to expect a little more of DH when he's holding the fort?

[BarnMummy]

Do you think your DH / DP would do better / worse or about the same? DH is brilliant with our two DSs, and is generally a pretty domesticated dad. But:-

On Friday I went to a funeral, involving a 250 mile round trip. DH had agreed that he would take the day off to look after DS1 (5) and DS2 (2). I came back after a very emotional day and an exhausting drive back, to find that DH had spent most of the day working (on conference calls and at the computer). It was 7.15, when the DSs are normally in bed / doing stories etc, and they hadn't even had their baths yet.

All I wanted was to sit down with a cup of tea and recover from the day, talking it through with DH, but instead I was launched into bedtime / tidying / unloading the laundry / dishwasher etc in order for us to have a half decent downstairs for the evening.

Then this afternoon I took DS1 to a birthday party, leaving DH with DS2. DH has spent most of the afternoon reading a new book: DS2 has drawn in bright blue pen all over the dining room chairs. DH had not noticed, and it is me who has to try and get the chairs clean - DH has gone back to his book.

yabu - surely he's an adult and he gets to choose what he does? Does he tell you how to run your day?

And you should shout for some help with chair cleaning - if you didn't say anything how would he notice?

YANBU to be pissed off - tell DH that as the drawing incident happened on his watch, he has to clean up the chairs and retire to the bathroom with a big glass of wine, a book and some bubblebath till he's sorted it all out.

FWIW my DH is a great dad - but he just doesnt think ahead about what needs to be done when and would be very much like your DH re bathtime running late etc. - but he does clean up any mess that happens on his watch!

YANBU. I'd chuck the book in the washing machine on a hot wash.

Dinkystinky - the thinking ahead thing I am used to now - it's just his way of doing stuff and I have to accept it if he's looking after the DSs - just it sometimes narks me if I've had a bad day.

Laurie - I did tell him about the chairs - it just didn't seem to occur to him that anything might need to be done about it!! It's a good point about not telling him how to run his day though - I'll try to remember it

hey barnmummy - my dh would probably have got as far as the bath when i got home but then we only have dd (1) and dh is still in the 'check me out i've got this parenting thing licked' stage and makes alot of effort. OR thats because i am scary as hell about dh adhering to my routines with dd so he'd not risk deviating! thats with regard to the funeral day.

the brithday party day however, yanbu. if you already have a 5 year old then your dh KNOWS that 2 year olds crayon liberally unless they are supervised and just, well 2 years have to be supervised end of!

ignore the chairs and if dh complains tell it was his fault so he should deal with it.

I tell my dh the list me things i'm going to do. I then give him the option me choosing to do some of them, or suffer my wrath.

I don't expect him to notice that things need doing. That is wildly optimistic.

It's not just his day he was supposed to be running though - he was holding the fort and whilst how he spends time was his shout there are some things i.e. children's bath and bed which should be pretty much set in stone.

My DH is by no means perfect and often finds his inner toddler but if I come home after DS's normal bedtime he is asleep in bed, and DH has made a few half hearted efforts towards dinner.

DH has more or less redeemed himself by cooking a delicious dinner - cooking well is definitely one of his best traits.
Oh, and the chair covers have come out of the washing machine looking fine, so he has escaped (for now!)

Nonetheless I am tempted by your idea Missbeehiving - could always say I had no idea it was in there and isn't it amazing what toddlers will do if you don't supervise them.....

yanbu it sounds like he has made no effort whatsoever, i would be pissed off
cant believe anyone thinks you are bu
its not just "his day" to spend how he wants, he was supposed to be looking after the dc and sounds like he has just ignored them as much as possible and tried to do his own thing - books/work while they trash the place or amuse themselves, and leaving all the work for you when you get in from a funeral - out of order

YADNBU

yanbu. yes he can spend his time as he likes but the kids still need bathed and put to bed and as he was there and you weren't he should have done it. he shouldn't have left it for you to do after a particularly tough day.

he should also know to supervise the 2 year old.