to have a word with my mum about my siblings hygenie

[lojolecs]

I had my brother (8) and sister(10) to stay tonight and when I picked them up frankly they both stunk. The first thing I did when we got home was get them both to have a bath. At tea I asked them when was the last time they'd had a bath/shower and they said last Friday. They said that mum says she doesn't care anymore (they did resist my request to have a bath, my brother only agreed when I threatened to scrub him myself). Should I have a word about this or would I come across as lecturing her as I've got a 5mo ds.

Tricky, but I think the children should come first here. What kind of relationship do you have with your mum?

I have a pretty good relationship with my mum.

Poor things - I would definitely speak to your mum and find out why she no longer baths them. They don't want to become known as the stinky kids at school. And kids that age are hardly likely to volunteer to wash themselves.

I think you have to say something. You shouldn't have to, because ideally there wouldn't be an issue to raise here, but obviously there is. Children can be brutal to others when there are any differences, and those who are earmarked at the smelly kids will certainly get teased. I think your siblings welfare needs to be the priority so you should have a chat with your mum. You need to find a way to make the conversation as lighthearted as possible, so as not to get your mum on the defensive, but something much be said.

Your brother and sister are lucky to have a big sister like you. :)

You sound like a fab big sister. Definitely bring it up with your mum.

Is there anything going on in her life at the moment that would explain it?

8 to 11 year olds can be very averse to washing and to any kind of parental instruction regarding washing, as you yourself have seen. Apparently many do not care at all that they smell. It can be absolutely soul destroying to have to fight day after day to get them to wash, and they are getting a bit old to be washed by mum.

This is not about the children being neglected, it's probably your mum hoping someone will shame them into taking responsibility for their own hygiene. Maybe she could use a bit of help, but a really determined 8 to 10 year old is too big to be lifted bodily into the tub and kept there, and they get really caught up in what they're doing, not to mention warm and cosy in their clothes and don't want to peel them all off and get wet and cold -- they are very shortsighted at this age. The future benefit of being clean and smelling good does not outweigh the discomfort of actually getting clean and then drying off.

Age 9-10 is probably the worst. The DCs had a teacher around that age who gave a lecture at the beginning of the year about personal hygiene and telling them that she expected them to come to school showered and having used deodorant. I love that teacher.

I would say something. I'd hate any of children to be the "smelly kid" at school It's one of those things I would be inflexible about, no matter how much they dislike it- much like brushing their teeth or doing their homework! Surely nagging is a way of life for mums (or is that just me?)

You could ask her if she wants you to have a personal hygiene talk with your siblings for her.
Something along the lines of 'I know they're at a bath-adverse age can I help?' style chat.
That way you're not judging her parenting, but offering to help.

mathanxiety I think you're right. You can only nag so much.

These children are old enough to take responsibility for their own personal hygiene and maybe their mum is trying to teach them a lesson.