to think that MIL should be able to say more than 'is he there?' when she phones?

[DaisySteiner]

DH and I have been married 10 years now. MIL has never been very communicative with me, but surely when I answer the phone, she should at least say 'hello' to me?! Phone rang just now, I answered and all she said was "All right, can I speak to him?"

I said, "oh, hello MIL, how are you?" and got "Foine" (Brummy accent) "Is 'e there?"

Now, is it just me or is that just plain fucking rude? I understand that some people find small talk difficult but REALLY!

Is it a Birmingham thing? Or does she just hate me?! She's supposed to be coming to stay for a couple of nights next week. I'm considering injuring myself so I can be a hospital in-patient for the duration...

YANBU, though at least your's actually speaks. OH's mother used to just say nothing!
Seriously, just silence............
(she refuses to speak/see/discuss me, all good as far as I'm concerned, no fights over who's house for Christmas.

She did it a few times and I was getting freaked out before I realised who it was.

Just put the phone down on her....

Kitta a whistle is good for silent phone calls

2rebecca I hate pleasantries ! I'm a Londoner grumpy old bat and I don't like to waste time, especially having to listen to people's ailments/their neighbour's aliments/what they've bought recently, etc. But, as I have successfully taught my dch, on the phone you say "Hello, this is X. Can I speak to Y, please?"

No I have lived in Brum and they are very friendly really so its not that! Your in laws just cant be arsed with small talk, its very rude they should at least do some form of pleasantry.

my stepmum does this

me: Hi there, it's elporto, how are you?
her: I'll get your father...

Dad and I then have a conversation while she then loiters around the phone listening in, interjecting with what she considers to be pertinent points and sometimes (when feeling exceptionally passive-aggressive) starts trying to have a conversation with my dad about something else entirely while we are still on the phone

Yes your mil is very rude. At times like this I am pleased that my mil never actually phones our house. For years now she and fil have only ever phoned dp on his mobile during working hours. They did used to phone the house, I was always polite and chatty. But maybe they got fed up of listening to me prattle on when all they wanted to do was say 'is he there?' and get rid of me. [puzzled]

FIL used to do the same.

Until the day I said 'Who's speaking please?'

Silence, followed by a petulant 'It's FIL'

(not long after that all colours of shit hit the fan and we havent spoken for 4 years)

Thanks ChaoticAngel, though what I did was have OH (passively aggressively) mention the next time he visited his Mum that we?d been getting these silent calls and had contacted the police and they reckoned that it just needed one more call before they could finally trace the call and arrest the person doing it????.

Sorry naughty but I did enjoy it and from then on I at least got a ?Is he there??
And again if I?m in one of those moods I will say ?is who there who is this??
Simple mind simple pleasures

She is being rude, but perhaps she was not taught, and doesn't even realize that she is being rude?
"May I ask who is calling?"
and "Is who here?"
and "Yes, he is here." but not getting him
"Oh, you wish to speak with him? One moment please"

Of course, that would also be rude on your part.

Maybe you could call her up "just to say hello" and chat for a minute or two, say, once a week? Perhaps that will improve her phone skills?

This winds me right up- it is so rude!

If someone rings up and does this, I consider that they are treating me as if I am DH's secretary. So I respond like a GOOD secretary. I say " and who shall I say is calling?" in my nicest work phone-answering voice, and then "I shall just see if he is in", I then just hand the phone over, or tell them that he is not available right now and would they like to leave a message. I don't give details of where he might be.

2rebecca, I don't like chatting away on the phone either, but surely you can't be including simply saying "good morning" (2 words!) stating your name and who you want to talk to, is not chatting? It's basic politeness!

My MIL does this-tis fine by me!

We have caller display so husband usually answers anyway.

But on the rare occasions that I do answer..

"Oh, errr, hello, um is that you, diddl?"

They have our number on memory & she has always done this in the 15yrs that we´ve been married.

Why the great surprise, I´ve no idea.

My MIL always sounds really shocked when I answer DH's mobile, and asks 'who's that?' in a bit of a panic. Always feel like a phone thief rather than a wife. I only answer it when he's driving, but now refuse to! She's lovely, but this habit does get on my tits irritate me slightly.
Ironically (?), she's buying us a landline phone for xmas!

Actually, if i do answer, I think it´s more-"why are you answering when you know I want to speak to my son"

If he´s been away or at work I have been known to ignore tbh.

Yeah we have caller display and when I see its my MIL I just let him answer because I dont want to have to listen to an hours worth of 'you need to do this, have you done that, I am doing this'.

My MIL is the same. I generally don't answer if it's likely to be her and the kids do the same as she doesn't even want to talk to them, only DH. I always want to say "I'm fine, thanks for asking" but never actually do it

hehe, I get the disappointed tone of voice if I answer MIL's call 'oh, isn't he there?'

I cannot bring myself to be rude back but it is very irritating. If dh isn't around I will chat to her though (or listen and ask questions as she rambles on about herself). Sigh.

My FIL is the same. Very fecking rude; Still he's better than MIl who i won't say anything about cos i'll be here all day. Can you imagine ever being as rude to anyone as they are to us? Do they exist in a parallel universe where this stuff doesn't matter?

Christ I thought my MIL was bad! Perhaps I should count my blessings. At least she will converse on the telephone .

On reflection (seeing as I'm supposed to be writing a reflective essay and am on here instead!) I do think a large part of it with my MIL is that she is very, very shy and just doesn't do small talk. Her father is the opposite and will not bloody shut up, rambling on and on and on for hours to anybody if he gets the chance - I wonder if growing up with this has made her react by doing the opposite?

The lack of conversation in general can be absolutely excrutiating though - when ds1 was born we were living with my parents and the ILs came to visit. They ended up staying all day and literally barely spoke a word beyond 'All roight?' and 'Is 'e good?' I was knackered and had baby-blues and after trying to make conversation for the first hour or so, we just sat there pretty much in silence for about 6 hours. I kid you not.

oh that sounds awkward to say the least!