To think He's a bit of a feeder?!

[OTTMummA]

Before i start, i would like to make it clear that i take full responsibility for what a fat cow i have become.

I am currently at my heaviest ever, too big for me to say comfortably, but my bmi is in the 40s just to give you the idea.

I haven't always been fat, and infact i was a skinny child, and slim teenager.

I have since having DS said practically every week, oh i will be starting on monday, blah, blah.

I have never lasted more than a week or so.

I have never lost a significant amount of weight for a prolonged period.

But i have started to notice a pattern, when ever i state this, the next day my DH will get me a treat, ie, a big bar of chocolate, or half a dozen Krispy Kremes and the like.

He's done it again this week, a whole week of random treats, and when i say, " oh but i can't, thankyou but no " he will get upset!

Im currently being tested for colieac disease amongst other things, and his behaviour is starting to worry my slightly.

I am heavier now than when i met him, by 5st more.
He never tells me he hates the way i look etc.
I don't get it, he seems supportive of when i try to make an effort, except with all the treat giving.

What would you do?

There was that series on Channel 4, something like Cook yourself slimmer? I know there was a cookbook, it involved normal meals with the recipes tweaked a bit? I'll see if I can find it

What about going to WW/ Sliming World or such for a few weeks and buying their books? They will also give you tips and how to incorporate diet/healthy life style into family life and they also tell you how to deal with cravings.
But if you are obese [sorry in case your not] ask GP for a referral to a dietitian or is he waiting to see if you are colieac ?

here you go

Good luck :)

2rebecca- My DH can't cook, well, he can make about 3 meals from scratch, but ive taught him those.
Otherwise he makes stuff out of the freezer.

Now im working, on my day off i bulk cook and freeze things like ragu/bolognese, or shepheards pie's or make a lasange up the night before because im on lates most days and don't get back in time for dinner.
Ds needs to eat before i get home, so i do this as i can't stand him eating frozen/ready meal crap, which is what DH would make if i didn't help.

I just forget about me at the end of the day, and then go off the deep end and gorge on all the bad stuff.

My DH and son are really healthy and fit, and im like a blubber ball rolling about.

Thankyou for that link Berry, i think i've seen a snipet of that programme and turned off because i can't stand one of the presenters, but il try and get that book

canyou- i am thoroughly obese, people saying that doesn't bother me, because its true, im not delusional.

and yes, Doctor has told me to continue the way i am until my tests come back later this week.

"when i say, " oh but i can't, thankyou but no " he will get upset!"

This is the problem, isn't it? It reminds me of when I was trying to quit smoking as a student, there was one bloke who loved making quitting smokers crack.

I finally dealt with him by saying "oh, thank you", taking the cigarette, breaking it in half and putting it into the ashtray. When he looked appalled I said "You know I'm quitting - that's what'll happen with all cigarettes you offer me from now on". He never offered again.

You have to be firm with your DH. Just tell him that you really are going on a diet, that you mean it and you're giving him advance warning that all calorific gifts are going straight in the bin. If he brings you more, that's his lookout. If he sulks, remind him he had fair warning.

Yes, the presenters seemed a bit moronic, I only watched a couple, but liked the lower fat lasagne :)

Why don't you take him to the doctor's with you? I am sure the dr would be very supportive of you losing weight, as at your weight there can be serious health consequences. Maybe being told by a health professional that your weight could mean you will die young will make your DH take things more seriously.

Oh, and don't do fad diets - they are pointless!

Josie - my mum did something similar to a bloke who was pestering and pestering her to let him buy her a drink. (coming on to her, not being nice ) she said no thanks many times but he wouldn't stop, so she ordered the most expensive drink she could think of and then poured it at his feet.

I think when people will not take no thank you for an answer, you have to get tough

Maybe he's trying to tell you he loves you as you are, and not to worry about dieting if it's for his sake?

Sometimes men just need things gently spelled out in words of one syllable. I'm sure he'll understand and be supportive if you ask him kindly but clearly to show his love through the medium of flowers, spa appointments, offers to babysit etc rather than chocolate.

Re cook books - "In the mood for food" by Jo Pratt has some fantastic healthy recipes in there eg steamed lemon and tarragon chicken with baby veg or soy glazed salmon with asian rice salad..it also has some lovely salads which would be great for a healthy packed lunch.

Classic example of passive aggressive behaviour. Sabotage dressed up as niceness so person can easily defend themself against accusation of being mean. He feels threatened by the idea of your losing weight, whether he realises that or not.

Next time you start a diet, don't tell him.

Agree if I need to lose a few pounds I don't make a great announcement to my husband and just go out running more and eat smaller helpings and more fruit and veg. He usually only notices when I've lost the weight.

OTT - get food in the house that you like, in terms of balanced meals, well healthier than what you're doing anyway. Think of you, for once, your feeding a family and working, you must improve this not just for you but for all of you.

I agree with the poster above who says, if he wants to treat you, flowers etc are the way to go if you don't want the sugary foods.

You sound lovely btw, no wonder he wants to treat you, but just not with sugar ok? :)

My DH is very similar. I always jokingly call him a feeder. He likes sweets and crisps and is annoying thin despite living on crap.

I try to eat healthily but my bmi is over 30 now (I'm pregnant again so no dieting) and he always brings me sweets that I like and suggests take aways when I'm stressed.

It is very annoying but I think he's just trying to say he loves me the way I am. I was always thin until I had my 3rd child, then the forth...

After I have this one I'm going on a seaweed diet or something radical

I stayed up late last night and made a 5 day meal plan and the food will be here tomorrow morning, this is my meal plan:

W: Avacado,salsa and chicken wrap, Chicken and mushroom casserol with rice.

T: Spicy chicken salad, aubergine parmigiana with meatballs for the boys, salad for me.

F: Hot smoked salmon wraps, Homemade pizza with ham, veg and tomatoes.

S: Jacket potato with beans + cheese Spagetti Bolognese.

S: Poached eggs on toast with mushrooms, and bacon for the boys, Roast Chicken Dinner and frangipan tarts ( a la jamie )

I didn't put breakfast down, but i always have the same in the weekday, porridge.

I've bought some lemon cordial aswell, no one else likes it, so its all mine! hopefully i can cut down on the Fizz with that.
I know its not all low fat, etc, but im going to work on reducing my portions and take it from there.

sounds delicious.

That sounds like a really good meal plan. When I was dieting I used to snack on cherry tomatoes all the time.
Also don't know if you want to/have time for WW but they have some good ideas so maybe you could buy a book if you don't want to go to meetings.

Thanks!
I haven't told DH about it yet, im hoping he will just eat what he is given !
I got some sausages aswell if he really doesn't like any of the meals

Am looking forward to it coming tomorrow :)

Nice work on the plan! Good luck.

Not everyone likes them but I actually love rice cakes and I ate masses of them when I was losing weight.

Also another good one from one of the WW threads on here: Fry Light spray, use it to fry massive amount of mushrooms and have them on toast. V low in calories and filling.