to wonder if he actually wants to marry me...?

[laydy]

name changed - bit embarassed

Been with dp 3 years. I was still married to my ex when we met, (although long separated). the divorce took ages and only got finalised this august.

Dp proposed to me last summer, made a real big deal out of it, big diamond ring, champagne, down on one knee, but obviously at the time we couldn't get married as I was still married :o

Now I am divorced though - I want to marry dp! We are practically married anyway as we live together and have got a toddler DD! But he hasn't said anything about actually getting married (even though he was the one who proposed!) but has said things like, I can't wait to marry you, but never, when shall we do it, lets book it! I don't want to be the one to bring it up as I want it to be all his choice IYSWIM? I don't want a big do, (did that last time, hated it.) I just want it to be about the two of us.

what do people think? we have been engaged well over a year now :(

wakjing - should have explained, it's like walking but with a bit of a jig

Similar-ish situation here... Both DP and I are divorced (his came through only about a year ago). He's never been 'into' marriage and only married his ex because she said it would make her feel more secure (she left him for someone else after 6 months of marriage!)

We have a DD who is 18 months old and I would like to get married, but in a very quiet, unfussy way, but although he hasn't ruled out getting married, he does make a big thing about saying that if you're committed to someone, a wedding certificate doesn't make much difference. To be fair, he doesn't know I'd like to get married - maybe I should tell him!

This all seems a bit odd - what are you waiting for, a second proposal? Him to wake you up one morning with "surprise! we're getting married! put your dressing gown on and come to the registry office!"? You need to forget about his ex - she is irrelevant now, this is your relationship. FWIW I have been like this before - ooh I don't want to behave like X did - but it's silly because he feels differently about you than he did about her. He asked you to marry him for goodness sake. You shouldn't be feeling worried about expressing your feelings in front of him at this stage?

If you're really that shy about talking about it, how about: "So, when are we going to give DD a chance to wear a bridesmaid's dress then?"

He's probably worrying that you've gone off the idea.

chipping lol @ walkjing :o ...and yeah sometimes I do feel a little bit like that, I love him sooooo much and want to be the best girlfriend I can be. we were both in pretty terrible relationships before finding eachother, I don't know whether thats got anything to do with it. Sad cow aren't I :(

cuddly yeah maybe drop some hints!

Anyway, as I said, I am going to take a deep breath and mention it to him tonight....and I will keep you all posted.

I don't think you're 'a sad cow' but I do think you need to balance 'being the best girlfriend' with 'being yourself' a bit more. You can't spend your whole life working on 'being the best girlfriend (wife??)' - you have to just be yourself and tbh I'd do that for a good 6 months before getting married. Relax, be yourself and see how it goes.

Thanks chipping in :)

Well, guess what? Last night, I BOTTLED OUT OF SAYING ANYTHING I kept going to say something but the words kept getting stuck and wouldn't come out.

Today though I have called the local registry office and am waiting for them to call back to give me some info. and I will try and mention it later.

Laydy - have a think about what I said... my suggestion would be to spend some time being you, doing what you want, saying what you think - not worrying about 'being the best girlfriend' just be you and if it's all still good in 6 months and he still hasn't mentioned a wedding, ask him then how he feels.

I think you are trying to hard right now and you can't keep this up forever, the last thing you want to do is get married then find if either one of you stops 'being on your best behaviour' it doesn't work.

JMHO.