To wonder whether those of you with problem MIL/PIL

[newlurker]

had any inkling of how it was going to be before you got involved beyond the point of no (easy) return with their son - or was it once all sweetness and light then changed later in the relationship?
If the former did you ever have second thoghts about continuing with your partner? I once broke up with someone because I perceived his parents as a problem. I have sometimes regretted my action - but after reading some of the horror stories currently on this forum - I'm thinking maybe I was right after all...

Meant to add, OTOH, if DH was not nice to his mother for no significant reason, that would have been as much of a red flag as an over-dependent mummy's boy.

It can work the other way too, wer'nt sure about dil when ds frist came home with her [to much makeup]:o seemed to "old" and worldly for my little soldier:o, but she is the best dil in the world a great wife, and brilliant mother, and unless she an actress worthy of a oscar, seems to care about me and dh :o

It was all light and nice when we were dating but the week of the wedding it all changed and she was bossy, pushy, did not take no for an awser and DH would not stand up to MIL.

I tried to call the wedding off but DH would not let me.

When i had DS it just got worse then i had a big row with DH and filed for devoice but we sorted things out and i stoped the procedings.

Now we class me, DH and DS as a family and other people as relatives. We show a united front and DH has started to stand up for me and DS to his mum and Dad.

I also told MIL that she had NPD and now i think she is tring to prove me wrong so things are ok at the mo but i still hate them and our house is up for sale so we can move away from them.

Not been great from the start - I often say to DH that I wouldn't be friends with them if they were the same age as us. It struck me on looking round PIL's house years ago that there were no pictures of DH, just of MIL and FIL, which I thought was odd as DH is only child. They have a very different style of parenting to my own parents (and frankly, most of my friends' parents!) in that they are very ungenerous and critical of DH, who I think has done really well for himself and turned out to be a fantastic chap.

MIL has always been very "pass-remarkable" - especially about her friends and family (Lord only knows what she says about me!) - and competitive with me, even though it's not really possible to compare our careers and achievements. I've noticed this more so since we moved closer to them.

The birth of DS has driven even more of a wedge between us. Where before I would tolerate and just shrug off the rudeness and bossiness, now I just avoid them. As I see it, it's DH's responsibility to take DS to see them and to communicate with them, as I do with my parents. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point of MIL suggesting I have PND (not according to the HV - I scored 1 out of 12 on the test) because her ideas of being my DS's 'bigmummy' (whaaaaaa?!) differ so wildly from mine. Can't see it changing any time in the future, though it's manageable now as long as I don't have to spend time with them.

Another country isn't far enough. Going for another continent!

I've had two mothers-in-law, both strong and challenging (as am I!). The difference is that firstly, current DH manages this as an adult, sets boundaries and understands all perspectives. Old H was a Mummy's boy and a coward. Secondly, I have managed the situation better this time. MIL is aware that there are non-negotiables (expressed with love and humour) and she has to let us make our own decisions about our family. This takes work.