to that time off for countless appointments, meetings etc it was just too much - and not financially viable.

So I haven't worked for 6 years,have carved out a happy little rut for myself and now that is all going to change - I start work on tuesday and even though this is what I've wanted and strived for for months I'm scared.

I signed off yesterday and it made me feel sick with worry

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 06/11/2010 10:08

Presumably you wouldn't have been offered the job if they didn't think you were up to the mark? When you walk in on Tuesday, remember, you're solving their problem for them.... you're like the AA man on the motorway swooping to the rescue :) Try to turn 'sick with worry' into 'excited about the future' and you won't go far wrong. Good luck. :)

AlpinePony · 06/11/2010 10:11

The first day will pass in such a blur you'll not know what's hit you, and, you're likely to come home thinking "good lord, what have I done?". But it will get better, I promise! :) As Chil says, they've hired you because they think you're brilliant - write that down on a piece of paper and put it in your purse/pocket. Every time you have a moment of doubt on Tuesday take out that piece of paper and take a look.

Probably best not to let your new colleagues hearing you repeat positive affirmations on your first day... Wink

ENormaSnob · 06/11/2010 10:14

Good luck!

"You will be fine. Remember that your interviewers obviously have faith in you.

Original poster
aristomache · 06/11/2010 10:23

Thank you!!

It's not so much first day nerves, it's more a case of - I wont be able to do this,I'm not capable, I wont be able to hold down a job long term after being a SAHM for so long, I wont be here to watch daughters assemblies, I'm going to be damaging her by not being here,I have a long way to travel every day by public transport, I'm a single parent and will have to do all the "other stuff" as well as working & how am I going to manage that.

I just don't feel like I'm up to the mark in so many ways

OP posts:
llareggub · 06/11/2010 10:28

With such competition for jobs at the moment, you must have shone at interview to get the job. Quite clearly others feel you are up to the job!

It isn't unusual for jobs to be daunting in the first few months. Don't be surprised if it takes at least 6 months to feel like you know what you are doing. This is NORMAL, and not a product of you not working for a few years. You'll need to do what the rest of us do and fake it for a while.

Good luck!

methsdrinker · 06/11/2010 10:31

No one is up to the mark, I remember my first day back after maternity leave and I was bricking it as I couldn't remember anything about my job. I deal with clauses and contracts and was sure I would be found within the hour.
But hey it all came back in two ticks and it was so much easier than juggling small children and life at the same time.
You will be ok, so will your daughter.

Hopefully if you have enough notice from the school you can book time for assemblies xmas stuff.
Go in late work late, that sort of thing. Pull in all those favours you did for other mums when they were struggling.
Don't forget you will be ok. Its just the first step thats the hardest.
Think what a great example you are giving your DD as well.
You got the job in an overcrowded market so you must be good for something.
Good luck

Original poster
aristomache · 06/11/2010 10:35

I know buggerall I've been turned down for so many jobs, you'd think I'd be over the moon to get one!!Grin

and it's a good job with great opportunities for the future too. But It's going to be hard work, and that's what I'm scared of - that it's going to be too hard for me to cope with I suppose.

I've been furiously googling "how to deal with self- doubt" but everything I've found is all a bit too americanised and mumbo-jumbo for me, if anybody knows of any good links feel free to share!!

wish I could just get over this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
aristomache · 06/11/2010 10:37

sorry x-posted with methsdrinker thanks for your input Smile

OP posts:
violethill · 06/11/2010 10:44

Your dd will no doubt be very proud of you for getting the job.

Don't worry about not getting to every single assembly/school pick up. Can you honestly remember from your own childhood whether your mum (or dad!) attended every school event? Would you feel scarred for life if they didn't?
TBH I think I would have been better off as a child if my mum had had more of a life outside the home.

You will be fine, you'll quickly get into the swing of it, and as others have pointed out, to secure a job these days after being out of the workplace for a number of years - wow! A lot of people would kill for what you've got. I get on average a letter a week from people desperate to even come and volunteer where I work,because they've been out of the workplace and need some experience to get back in - so well done, you really will be fine

Original poster
aristomache · 06/11/2010 10:53

Thank you all, I just needed to get the inner doubt off my chest I think!!

OP posts:
BaggyCoconut · 06/11/2010 12:23

aristomache -

I really get what you are feeling!

I am starting work on tuesday too!

I have been at home for the last 7 years. I have a DD with ASD. Her father is going to be the stay at home carer. Something new we have never tried.

I am in such shock to have been given an interview, let alone offered the job! In a logical way I am sure I can the job fine, but I can't help but think I will mess it uop completely. The job is not exacty high up, but so much training and advancement seems to be available within the company its a great oppotunity!

I am looking forard to starting though.

Is it just you starting on Tuesday? They were filling a few positions in my job, and I am hoping there is another person starting too, so at least I will not be the only newbie Grin

tummysgottogo · 06/11/2010 13:36

Of course you feel nervous - that's only natural. But like the others said remember that they thought you were good enough to employ and invest in. You'll be fine but give yourself some time to settle in before you think you need to show how amazing you really are Wink

Congratulations, both on the care you've given over the past 6 years and now getting a job!!

Original poster
aristomache · 07/11/2010 04:51

Baggy I had to check your profile as it sounded like you were starting work at the same place as me on tuesdday lol!! ( you're not btw, we live at opposite ends of the country)

Yes there are other people starting at the same time as me, but tbh it's not really first day nerves that's getting to me - it's actually the longterm that's worrying me!!

Just want to thank everyone for all your kind words and congratulations

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