to not babysit for these people again?

[smupcakes]

I am a nanny and I recently cared for two children (10 months and 6) Friday 6am - Saturday 10am when their grandparents took over.

I am the only babysitter this family have that they can leave the baby with as I've minded them since he was 3 months and he isn't used to anyone else. He is v.fussy atm and cries even if strangers speak to him while he's in the pram etc.

Initally their parents quivelled about my rate - which I preemptively reduced because I know they are tight with money and wanted to avoid any awkwardness.

I offered, my hourly rate from 6am (when I turned up to find the mother still in her PJs - thanks for making me get up at 5 and then not leaving for 45 minutes!) until the little girl went to sleep at 8:30pm. And 40 quid overnight And then hourly rate 6am (when the baby was supposed to wake) until 10am.

I thought this was quite reasonable - they weren't very happy apparently but reluctantly agreed. Keep in mind they were going for a long weekend away to a five star hotel to gamble and shop! I arrived to find an A4 typed page of jobs ranging from batch cooking, ironing (kids only) to refilling ALL bottles for grandmother's start (which I would've done anyway as a courtesy but TBH seemed a little over the top as I'm sure the grandmother could have refilled 1 or 2 bottles if need be)...

Anyhow, the baby apparent sleeps through all night on every occasion. Well, not on this occasion. Woke 5-6 times. Fed, cuddled etc. Told the mother on the phone the next morning when she called - of course no mention of compensation, an apology or even commiseration for my being up all night. "Ohhhh, he hasn't done that in ages..."

Then the grandfather arrived to take the little girl to her swimming lesson, and said their grandmother would be arriving at 10am to relieve me (I stay home with the baby while they go to swimming). The baby starts screaming hysterically as soon as the grandfather comes in. The mother had previously told me he hadn't had much to do with the grandparents, but it would be fine. It clearly wasn't fine - he was absolutely distraught until the grandfather handed him back to me after insisting he should hold "misery guts". So after the little girl and grandfather left, I called Mum to say I was a bit concerned as baby obviously didn't settle the whole 20 minutes the grandfather was there and would only stop crying when I held him. Was back to happy, smiling self the minute he left.

I offered to have him for the day - take him round to do my jobs etc and just bring him back and put him to bed. I would have thought the Mother would be extremely grateful for the offer, considering her baby was obviously distressed being held / around someone he didn't know. Obviously completely her choice to accept or not but no word of thanks were offered only a curt, "No - it'll be fine.. Ok, bye".

The grandmother then arrives, cue hysterical crying from the baby when she steps through the door through to when I gather up my stuff to leave. As I close the front door she is holding him at arms length and he has his arms outstretched in my direction, becoming increasingly more red and out of breath.

I don't think I'll babysit for them again because I am a bit resentful about the pay and tbh - it makes me sad and this incident has really confirmed for me, they don't seem to have the best interests of their children at heart (all the time)..

So AIBU to refuse all future work? Or am I overreacting?

YANBU

Its the law of supply and demand. If you have plenty of other nicer clients you nanny for, I would politely decline the next time they ask.

YANBU
I'm surprised so many people think you were being U. You have a certain rate for night nannying and they lied to avoid paying you for the work you did. My DS slept from 11ish to 5ish at that age, not unusual. They were obviously also more interested in their weekend away than making sure their DD was comfortable - not nice.

I'm shocked she left you a list of chores, cooking, ironing to do, you were there as a babysitter, not a cleaner/housekeeper!!

If they ask you again, I would quote them your standard nanny rate, then they won't accept because it's too expensive for them, and you won't have to actually turn them down.

I also find it quite odd that the baby wasn't used to the grandparents at all, but that's for the family to figure out I guess.

I don't knoe, if you were charging your standard nanny rate then you aren't just a babysitter are you? So it was reasonable of her to expect to do the same level of work that you would normally do as a nanny

and I think the baby waking up is just tough shit, really, that's babies for you

and I also think the baby not wanting to go with grandparents is a storm in a teacup, he was probably fine once you'd gone

YANBU unless you need the money.

Trouble is you lowered your rate and then they took the p*ss a bit.

I suggest next time you work out how much you are prepared to to do the job for and stick to your guns. If they quibble, walk away.

If I get offered a job I don't really want I quote the amount that will make it worthwhile and stop me from moaning.

You should have charged her the full hourly rate for all of the time you where at her house and minding the children.

I think they sound vile.

Thanks all for your views - it's surprising how many opinions have been so varied!

yanbu in the slightest. you sound like a very caring babysitter.

hmmm...maybe it's me but it sounds like a very expensive 28 hours for the parents. £40 for overnight - my babysitter stays overnight for £15 (but she is 16 and not a nanny obviously)

keep hold of her birminghamgirl!!!

babysitters here £10 an hour(nursery qualified) and DS never wakes up, so she just watches tv
hate to think what it would be overnight!!

demeafavour - yes, in that case most nannies would just charge you a sleepover rate only (i.e. significantly less than their hourly rate). This would be usually from end of babysitting time (i.e. 11pm or so).

This is to compensate them for being away for home but also to reflect that your child doesn't wake and they would only need to be active in an emergency / out of the ordinary situation - e.g. illness, bad dream etc

To my mind they were unreasonable leaving you the cooking and ironing. Fair enough to sort the bottles out incase the grandparents couldn't manage.

Further I thought £40 overnight from 8.30pm is v reasonable - I would have expected to pay the hourly rate until your bedtime eg at 10pm.

re: baby waking in the night, its a hard one as perhaps the mum was not honest or perhaps the baby had a bad night - but if you had known this you should have been paid hourly rate all night!

I think totally reasonable to refuse future work. Or you could just say that your hourly rate is x and you want that for every hour you are there including overnight.

When my nanny came to look after DS1 and DD when I went to hospital to have DS2, I paid nanny normal rate for every hour she was there including during the night.

I would not have done the ironing or batch cooking etc. I think if you are going to continue to work for them, you will have to be a bit tougher, they talked your price down, then laid a pile of housework on you to get as good a deal as possible. So you need to fight your corner a bit more - or drop them.

Depends how reliant you are on the work.

Thanks MumNW - I think it does help if you have some perspective as to what 'the norm' is.. I am definitely happy not to be paid every hour I am there if the children are sleeping! As you say, I did drop my rate by only charging my overnight fee from when the little girl went to bed.

But the thing was I literally didn't sleep at all because the baby woke every hour and I'm not as skilled as most Mums probably are at just dropping off to sleep again! Not saying she had to turn around and pay me as a night nanny - but she could of at least commiserated a bit considering she was the one who assured me that was impossible!

birminghamgirl - you leave your children overnight in the sole care of a 16 year old? Or do you mean that she stays over because you're v.late back? I think if she's staying over because you're late back then it's totally different to the OPs case where the parents were away for the weekend.

If they're paying you as a babysitter - they get a babysitter (i.e. sod the batch cooking), if they're paying you as a nanny - they get a nanny (bells, whistles, flying in on an umbrella optional).

They took the piss, especially if they DID tell a porky about the baby being one who sleeps through the night - but you'll never be able to prove that was/wasn't a freak one-off occurrence so you're on a losing number there.

To those complaining the OP mentioned the waking in the night thing - this is her income, she doesn't NOT expect babies to wake in the night - but, because it's a different level of workload, she has a different rate to reflect that. They'd told her the little one was past that stage - so they got the cheaper rate... on this night - it was most definitely not past that stage. That's NOT whining the baby woke up, that's whining because you were misled.

If you're comfortable with the levels of work you're getting (economy being poo and all) I'd just politely decline/be honest if you're gutsier than I am if they ask you to babysit again.

Agree with emptyshell, they did take the piss. I've been a nanny and a babysitter many many times and they got a very good deal with you. I'm afraid that if you want to go off and leave your children for the weekend then it will be expensive, not that I think you were. I think you were far too cheap. Your hourly rate should have been right through all the time you worked as it is fairly certain that a young baby will wake up during the night. And I wouldn't have done any batch cooking, that's for sure!