to react in this way?

[drfayray]

First a bit of background. I am an Indian (from Singapore) who is living in Brisbane. I am 48 and feeling menopausal (this might have some bearing on my reaction )

I was in the local shopping centre with DD12 and as we were walking to the escalators, one of the workers of a charity accosted us.

Now in this centre, you have to walk right round to get to the escalators and often there are stands for various charities like the Red Cross, or even Fitness clubs etc. I am polite, always saying, "No,thank you." Now this eejit continued to follow me and said, "Show me some skin, Sista". I found this very offensive and turned and gave him my DeathStare (very effective as used to be English high school teacher in tough school).

As I went up the escalator, I looked down and he said, "What, why was that wrong?" I replied, " I found it inappropriate!" Lots of people around, DD12 dying a slow death of embarrassment next to me.

We get to the third floor and as we are walking I hear this puffing and panting behind me. Eejit has followed me and is very apologetic. Said he did not realise that he should not have spoken to me like that. I said that I was old enough to be his mother, am not his "Sista" and if he wants people to donate, this is not the way to go about it. He looked like he was going to cry. (DeathStare very effective as I am sure past pupils will recall). I said I accepted his apology and shook his hand to show no hard feelings (although this is a LIE as was still seething inside!)

I do not know why I was so cross by this. Is it because I am Indian not Afro-Caribbean? Is it because I loathe being accosted by people trying to sell me stuff I do not want and do not appreciate what no thank you means? Is it because I am now a grumpy old woman and should start wearing red hats? I have a purple cardigan already so halfway there. (Ref to poem by Jenny Jones for those who think I am wittering on )

So AIBU to react in this way?

I meant Jenny Joseph's poem "Warning" Oopsadaisy.

YANBU. I can't put my finger on what bothers me most about this scenario either....perhaps it's the combination of the words and the harrassment!

I'm always stopped by charity workers and while I appreciate they have to do their jobs, it just annoys me how they will seize on aspects of your person just to find a way to 'bond' with you.

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells and run my stick along the public railings and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit.

Could it be, that as a grown woman, you don't wish and nor do you expect, some jumped up little twit speaking to you in this disrespectful way and when you say "No thank you" you actually mean "NO THANK YOU" and you don't then expect to be wittered at by a twit?

I see your purple cardigan and I raise you my purple hair and purple t-shirt.

YANBU but I'm glad he apologised and felt mortified by his mistake. He'd probably tried it on a few other people and having got a giggle response decided it was the way to go with everyone. Not wise at all. But he's learned that now. You handled it politely, death stare and all.

YANBU!

He saw that you were non-white and decided to demonstrate his 'keeping it real' credentials to prove his total commitment to diversity and cultural sensitivity that he learnt on his gap year teaching Africans to suck eggs blah blah blah...

You saw that he was in fact, a patronizing little prick.

Nice one....sista!

It bothered you because it was racist (IMO). He thought it was OK to try & talk 'black'. Nice that he made such an effort to apologise though.

YANBU!

YANBU I would love to be able to do a death stare. I can think of many people it would come in handy for.

op - am I right in thinking that he was not white himself?

I ask because my husband is from kenya and someone who worked for us was from the congo and used to pull all that 'brother' shit.

different country, different culture, different language. All this guy saw was they had roughly the same skin colour.

Thanks for the replies. He was a white young man who now knows to accept that no thank you means just that. I am going to wear more purple too!

I'm already wearing purple but I definitely need to work on my deathstare!

Your scenario sound a little like a comedy sketch! Your "deathstare" sounds V scary, and I am sure you have given this hapless chugger some food for thought!

YANBU by the way - I do think tolerance levels drop as you hit mid 40's (I am a grumpy 46).

Your DD will respect you for your actions when her acute embarrassment has died down!