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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be thinking of complaining about this man?

36 replies

Thruaglassdarkly · 06/11/2010 00:54

Ok, was at the toddler group at my gym yesterday. There's a young guy working there with Downs. He sees us regularly at the weekly family fun nights there on Thursday evenings. As I was paying for the toddler session, he asks me if we're coming to the fun night that evening. No, I say. Why? he wants to know. Because my oldest daughter (who he knows) was tired and had been throwing a couple of tantrums this week. I felt she needed an earlier night. Oh, he says, how old is she? Six, I reply (so far, so good, just a general chitchat at this point). At which point an older guy, who also works at the gym, in his 50s, laughs lecherously and tells the younger guy, Too young for you then! The lad with Downs laughs uncertainly. He's just making conversation and I don't think he knows what to do with this comment. Lechy guy in his 50s follows it up with another derisive snort and the comment that he (the lad with Downs) goes after anything in a skirt. I felt uncomfortable at this point. But he then told the lad with Downs (who looked confused by the way the conversation had shifted), she'd be no good for him then.

I grimaced and walked off, slightly taken aback by the older guys comments. Now I wonder whether I should mention it to the gym manager next time I'm there. Not to make a serious complaint, but so that he could just have a word with this guy. Firstly, I felt his comments were inappropriate about a 6 year old girl. Secondly, I think he was disrespectful towards the lad with Downs. My husband was outraged by the whole thing.

I don't want to over-react here, but I think the older guy needs to be told to grow up and not talk so inappropriately about little kids or exploit someone with a disability for his own amusement. On both grounds it just seems so wrong.

So would you say anything to the manager or simply dismiss him a pathetic twat and just get on with the million and one other things in life there is to get on with?

OP posts:
cumfy · 06/11/2010 11:04

Rather than just looking out for their own, and to hell with the rest.Confused

Clearly OP can leave and complain.

Just as one can step out of the way of a vehicle driving dangerously, and subsequently report it [rather than stand there complainingWink]

Rindercella · 06/11/2010 11:05

Thank you Goblin for saying what I meant Smile

Also cumfy, my DDs' welfare would never be in danger as I would never leave them alone with someone I didn't know/trust.

cumfy · 06/11/2010 11:06

And it is the getting out of the way bit which is the more urgent and least advocated action.

Hence my post.

Goblinchild · 06/11/2010 11:09

've got a son with Asperger's, I'd hate to think of him being mislead and taught that inappropriate comments were acceptable by some vile person that he was working with.
I'd hope that he'd see it being challenged and crushed.
So OP, I'm sorry that this happened, but I was impressed that you considered the young guy with Downs as worthy of your concern. A lot of other mothers wouldn't have had that level of awareness.

BaggyCoconut · 06/11/2010 11:13

I would definately complain.

The older man does not seem to have any idea about what is appropriate behaviour. His boss needs to be aware of him acting like this. I am pretty sure he wouldn't have said those comments if someone superiour to him had been present. His employers will be none the wiser to his innappropriate ways unless they are told!

He should not have been saying those things about a child, or in that setting.

As for bringing the lad with Downs into, its unacceptable. The older man basically made a very nasty slur of his character, all be it disguised as a "joke". No wonder the poor lad didn't know what to say or do.

The older man cannot act like this towards people using the service, or the other employees. I would hate for this to continue and the poor lad start having rumours spread about him. From your OP he seemed nice, and genuinely friendly. Shame the older man acted like this, and I hope it has not undermined the lads confidence in his job.

LilQueenie · 06/11/2010 18:46

Id be wanting the older guy kicked out of there and be telling everyone I knew what he was like for good measure.

hairytriangle · 06/11/2010 19:16

I would make a serious complaint in writing.

The insinuation of sexuality involving a small child is vile, and I really feel for the poor man with Down Syndrome as well :(

MsKalo · 06/11/2010 20:53

Please please complain - what a disgusting thong to say. What does he do there? How worrying and how inappropriate

RevoltingPeasant · 06/11/2010 21:52

Complain, deffo.

Another point nobody has raised (I think) is that the young lad himself may become socialied to believe that is appropriate chat or joke material and will repeat this kind of thing as a 'joke' innocently to someone.

When I was at school some older bullies used to collar this kid with DS, 'befriend' him, and then coach him to do really inappropriate things, like trying to kiss or make sexual comments to girls, purely to get him in trouble. Not saying that is nec going on here, but sounds like that older guy has a weird sense of humour...

Also incredibly unprofessional and disrespectful to YOU about your DD!!! I woul be Angry if someone said that about a family member of mine in front of me.

Thruaglassdarkly · 09/11/2010 00:05

Just to clarify. The pervy guy was loitering about the general gym reception area and was nothing to do with the actual toddler group itself. Had that been the case, I'd have walked out and never come back.
However, he was a centre employee, although I'm not sure from which area.
Thank you so much for your opinions ladies. It was totally in my mind to say something, but I didn't want to be nit picky, which is why I asked your good general opinion about this. I shall say something either tomorrow or Wednesday and to the manager of the centre at that.

OP posts:
Kitta · 09/11/2010 00:11

Please let us know how it goes.
And good on you for doing it.

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