Somebody give me honest perspective

[ificouldundothepast]

Things between me and the ex have been very strained and she is under a lot of stress with studying and life in general and I don?t want to add anymore so can?t say anything to her.

Today I collect my three year old from nursery. We come outside and she is tearful. When asked what is wrong she tells me she is wet. I check and she is soaking having wet herself which is something she rarely does. I go back inside to change her and the woman just takes over. There are three kids around the same age around her and I can see she is not comfortable and one little boy puts his hands on her pants. I keep saying that I will change her and will take her to the bathroom. The woman insists she is fine and carries on changing her and ignoring my requests to take her to the bathroom. The woman makes an issue about its ok as she will change her dress first so no one can see and at the same time kept saying she must of got water on herself as she never wets herself. She had wet herself as she had told me and I could not establish how long before. I was bloody fuming but felt I could not say anything as I am just only allowed to collect her from nursery. I don?t think she should be changed in the middle of the room with all the other kids beside her and how did she manage to get and stay wet without any of the carer?s noticing? If I mention it to my ex she might think I am making something out of nothing or if she does agree with me it will add more stress in her life and might stop me from collecting her again.

Why is it that you are only allowed to collect?

I would also have a problem with my child being changed in public. Write a letter to the nursery manager explaining that you weren't comfortable with what happened and asking for an explanation, that way you will get the reply and you don't need to worry your ex if it can be resolved without her.

Is there a manager at the nursery you could mention your concerns to?

Sorry, I was too slow typing. Great minds...

i would have expected changing to be done in a bathroom. i would speak to the manager. do you have PR? regardless of whether you are only allowed to collect, you are her parent and you are concerned with teh way sshe was treated. you have a right to question it.

If you have parental responsibility then tbh you are well within your rights to speak to the manager of the nursery.

This is not about your relationship with your XW, this is not about the Nursery, this is all about your DD.

Ask the Manager if SHE would be happy to be changed in the middle of a room in front of males her age? Sounds BONKERS!

Thanks everyone for the replies as I always seem to be in the wrong and don?t think I was being awkward and yes my daughter is my major concern but don?t have anyone to express my concerns to and get a balance opinion.

You sound pretty defeated, why do you think you are in the wrong?

Trust your instincts! They are bang on.

If that helps you feel a little more confident, then grab onto it and capitalise.

You sound as if you are trying your best, so be proud of yourself.

there's a health and safety issue here. changing a child in the middle of a room is not a hygienic practice.

That is out of order, they should not be doing that infront of other children. I would speak to the manager or OFSTED.

Ex childminder by the way.

the nursery worker is covering her own back because she knows its unacceptable that your dd was sent home wet. she was playing it down, possibly because she knew dd was wet before she went home. similar experience as op and nursery. i called her on knowing dd was wet and she admitted she had told her and she forgot to change her.

Hang on a minute!!

Im a NNEB and worked in nurseries and pre schools - there could be any number of things gone on,

Working on the assumtion dd had wet herself,perhaps it was a little wee from holding on?

perhaps she did it and didnt tell anyone?

perhaps the assistant was the only one in the room and there was no one there to relieve her whilst she took dd to the bathroom?

Perhaps she knows you ex partner is having a bad time and wanted to rectify the situation asap so as not to distress her?

perhaps the assistant felt awkward with you there?

maybe

your dd had spilt her drink/the water/sat in something?

Its very hard to think that a child has done a full wee and not left a puddle that would definitely be discovered within minutes.

Of course these things do happen and whilst I am secure knowing all my charges were well looked after I cant obviously say all other childcarers would be the same,I dont think this was in any way neglectful or lazy.

Personally Id let it ride this time but perhaps speak to the assistant tomorrow.

Btw if a previously dry child wets herself it can be an indicator of a urinary tract infection.

Or they are coming down with something. DS can do it if he has a bad cold. Dunno why.

Dracs you seem to have missed the point. He isn't blaming nursery for her being wet, just for changing his dd infront of the class and not in the toilet

I would talk to your ex about it, but in a way that shows you are concerned about your dd. Maybe by playing it up a little and saying that you are either worried ahe might have a UTI, or that she may have wet herself because she was nervous about you picking her up (if this is only a recent thing) and you'd like to be able to do anything you can to make this change easier for your dd.

Try and tackle it together, but you need to make it very claer that you are not critisizing or accusing your ex in any way.

Btw, there is legislation that states children should be treated in a respectful manner, and that their dignity should be maintained at all times. Not sure what it is off the top of my head, it might be Every Child Matters, which every childcare provider has to adhere to by law.

thecaptaincrocfamily .... my opinion and fingers on the keyboard run away with me .

LOL Dracs obviously been a stressful day!!