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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if your DP goes out for birthday drinks

44 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 01/11/2010 10:52

...in London

and you stay at home, because your heavily pregnant, and have a 4 year old,

his ex shouldnt invite herself and turn up - without your DP knowing and just stay all evening?

Meeting his work colleagues that you havent met?

Im not cross with DP - I know his ex, we are on friendly terms, however she didnt tell me or him she was going out for drinks

He called me to tell me she had turned up, and wanted to know why / how

I explained I had told him I had spoken to her, earlier in the week - and mentioned that DP was going out in London on friday night, turns out she contacted a mutual friend of DP's and her's... found out details, and turned up.

Im cross, do I have the right to be?or am i just being silly pregnant fatty?

OP posts:

TheEvilDead2 · 01/11/2010 15:07

Sorry maybe I have confused myself. So you two were friends then you got with her Ex? Do you think she might be upset baout it? Tryign to win him back?

catholicatheist · 01/11/2010 15:18

No I would be fuming!I am currently heavily pregnant and I wouldnt be having DH going anywhere for drinks anyway just in case I need him at home! There is plenty of time for that with future birthdays! As for this ex..WTF..I would be (as someone else said) cooling off that friendship as having an ex on the scene is not a good idea imo and this one sounds like she is after getting her claws in to me. Its totally inappropriate, I hate women like this who do not know the boundaries. Your partner is with you now and you have children she should back off good style and if I were you I would be seeing to it that she did. This could be just me being OTT but I dont think you can be mates with an ex really. You are a very patient partner by the sounds of things!

AnyFawker · 01/11/2010 15:20

err, catholic I think you are right

you are being OTT

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 01/11/2010 15:20

DP isnt friends with her, they dont speak - her and I are/were friends
she comes to our home when DP is not here, and if DP is here, he is polite but doesnt talk much and stays out of her way.

He refers to her as the poison fairy. haha

OP posts:

saffy85 · 01/11/2010 15:22

I would have been livid. Inside. Don't let this saddo think she has got to you though.

catholicatheist · 01/11/2010 15:32

hang on so you got with your DP after they broke up and you two were friends then? This sheds a different light then..lol

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 01/11/2010 15:33

well, we all are similar age, they were together when they werw 17

they split up about 4 years before DP and I got together, and both had other relationships in between

OP posts:

Hullygully · 01/11/2010 15:34

How long were yo and she together? Perhaps she hasn't got over it.

catholicatheist · 01/11/2010 15:38

hmm all sounds rather complicated. To be honest you cant be friends with someone who has a prior claim on your DP its way too weird (well it would be for me anyway). Did your DP finish the relationship or did she? I think that would make a big difference in terms of her motivation..but either way I wouldnt want her still hanging around it is too problematic. Besides why is she still friends with you anyway if you are now with her ex? I mean isnt that a bit of a break from an unspoken no no? I would be upset if one of my friends got with an ex..again that is just me though.

SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass · 01/11/2010 19:57

Ok her behaviour is weird but your DP's is not remotely so - he sounds bemused by it.
It is possible to be friends with a partner's XP if the relationship was long over, particularly if you are in one of these big longterm groups of friends who have mostly all had each other at some point in their younger days. But for her to do this is just, well, odd.
But TBH I would ignore it. Your DP doesn;t show any signs of wanting to shag her or run off with her, and if she was trying to get some sort of reaction out of you by doingthis, then don't give her one.

overmydeadbody · 01/11/2010 20:06

Her behaviour is wierd.

Agree with SGB, ignore it and don;t mention it to her.

2rebecca · 01/11/2010 21:34

Agree your husband has been honest, and sounds as though he wasn't too happy about it, she sounds weird. I'd be cooling off the relationship with her though and if she ever asks you where he is again I'd say "you want me to tell you so you can chase after him again when I'm not there? No way."

capricorn76 · 02/11/2010 11:04

Why are you friends with this woman? She cheats on her partners has no morals and doesn't appear to respect boundaries. She is a predator and is trying to steal your DH when she calculated he would be pissed and probably hasn't had sex for a while because of your situation. I bet she was dressed up to the nines as well.

She knows you're heavily pregnant and probably not looking your best and is trying to compete with you over your man. She hasn't even mentioned to you what she did which means her intentions were definatley not pure. How can you not see this? Nip this in the bud now.

AnyFawker · 02/11/2010 13:37

This woman is a "man's woman" ,make no mistake about that

woopsidaisy · 02/11/2010 13:41

This woman sounds very sad,YANBU.
Yoy are eating banana sandwiches,YABVVVU! Yuk!

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 02/11/2010 20:06

thank you for all the advice, DP and I had a chat about it, decided to tell her that Im cross with the way she behaves, and that she deliberatly acted in a way that she knew would be a. innapropriate and b. would make me unhappy and I am meant to be her friend.

We shall see...

however, I dnt want to do this face to face, so does any one have any suggestions for a text I could send her that would say all that?

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 02/11/2010 20:09

I dont want her around any more and DP has said he does not feel happy about her being in our home at all

He doesnt want her "dropping in" when the baby is born -

so bassicaly, can I ditch her, and how?

I cant just ignore her, i'd have to tell her / say some thing or she will just continue to tip up on way home from work / when shes bored

oh, and btw, DP gets it often enough and apparently he has no complaints (how cute, he's such a good liar!!)

If he'd put on 2 stone and had boobs that leaked when you looked at them, I wouldnt want to shag him... ;)

OP posts:

catholicatheist · 02/11/2010 21:22

Ah that is good that you have decided to get this woman out of your life..she sounds like she has an agenda! Just ignore her for a while and see if she disappears if not then think about a plan B.

2rebecca · 02/11/2010 23:55

Stop inviting her in if she comes round, be just about to do something urgent.
I wouldn't send a text about this sort of stuff. Texts are for arranging meetings etc not for important discussions.
If you are going to tell her to back off you tell her to her face.
You need to decide if you enjoy spending time with her or not. If you do invite her in and ask her what she was playing at inviting herself to your husband's do. If you don't want to see her don't contact her and don't invite her in if she pops round, maybe telling her that you aren't happy she seemed to be chasing after your husband, or just go out more so you aren't in when she usually comes round.

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