to do this by email

[irishqueen]

Hi,
My husband and I legally separated 2 yrs ago and have been living apart since June 2008. I met a new parner early in year and things have got very serious quickly ( 23 weeks pg ) He is delighted and very supportive.
For reasons I don't really want to go into in public my children from the marriage dd6 and ds4 live with their father through the week and I have them weekends and usually after school one day. My relationship with my ex is very strained. He can make access difficult and we dont communicate at handover other than basic politeness. My current parner is in a differennt city and I havent introduced him to my children yet although now I plan to.
Obviously I need to tell my ex H about the pg as I cant hide it for longer and suggest that I introduce my partner to the kids. I want to do this by email ( I can't tell him face to face). I am struggling to write the email and dont know what to say. Tearing my hair out and in floods of tears. Please help?
I will tell the children as soon as he replies and will handle it as sensitively as I can although I'm sure they will accept it and be excited. Beautiful well adjusted kids but that is stage 2.

the only down side I can see to that is that you won't know when he's going to read the email

So you dont think your DC have twigged by now that you are pregnant?

I think this has to be a face-to-face conversation, to be honest. But not in the sense of asking permission, just to convey the facts. It's horrible when parents use children as bargaining chips... if that's what the 'make access difficult' reference signifies. But e-mails are so impersonal and so easily misinterpreted that I think they are not the easy option. I would recommend meeting on neutral ground if you're nervous.

I think something like this needs to be done face to face.
Emails are very impersonal.
Does your ex know you are in a relationship?

Why do you have to tell your exH before you tell your DCs? You are legally separated and not answerable to your ex.

Obviously, I don't know why your DC live with their dad and not you, but if you are in a committed relationship with your new partner and neither you or your partner are unfit parents then it's up to you when you decide to introduce him to your DC, not your ex. It is hard to judge this without knowing all the circumstances

I think he has had an idea that im seeing someone as he mentioned something to my father but tbh he wont care about that. kids havent twigged yet as been hiding the bump but cant get away with that for much longer ( he hasnt seen the bump ... swing coats are fab)
I doubt he will meet me face to face without kids ... ARGHHHHH

If I were him Id be pretty peeved that you are so far along in your new relationship and your kids have not even met the new man! Imagine if it were the other way round. The only way to do this is face to face - you had children with this man, the least you should be able to do is hold a conversation.

I know its not always that easy but to maintain the moral highground you should try.

I didn't want him to hear it from the dc's and likewise i didnt want to introduce a partner when access has been up in air before. I have suffered from depression in past and thought that leaving the crappy marriage would help but it took me ages to adjust. I never feel confidet in front of him. He despises me for my weaknesses. I just didnt want to rock the boat.
He wont have met anyone ... he is total introvert ( i was his first gf in 7 yrs) and i am guessing he will disapprove of my pg (very moral)and think I am not thinking of the kids yet he wont budge on access and can bevery unreasonable. I feel like a feckin teenager when he speaks to me

I know it's none of my business because you didn't actually ask about this, but have you had legal advice regarding access? Your ex doesn't have a right to withold the children from you and I don't think it's up to him to say when you can and can't see your own DCs.
Personally, I'd be getting the courts to look at the access arrangements to determine what is fair and reasonable

Karma you are right but i have been rightly or wrongly hoping to keep it amicable. i have seen a lawyer in case things get nasty. He wont want me to be happy as he will think i dont deserve it.
Anyway I sent the bloody email and I will just have to wait and see if he says anything when i take the kids back tonight.
feeling sick

Glad you have had some legal advice. You can only keep things amicable if he doesn't mess you about regarding access. If he uses access to the children as a way of controlling what you do, then best to get things sorted legally, so that you can all get on with your lives as you choose to.