to be pissed off with DH's "you're dumping it on me" comment?

[CrazyPlateLady]

I am a SAHM. I have always sorted out and taken DS to various appointments over the last 2.9 years. No problem with that, that is my job.

When DS was a baby, it looked like he may have a slight squint so he has been having regular checks on his eyes. It now looks as though the sight in his left eye isn't quite as good as the right and they want to do a proper eye test.

I took DS a couple of weeks ago (the appointment where they told me he needed a proper eye test). I am 6 months pregnant, I have M.E. and I am dealing with an active toddler. We were very late going in as they were behind and DS was very bored and kept trying to escape from the waiting room. I was constantly dragging him back and trying to keep him calm and quiet. It was exhausting!

This next appointment is going to be an hour long. I will be 7 months pregnant. I am also very squeamish about eyes and get quite apprehensive about just going to the eye infirmary.

I have changed the appointment to a day that DH has off work. I phoned him and said that is what I have done and would he mind taking DS. It was fine then DH said something about me being there as well and I said "well I thought you could take him" and explained my above reasons. DH then said "oh so you want to just dump it on me then."

I said maybe I could come too then. Then after when I was thinking about it, I was getting really annoyed. It doesn't take both of us. I won't actually be doing anything other than sitting there with them, DH will be doing the running around. I have always dealt with all the appointments, clinics etc as I am a SAHM so that is fine but the comment about me "dumping" this on DH really wound me up tbh.

Am I being completely unreasonable about this?

I expect it was just a grumpy comment, everyone makes them now and again.

YANBU by being annoyed, it WAS an unfair comment, but I would just pretend he never said it.

Thanks for your replies.

You are right Curly he is a good dad but I did say to him in a nice way, not "oh its your day off, you will take DS" but when I was thinking about it last night I realised that of course I would go anyway as I want to hear what the woman says and I want to know that DS is ok. DH isn't great at remembering info. It was just the inferrence from DH that he couldn't possible do it by himself that got me annoyed and thinking about not going, then I realised that wasn't going to happen as I want to go anyway. (So hormonal at the moment).

Didn't get chance to say it last night anyway as when he got back from swimming he was telling me about our friends and potential problem they may have so we were discussing that.

He knows I am pissed off though (I think he knows it was about the tea thing) as as soon as he came in he offered to make me a cup of tea which he always does when he is trying to 'make it up to me' IYSWIM.

I will mention to him that it annoyed me but also that I will be going anyway.

Wrt your sons eyesight, my DS had a squint when he was little. He wore glasses and had a patch for a while to help correct it (the NHS make cool looking ones with pictures on now, not like the ones that used to be available).
Within a couple of years the problem was sorted and you can't see the squint at all now. He still wears glasses, but then so do lots of children. It hasn't affected his life in any way. So please don't worry too much about it, as there is so much that can be done to help eyesight.

I do think that while couples should obviously be polite to each other, you shouldn't have to be grateful for your DH doing his share. I'm sorry, but the tea comment would really piss me off. I'm sure your DH is not an awful person, but I do think he is taking you for granted. Please don't lose sight of the fact that this is his child too and he is as obligated as you to take him to appointments. It shouldn't be viewed as a favour on his part.

You have a point actually.

I have a friend whose DH doesn't take the children out that much on his own and if he does its only so my friend can get something done, not have some free time to herself, then another friend whose DH works full time gets him to do everything so she can have really long lie ins all the time and she says she is ill but she can still do the things that she wants to do.

DH tells me that I am lucky to have him as he is somewhere in the middle. He does take DS out to give me a break etc but now I think about it, its always done like it is some massive favour to me, when actually, it shouldn't be and I shouldn't be so 'grateful'. I appreciate it, obviously but it shouldn't be as some great favour to me really, should it?

Oh and the eyesight thing. You can't see a squint now. It was only in photos when DS was a baby but they got it checked anyway and we had yearly follow up appointment when they now think his left eye may be a bit weaker. Its strange though as DS has really good eyesight, doesn't miss a think and spots stuff that I don't. He also sees small things from a distance but maybe that is his right eye compensating?

I remember with my son that his 'good' eye overcompensated for the one with the squint. My DS could see really well, but only out of the one eye. The eye with the squint had to be retrained into working, which is why he had eye patches for a while. It will always be slightly weaker than the eye which didn't have a squint, but again I think lots of people have one eye which is better than the other.

I think that society as a whole has this thing whereby working out of the home is seen as valuable and being a SAHP isn't really. It's a powerful message being constantly reinforced and I suppose will have an impact on how childcare and home responsibilties are viewed. That's why some people need reminding that being at home is not always easy, that it is real work, and has its own stresses. You are 'on duty' 24/7 and that is a big deal.

If your DH hasn't had that responsibility all the time then he probably doesn't understand, but now is the time to get that understanding, because you will soon have 2 DC