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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my SIL is out of order and being a total hypocrite about our wedding?

25 replies

Ghostie · 02/11/2010 16:58

So we are getting married in August just after our DDs first bday. We didn't want anything big and were originally going to go off and do it just the three of us, without telling anyone. But, then my MIL found out and really wanted to be there. We went through a million options re where to have the wedding and decided on a country house, which sleeps 30 over 4 days. We consulted and checked with all family that they were happy to have for accoumadation (about 170 per person for 4 nights) before we booked. Everyone said it was a great idea.

Now, my SIL told my dad that she doesn't want to stay in the house, but wants to camp near by to save money. I am so angry about this. 1. Because we asked first. 2. Because my bro earns loads of money. 3. Because my in laws, plus about ten others, are flying over from oz and that is costing them over $5,000 in flights before they even get here with no complaints. But most of all I am annoyed because when they got married, they did it in a remote part of Italy, in term time, when loads of the family are teachers. Me and my DF had to loose two days pay, plus flights, plus they chose a really expensive hotel where you had to have all your food and drink because there was nowhere else near by and it cost everyone a fortune! It would not even occur to her though. I am pretty confident that when I speak to my bro it will be fine and he will do the right thing, but she really gets my wound up some times, she can be really selfish and hypocritical!!!

Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 02/11/2010 17:05

perhaps her finacial situation has changed?

onepieceoflollipop · 02/11/2010 17:06

Does it really affect you if she camps rather than stays in the hotel? Let it go.

FoxyRevenger · 02/11/2010 17:07

Rant away! Sounds like it will be better for her to be out of your hair, she sounds like a bit of a case.

ForMashGetSmash · 02/11/2010 17:08

Let her shiver in her saddo tent then...don't let 170 quid ruin your preperations...have a great time planning and forget her!

saffy85 · 02/11/2010 17:08

She might be skint right now. Does it matter as long as they attend? Could you invite some more people?

Pancakeflipper · 02/11/2010 17:10

Let her do what she wants. You do what you want and let the anger go. It's not worth it.

stillbobbysgirl · 02/11/2010 17:14

She will look like a right numpty out in her tent when everyone else having a great old time in the hotel - let her get on with it I say.

HeadlessPrinceBilly · 02/11/2010 17:16

Presumably if OP has booked a package she may well have to pay for them now they hav changed their minds?

defineme · 02/11/2010 17:18

YANBU to be irritated as she'd agreed, but rise above and let it go.

Ghostie · 02/11/2010 17:19

Her finances have changed in that my bro has just bought in to become a partner in a huge company - I guess a risk, but stands to make them a huge amaount of money. If money was an issue she could always got a job!

It matters in that I want my bros there and that we booked the house and planned our finances based on people having told us that they were happy to pay for their accomadation.

I will let it go and I will just deal with my brother, but she is just very inconsiderate and infuriating at times!

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 02/11/2010 17:30

doubt she's done it to piss you off unless she's generally an attention-seeking type who wants to be coaxed.

she's giving you the best part of a year's notice to raise the costs of her and brother's rooms. or invite someone else to stay. don't let it fluster you.

CheeseandGherkins · 02/11/2010 17:43

Why is it always the sil/woman to blame? The men get away with it all...it's just as much down to him as it is her so maybe you should be blaming him and not your sil? So what if they (not just her) want to camp instead? What's the big issue?

ditavonteesed · 02/11/2010 17:48

So they have just had a massive oyutgoing wioth possibly no money back for a long time, maybe they really can't afford it. I was haviong trouble with my sil's wedding as they are all staying in a really posh hotel that we can't afford, tbh we couldn't even afford a canp site, I talked to sil about it and they offered to pay for our hotel and are buying us the flight for xmas and birthdays.
It is your wedding not hers she still wants to come, tbh when I offered to stay on a camp site near by I was miserable about it, the thought of everyone else haviong a great time while we were stuck in a crappy tent, but I would have done it to go to the wedding.

ditavonteesed · 02/11/2010 17:49

oh and why should she get a job just so she can afford to attend your wedding, FIL suggested to me that we had a year to save, even if I could have saved the money up i really didn't want to scrimp and save for a year to attend somebody elses wedding.

LittleMissHissingFirecracker · 02/11/2010 17:49

Explain to your brother that regardless of her reasons for wanting to change the arrangements, as the accommodation is a confirmed group booking, and was agreed in advance, the cost still has to be met.

Sort it out with your brother. If she wants to camp, let her, but the cost of the house that she initially agreed to has to be covered.

If she had cancelled a hotel booking after the deadline she wouldn't get a refund, it'd be taken from her card. This is a confirmed booking, it has to be paid.

Don't let this fluster you, be matter of fact, there is opt out, the deadline passed for that.

LittleMissHissingFirecracker · 02/11/2010 17:51

sorry, there is NO opt out.

Appletrees · 02/11/2010 17:52

oh for God's sake

yanbu, she's being a pain in the bum

it's her fault if the bro agreed to it

Appletrees · 02/11/2010 17:54

sometimes i think mners have such profound sympathy and understanding for people who are being so obviously selfish that they must all be just as caught up in themselves in the same way

TrillianAstra · 02/11/2010 17:55

It has been booked.

She agreed at the time of booking and now wants to back out.

Everything else is irrelevant - SIBU.

FlameGrilledMama · 02/11/2010 18:04

I think she is BU but I would offer the room to someone else or pay for it myself and laugh knowing she is gonna be in a tent LMAO Grin

Chatelaine · 02/11/2010 18:05

YANBU but I would say, let it go. From experience, I know this sort of thing can really hurt and wind you up. Ignore it, don't rise to it, they are attending the wedding so that's what matters. Do not refer to it to others... Obviously she does not know you cann't plug a hairdrier into a tent, and that they will be missing the "full english" Grin Seriously, let it go, be happy. Also you will need to give the hotel the final line up of confirmed guests, nearer the time, negotiate their terms, which maybe you need more detail about.

FlameGrilledMama · 02/11/2010 18:07

Chatelaine some places offer a set price for set amount of rooms so I doubt op can negotiate.

Chatelaine · 02/11/2010 18:17

Yes, I got that wrong, OP is renting a property at a fixed price. Sorry Blush Any how, do not discuss it with other family members/guests is my advice.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 02/11/2010 18:33

SIBU in that you asked her and she agreed but it is also true her situation has changed in that time. When I was planning my first wedding we looked at a house like this and as it was where we wanted our wedding there and the circumstances of asking people to be there for a few days we chose to decide on whether the wedding budget covered the whole thing as we were very aware that people would usually if staying at all only stay for one night for a wedding rather than 4 and would have the option of staying anywhere they liked so we chose to pay for the whole thing to have the venue plus the people we wanted staying over!

Appletrees · 02/11/2010 18:52

She is so out of order.

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