To think the nurses shouldn't keep telling my uncle that my dying grandma is sitting up in bed and eating?

[deaconblue]

My grandma is 88 and has been in hospital with a chest infection. My mum and 2 brothers were told yesterday she probably only has 48 hours to live. My other uncle lives further away and has been ringing to check on her. Yesterday he was told her SATS were much improved (they are significantly worse) and this morning he was told she was sitting up in bed, having eaten a good breakfast (not true, she can't sit up and hasn't eaten for 4 days)
If staff do not know the answer to a relative's question why on earth do they not go and find out an accurate answer? He had decided not to make the 2 hour trip today because of what he was told this morning and now may not make it before she dies.

so sorry :(
no yanbu - how bizarre!

YANBU - can't understand why they think this is OK? So sorry about your grandma.

Is he not believing his brothers and sister now then?
He should perhaps ring again and say he has been told otherwise by his family and how is she really?

YANBU, and it's very odd-agree that they may have mixed her up with someone else, surely they wouldn't knowingly do this?

Must be a mix-up!

I can't imagine any nurse puposefully lying about this.

He doesn't speak to his brothers and sister so I have been ringing him daily with updates. As soon as he heard from me this morning he got in the car but I am really shocked that they made this kind of mistake 2 days running with someone who could die soon. I think we shall complain once it is all over.

I suspect they just didn't know and didn't have time to check her notes but I still think it's out of order

Are there 2 patients with the same name?

That's the only explanation I can think of; that's really poor.

Sorry to hear about your grandma

Happens regularly on geriatric wards in hospitals. Lives are treated rather casually as the nurses see people die every day. A dear friend died in this way, and my mother too.

Sorry to hear of this stress.

I think you should phone the ward again and ask what is happening.

It is possible that she is better, especially if they are treating her with antibiotics and other medication.

Unfortunately with my own grandmother, we knew she was dying, then my mum rang me to say that she had suddenly improved. She had improved but only for a day or so before she died.

Firstly, I am very sorry your grandmother is so ill. I really am.

However, if your family could sort out their differences and nominate one person to ring the hospital, and pass the news around, then perhaps the nurses would have more time to look after the patients.

agree entirely on the family problems, it is a ridiculous fall out over something petty but my mum apologised several times when they fell out 3 years ago and he won't accept her apology and has stopped speaking to his brothers because they were unwilling to take sides. Very annoying.

YADNBU

I'm sorry- that was a very harsh post I made. And besides, it's not your fault what your uncle does.

A friend of mine recently was told his mother was dying and drove to the hospital only to find out that she had already died when they phoned him but they didn't want to say so over the phone.

Maybe it's not the best way to hear news like that but he could have had an accident driving there in a state thinking he could get there in time to say goodbye.

Not the same but shows that they don't worry about lying to relatives.

yes the same thing happened with my mother.

From what I'm aware they don't tell relatives over the phone that someone had just died. They usually tell you to come in and then tell you, think it could be harder driving etc if you know the person is already dead.

to the op yanbu
the nurses should only be giving out true facts about patients
may be worth mentioning to ward sister
it does help if you ask the name of the nurse you are talking to-makes them accountable for the crap they are syaing
could you tell the ward that you will be the one cascading info to other relatives to avoid confusion?

sorry your grandma is dying

Legally you aren't dead until it has been certified by an appropriate person. As a student nurse we were always told that you shouldn?t tell a relative over the phone unless they asked outright and then to check that they had someone with them, just in case the shock/ sorrow caused them to keel over.
And of course you are very constrained by the laws surrounding confidentiality as to what you can and can?t say on the phone. And if a patient has nominated a person to speak for them you do have to follow what they ask i.e.: don?t tell BIL that I?m having an op/ scan whatever. I used to have to do a lot of I?m sorry I can?t answer that question, you?ll have to ask your whoever.

To the OP I am very sorry that that your grandmother is ill.

Sorry to hear that, do let the ward sister know.

On my ward family members are constantly ringing. There are always multiple friends and family members ringing for the same patients. Add that to the fact that we are forced to take on more patients than we can keep track of on top of having to run to the phone every five minutes. Things get pretty hairy.

It takes ages to track down the nurse caring for that patient and then walk back to the phone, right past patients shouting for help. Not a good thing when you are trying to organise a transfer to ICU for your critical patient. I might tell you what I know about your grandad (my colleague's patients) but what I know may have changed signifigantly in the past 2 hours as I have had the patients on the other side of the ward.

Many of the staff on the wards are hca's rather than nurses. The hca's really do not understand what is going on with the patients but they will often try to help us Nurses field phone calls so that we can actually get 5 minutes uninterrupted to implement crucial and life saving doctors orders.

It is illegal for Nurses and health care assistants to give out any information over the phone anyway. But they do it because families get so abusive. They try to give accurate information out but they really don't have time to read the notes.

Once I came on duty after 3 weeks off to find that I was the lone nurse for 19 patients with 2 health care assistants. Five minutes into my shift I was getting inudated with multiple relatives of these people phoning and or asking questions in person. I could barely even get to the patients let alone know what was happening with them. I nearly missed a massive post op complication in a patient because of it.

It sounds to me like whomever answered the phone just got mixed up with another patient. When you walk onto a ward to take over the care of 20 patients it can be very difficult. Many look very similiar and you just cannot take the time to know everyone you are responsible for....

Sorry about your Grandma.

GGirl you are right about the Nurse's not being allowed to say anything about a patient over the phone, but my god the families get so abusive and longwinded and paranoid when you don't. They take it as an insult rather than understanding that it is law.

What law is that?

No we try to call when we realise that the end is imminent but if they do pass suddenly we will try not to tell you over the phone. Unless we have to. If the next of kin is far away for example we don't have a choice.

The thing is that relatives who want to get told over the phone will get angry with the Nurses if they don't tell them.

The relatives who don't want to get told over the phone will get angry at the Nurses if we do. And we don't know you from squat. It is a tough situation to be in.