when DH calls me unreliable.

[wisteriawoman]

Yesterday .I was visiting my dad in hospital when DH phoned asking me to take a friend's kids to a firework party with our DD - I agreed. I got back home later than expected - to find (to my horror) that DH had gone out and our friend's two kids were waiting on the doorstep for me.

I was sooooo angry with DH for not being at home.
Then, I went into a complete meltdown and in the ensuing chaos of trying to get DD ready for party I lost my handbag, keys, and my cool! . Then the traffic was atrocious and I turned the air blue with my swearing.

I now feel such a plonker for loosing it....but DH says it's all my fault for coming home late from the hospital. Hmm surely he shouldn't have gone out without telling me. ??

I have no idea.

What did you actually agree?

YADNBU! I can't belive he would leave the house knowing 2 children were turning up and not knowing if you'd be back in time! How old were they? At this time of year leaving 2 kids waiting in the dark is just unacceptable! I would totally lose it to!

YANBU, but why were the children waiting on the doorstep?
Who dumped them there, why didn't they go home and ask what to do?

Yes I did lose it - hence why I went into meltdown.
It was only 5.30pm when the kids were waiting and it is a main road and they are 11 and they were round the corner from their home. So it wasn't too bad.

5 minutes

Where did he go? Was it pre-plannned? How long before the kids turned up did he go out?

and where was your daughter?

OK, you were 5 minutes late at 5.30 in the evening for a couple of 11 year olds, who lived around the corner from you.

So now I have more information, I think you are over-reacting a bit.
I was imagining a couple of 6 year olds, much later in the evening and you being an hour late.

Perhaps the problem is you are too reliable.

Where was your DH going? Was it something urgent/with a deadline that you knew about?

Yanbu, he is.

yep, it's your fault ultimatley

however conributing factors are

no communication about this between you and your dh

the kids waiting at the door step instead of the mother ringing before she sent them round.

The fact that you were visiting your Dad in hospital trumps all as far as I was concerned.

It's not something you were doing for fun, like going to the pub, and you can't be expected to leave at a prescribed time in case the person you are visiting wants to talk a bit longer or needs your help.

Your DH should have hung about in case you were detained at the hospital.

< gavel >

By "pre-planned" I mean did you know before you went to the hospital that he was going out? (but expected him to wait until you got back).

oohh that's the first time I've been picked up on for my grammar/spelling!

Think I must have been living abroad for too long!

yanbu. you were at hospital, you were 5 minutes late, he knew tehre were dcs coming round, he should have called you at 5.30 to see when you would be back and he should have waited til you were. he is BU.

Where was your daughter?

Why didn't he wait till you got home?

But really, two 11 year olds waiting 5 minutes at 5.30 is a non-issue (unless you live somewhere completely dire I guess).

Hope your Dad is feeling better soon...

You are both over-reacting. It is not a big deal for two 11 year olds to wait 5 minutes at 5.30, even if it is dark now.

It sounds a little as if you need to work on dealing with anxiety/stress - there's really no need to have a meltdown because you were 5 minutes late. It's only 5 minutes. If they were not old enough to wait 5 minutes they would not be old enough to walk round on their own in the first place.

Have I misunderstood? You seem to be suggesting that your DH should not leave the house if at some point later in the day (when he thinks someone else will be home) some kids who are 11 and live round the corner will be turning up?

Your DH sounds a bit thoughtless pushing it back onto your hospital visit. I don't really see why there's any blame to go around here at all.

It would have been a bit more polite for someone to have been in when they turned up, but there was no harm. You were doing them a favour by taking them to the party. I'm sure, on balance, they thought it was a good deal for them - and hearing adults turn the air blue when you're 11 can be an added bonus.

Is it possible you're actually a bit stressed about your dad being in hospital? I hope he's feeling better soon.

DH was having a drink with our friend - mother of the kids I was taking to school fireworks. He phoned me at the hospital where I was visiting my dad with my daughter- asked if I'd mind taking the kids, I said no problems I'd be home by x o'clock. BUT I didn't know he was at the friends house - I thought DH was at home so it wouldn't matter if I wasn't on time. I got detained at hospital talking to my dad's nurse and not realising DH wasn't at home I didn't see any reason to rush.
Anyways when I got home - late - I discover kids waiting for me and DH out. Net result = Meltdown.

The end of the story is....
Get to fireworks late. Get wet waiting for firework display to start - DD gets scared with the bangs so we come home after a few whizz bangs! Tell friend to collect own kid!All in all a total waste of time and stress.

Seriously - on reflection I've learned that I try to help everyone to my detriment and really I should have said "no" to giving a lift to the friend's kids. Perhaps I should put myslef first!

So your husband is in her house, drinking with her, while her kids sit on your doorstep waiting for you to turn up - then you meltdown... then later on you leave the kids at the fireworks and tell the Mum to pick her own kids up and that's fine??

I'm well confused about your problem here...

However, will put it down to being stressed about your Dad. I hope he's on the mend x

yes put yourself first for once which is why you had a meltdown! and no he shouldn't have left the two kids alone on the doorstep he should have taken them with him