T o think its odd dh has never taken ds out on his own.

[CountryDweller]

Not once has dh taken ds out on his own, not even around the village where we live.
If I take ds to feed the ducks or for a stroll, then now and again he'll come with us, but on his own, never
The nearest he came to it is when ds was tiny and he took his 14 year old son with him and strolled round the village, though by the look on his face when I said I wasn't coming with them was priceless.
It's not like he's a novice he has 2 sons from his first marriage.
AIBU to think that as ds's father he should take him out now and again to have father and son time.

By the way ds is now almost 26 months old.

Well yes he should spend time with his son - how old is your DS now (sounds like a toddler)?

How do they get on together at home - does your DH spend any time with him there (with you around)?

You mention a much older son - that sounds like part of the equation, does this son live with you? does he get to spend time with his dad? how do the two boys interact?

Have you raised the question with your DH? Bear in mind that quality father and son time could be something different from feeding the ducks or other activities you do.

Suggest you start with little 5-minute sessions rather than panicking your DH that he has to spend 2-3 hours on his own with DS (you'll work up to that ).

So for example my DS loves standing on a little stool by the sink and splashing with the water while DH is shaving or - big treat - getting some shaving foam on his cheeks. Or ask DH and DS to lay the breakfast table together in the morning. Then at weekends they can go get the paper together. Lots of it is just the chance to hang out with his dad, they don't necessarily need to do special kiddy activities.

Culture, yes ds is a toddler and dh does spend time with him, but I'm always around.
He reads him his story before bed most nights
and lets him go with him when he's doing outside jobs,
But he doesn't seem confident enough to take him out on his own, even though he has 2 grown up sons from his first marriage. I do know his ex is a control freak so maybe he thinks he can't do it IYKWIM.
Its so frustrating though as ds seems to enjoy his time with hs.
16 year old step-son moved in with us 6 months ago because he's mother didn't want him, and shares a room with ds.
Its frustrating because a I said ds loves being with his daddy but never gets to be with him on his own.

Please excuse grammer and spelling, its late

Maybe he thinks he isn't supposed to, if ex was rather controlling that is.

Have you tried saying, will you please take ds out for a bit, I could really do with some peace and quiet. That usually works for me =)

He probably just needs to do it a couple of times to boost his confidence and realise that he can do it.

You say his ex is a control freak and maybe this is why he doesn't believe he can do it, but tbh 26 months is an awfully long time for you never to have pushed the issue and encouraged or insisted on your husband taking his son out. Especially given that you believe that it is important.

Your DH sounds like he doesn't think much of his parenting skills, as opposed to just being lazy (which was my assumption from your thread title)

Maybe he just needs to be told that he can cope? Is he scared of something particular happening like DS running off? Maybe something happened with one of his older sons that's really affected him? My DH wouldn't take his kids swimming for years after his oldest nearly drowned.

If I want DH to take the DC out I really have to spell it out. I have to say something like "I need to do x, y & z and I can't do it with you lot around, can you take them out for an hour please?.

I pretty much leave it upto him where he takes them, but do usually make sure he takes a drink and a nappy, when they still needed them.

He needs support as he lacks confidence.

They definitely need some "bonding" time, it is good for them both.
I remember when our DD was small, DH was working long night shifts and hardly saw her, I worked Saturdays, so that was their day together and it kept that bond. They would roam around town, go to a cafe for lunch and hit the picknmix in woolies before going home/to grandparents etc. It was lovely for both of them.

Just bgger off out one day...for half an hour or so! Say you're nipping to the shops and then run off! I do this as my DH will trail after me if I'm not fast! I put my coat on, opent the door and shout "Bye" and leg it!

It's not terribl that he does this....its just a bit scaredy-cat of him!