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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

getting upset a threat to end life eventually.

12 replies

BeNimble · 05/11/2010 14:31

i have been talking with someone who matters very much to me today, about their plans for their future.
aged mid 60s, has recently recovered from 'C' and is active again physically working with pressures of the family business. family won't talk or face facts that money is tight and work is getting harder.
answer i got when i asked gently what will you do when you can't just carry on..... "take a lot of paracetamol".
to me this means they have a plan and i don't need to ask again. should i be able to handle this?

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 05/11/2010 14:37

Well you did put the person on the spot with that question. Sounds more to me as though they don't have a plan, to be honest, and that they are very pessimistic about their future if they are contemplating suicide. Important to be a supportive friend in that situation... if they are depressed due to circumstances they may need medical help.

Original poster

BeNimble · 05/11/2010 14:43

i realise this is a sensative issue. i'm posting because my brain is churning round and round so i need to get my head round the comment. i thought another opinion or 2 might help me see if differently. i have no intention of telling any one in real-life as that's not fair on my friend who said it so here seemed a good option. sorry for being a drama queen! tia

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/11/2010 14:46

I don't think you're being a drama queen, it is an odd and pretty alarming thing to say.

I can only think that if they didn't mean it seriously that they were 'joking' the way you do sometimes with a tight lipped smile?

How did you react to it? Did you ask them anything further about saying it?

curlymama · 05/11/2010 14:46

Have a look on the Samaritans website and see what it says. There is a section about what to do if you are worried about someone, and lots of other useful stuff.

It is ok for you to not feel ok with this.

BonniePrinceBilly · 05/11/2010 14:46

I think you would be better off in another section other than the bear-pit of AIBU, its a sensitive topic. Try mental health, relationships, money matter...even chat, but not here.

thisisyesterday · 05/11/2010 14:49

well surely s/he will retire soon?

i don't really understand tbh. they've recovered from cancer yes? active again and working?

i am not sure why you would ask them what they'll do when they can't carry on.... carry on in what way?

maybe they genuinely meant, take a lot of paracetamol. as in, if i am in pain i will just take paracetamol, and carry on working
perhaps it was said tongue in cheek

WhyIsThatThen · 05/11/2010 14:49

IMO, people who commit suicide don't talk about it or openly think about it. A threat of suicide is a cry for help. I think this person needs to have a meeting with the members of family that are involved in the business, they all need to face facts and make a positive action plan. Business Link is fabulous for helping small businesses, their website:www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/home

It is a worry when friends are feeling dark but with your help (and you can help no end) she/he will be much better.

Chil1234 · 05/11/2010 14:50

I don't think you're being a drama queen but if you have a friend that thinks life is no longer worth living - or isn't going to be in the future - then I don't think keeping quiet and assuming they've made their mind up is all that great a strategy. For you, apart from anything else. They may or may not have been completely serious when they answered you, of course.

You may be able to judge if they're genuinely depressed or simply down about their circumstances and soldiering on. If you think they're depressed then suggest talking to a doctor, for example. Otherwise as a friend you can be supportive, give them reasons to keep going, cheer them up, listen, assist with the business... even intervene perhaps with the famiy that won't face facts.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 05/11/2010 14:55

I'm a bit confused tbh, have been working night shifts though so a bit slow on the uptake today.

However, if you ask someone what will they do if they just can't carry on anymore, that's a very leading question isn't it?

If you have reason to be concerned about their mental health you should speak to someone though.

scurryfunge · 05/11/2010 14:56

On reading your post I took their comment to mean that they would take more paracetamol if they were in too much pain, much as TIY says.

WITT -it is a bit of a myth that those who are serious about suicide don't talk about it, they do.

Original poster

BeNimble · 05/11/2010 15:13

this person frets about any kind of pain killer even for headache so it wasn't going to be a solution to combat pain and keep going.

i am concerned about their plans and care extremely about how they will get along in later life. most people plan to retire or take it easy, this person has no plan and isn't making provision to do so.

she does expect me to care though this answer maybe means back off..... i need to decide if to respect the comment or take it further with them or involve someone else (not telling them what was said though).

this seems garbled but it is helping reading your comments.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 05/11/2010 15:17

I think you have to make them aware that there is support available -from yourself and also agencies.

To be forced to plan for a future makes mortality too apparent and it might just be too painful to organise but that doesn't necessarily mean they are not planning on not being there.

I'm garbling now

Flip