Should I stay or should I go?

[hoxtonbabe]

After me and the kids being rejected by their father (who decided to leave the the family home that we shared and the UK and set up a new life in the middle east without telling me and then sent an email telling me he had enough) I realised after a while that not all men are pigs. I recently started dating a guy that has 2 daughters aged 6 and 9, who not that long ago separated from his wife so the whole thing of shraing the kids is new to him.

Where I am unsure if I am being unreasonable is the way I have to constantly work around his and his ex's schedule. I understand that he has the girls and obviously needs to see them, but not sure how much I can take of this. For instrance I asked him earlier when we were going to hook up this week as I need to arrange childcare, at the moment his kids are on holidays and due back on Weds, so I know weds and thurs will be out which is fine by me and I prefer the weekends anyway, but then he says he doesnt know about the weekend until he speaks with ex, my way of thinking is tell the ex that on say Friday you are busy and you will have the girls on Sat-Sun (he always either has them Fri-sat or Sat-Sun) and a couple days in the week

We have had a little chat about this and he too has agreed that considering my limited childcare acces that one day over the weekend should be set aside for us, but it of is always based on what the ex wants?!?! I have never dated a man with kids in the past because of things like this and I know what I am like. I would never want to put a man in a position where he may feel torn at times hence me thinking maybe I should call it a day

Am I just being a bit of a brat or should I hold out and see if things get a bit fairer?

Sorry for long rant :-)

If you are really after some good advice about a life-changing decision such as staying with a partner, may I suggest the relationships forum. If you just want people agreeing that he is a wanker or berating you for getting with him in the first place, you are in the right place

i see no problem with him telling his ex that he can only do sat-sun at the weekends, but be prepared to be flexible. if she agrees to it, great but there willbe times where she needs him to change the days. as you know, life with kids doesn't always go to plan so there will be times where you just don't get to see each other.

If you get into a relationship with children then it's always going to be a matter of concessions and compromises and everyone has to be uber-mature to make it work successfully. Your children come first to you. His come first to him. You have to arrange your social diary around the childcare you have access to... so does his ex.

Whether you give it more time depends on how much you like the guy and whether you think it's worth it.

the days were just an example, I am flexible, and even if on the few occassions he has to have them for the whole weekend I can understand.My issue isnt so much the days and how often, its more the fact that I dont seem to have a say in when we meet/see each other

Am I making sense??

well, you do have a say, but his children override that everytime, and tbh, so they should. his children will always be his children and deserving of his time, you are his partner, i am sorry but he has his priorities straight.

Also it probably wouldnt bother me as much if the ex made any consessions, but she doesnt, it really is a case of these are the days I want you to watch kids so do it, and he does and then I have to work around it, but if I say can we hook up on xxx day i get all the hoo haa about ex wanting to go this place and that place so he needs to watch kids.

I am n t saying his priorties are screwed up, but I did not force him into this relationship, and just as much I have to work around him is it too much to ask that he be flexible with me too??

no, it isn't too much to ask, but tbh, it sounds like he isn't going to push the issue with the ex. are you very keen on pursuing the relationship?

I think the best thing is to tell him you'd love to see him, but that it's not easy until he sorts out a proper schedule.

His XW seems to be calling the shots, they are recently separated, so perhaps tell him that he sort this out and let you know. If you are flexible then it's not that big of an issue.

You could back off a bit, and see if he sorts himself out in order to see you more. If he does, all well and good, if he doesn't then his loss.

I really do like him, but as I said I know what I am like, I could pretend that I am cool with this set up, but where would that get any of us.

Ex doesnt know about us yet (which for now I dont have a problem with as we have been dating that long), and presuming all what he has told me about her is true, I cant see her making things easy when she does find out even though she was the one who wants the divorce, so your right I cant see him pushing the issue with ex.

From reading the replies I have received it is making look at things differently and I am leaning more towards calling it a day