to think that I should have spent the money I was given as it was intended to be spent?

[floodsofbeers]

My parents gave me a substantial amount of money earlier this year with which to totally renovate our house as it was pretty dilapidated - ahead of the arrival of DC (GC1 for all concerned).

Now that I am on mat leave and SMP, a casual aside to PIL by DH that we were feeling the pinch a little provoked the following reaction from MIL: "Well we can't help you out - you should have used the money that flood's parents gave you to live on this year and not done the work on the house."

We certainly weren't asking for help, just mentioning that things were going to be a bit different in the months before I go back to work and we were having to watch our usual spending patterns.

My parents definitely did not give me that money as a replacement salary - it was intended to be used to create a safe and pleasant home for DC and us. I know they would not have been very pleased if we had done what MIL suggested, and it's not as though we actually are that hard up - we just have to be a bit circumspect for a few months is all.

AIBU to have done as my parents wanted, or does MIL have a point?

YANBU - sounds like your MIL is either jealous of the money or is feeling a bit inadequate that she can't afford to give you chunks of money.

YANBU. If you had done as your MIL suggested, you would have still had the work to do on the house. As it is, you have to economise on your living expenses but you can do it in the comfort of a safe, sound home.

I agree that it sounds as though there is something behind her comment.

ihearth has it spot on, MIL has had her nose put out of joint and is maybe a bit/lot jealous or feels ashamed they cant do the same as your parents

You did the right thing by spending the money as it was intended.

Ignore Mil's comment, says more about her...

Hope you manage to make ends meet and have fun at home with DC

I'm going to disagree. I think that when you have money that was intended for one purpose, but your circumstances change, then you have to reassess the situation and look again at your priorities. Now it may be that you feel you can manage, and the refurbishment was still your top priority, and that's fine, that's your assessment.

I just don't think that spending the money how it was intended to be spent, is always going to be the right thing.

eg - £5,000 put away for a holiday - roof collapses
£2,000 put away for a new wardrobe, car breaks down.
£10,000 for refurbishment - one of you gets made redundant.

See what I mean?

But like you say, you can manage, you just need to tighten your belts. And that's a decision you've made based on what you think is the best way forward for your family.

And so your mil should keep her gob shut

None of your MIL's business, ignore her.

Even if your MIL did have a point (which she doesn't) what does it have to do with her? She should learn to keep her opinions to herself, or you should learn to ignore her.

MIL has a point in a roundabout way (Hecate sums up above why I think that way), but it was not her place to say what she did.

Oops, bolding didn't work!

We have this up to a point. My parents pay for loads of things for us. My dad paid for our house to be renovated this year, plus new sofas and a big holiday. We are unimaginably grateful for this btw, without my dad we'd have nothing like the life we lead. But generally we're pretty skint. DH mentioned this in passing, absolutely not hinting or asking for help and his mother made a comment about the amount of money we squander. We never had the money, it never passed through our hands so wasn't our choice how to spend it and my dad is adamant that he doesn't want people knowing how much he does for us. So PIL think we're squandering every penny and I can't really put her right.

It is none of her business but it still hurts when she says it.

Perhaps she feels that you have already had a lot of financial help with the baby (the money may have been for the house but probably speeded up due the baby being due and your parents didnt want the baby in a messy house)and that you were hinting for more by moaning things were tight?

YANBU. Absolutely not up to MIL to dictate how the money your parents gave you was spent. She can't really even do that with any money she chooses to give you - if she does.

Ahh Hecate, very good point well made. My mum and dad didn't want us to use our savings to do up the house (as it needed done in a rush due to baby's arrival) so our rainy day fund is still intact for just the sorts of situations you mentioned :)

I don't think DH's aside was in any way intended to imply that he was asking for money as we know PIL don't have it to give. (Well, they do, but that's another thread in itself! )

Hecate, I would agree if the OP had saved the money themselves and needed to change priorities but it was GIVEN to them for a specific purpose.

YANBU. I disagree with some of the others, actually. If you are given a lump sum of money to spend on eg home improvements, I would spend it on just that, otherwise it gets frittered away and you may never be in the position to have that "lump" sum again! (my experience!)

Better to spend it on something substantial- you can manage the day to day expenses more easily than you would save that money again, IMO

I think perhaps you are bu in keeping the money for a specific thing, but only because we are in similar circumstances now. We were given some money a year ago to go towards something needed, or more like wanted. Then things became a little uncertain on the job front, and we kept the money in our account - we did tell the giver what we were doing and they were happy with it. Six months later, and dh lost his job, as feared, and now we have more of a safety net for mortgage payments, and this helps me sleep at night for a while.

YANBU regarding your mother in law's view!

Floods-you did the right thing. PIL's would of course want their D(1st)GC to go home to a dilapidated house wouldn't they? .

It is cheaper to live in a good house than a dilapidated house. It is so much happier and healthier. You don't feel grumpy and annoyed and cluttered and cheer yourself up with magazines and take aways and keeping the rating and hot water on too much and buying extra bits, silly things that make a house feel nicer instead of being nicer. You can sit in your good house and cook cheap meals in a nice kitchen and watch tell and not want to go out.

newwave, it doesn't apply as op is not in that bad a situation, but if my parents had given me a sum of money for something and then my roof collapsed, or i got the sack and was looking at not feeding the kids or something, then it would be ridiculous to say ah well, we're not going to eat / have a roof because those thousands in the bank were given to us for our extension.

Now I stress again that I understand the op is not in dire straits but my point was a general one about the importance of always reassessing based on changed circumstances. You cannot (ever!) say that you will never consider using a sum of money for something other than its intended purpose.

Whether you saved it or it was given to you.

flood I can understand why MIL feels you are splurging on unnecessary things.

You need to let her know that your dad is financing your living standards.

My cousin is always boasting on facebook that they have just put in a new pool, DCs moved to private schools, holidays galore.

He forgets to mention that his parents finance the majority of it.

My sister (bless her heart) is far more well off than I am and quite often makes large purchases for my DC.

I have asked her in a nice way not to do this amy more because to tell you the ruth I am starting to feel a bit like a charity case and it's not a nice feeling.

any more, truth