To be absolutely fuming with dh (long, sorry)

[brassick]

I just need to get this off my chest...

Last year, dh bought some tickets for the american football at Wembley. Very sadly, one of the people who was meant to be going lost his wife in the week prior to the match, and obviously didn't go. As dh didn't ask everyone to pay for the tickets at the point he bought them (about 9 months before the match), he didn't feel he could ask this person for the money, and we basically lost the £70.

This year, dh bought 2 tickets (again about 9 months before the match) for the match which is today. A couple of weeks ago, the person he was meant to be going with was rushed into hospital, is still there, and therefore is obviously not able to go to the match. This person said "I'll see if my brother wants to go, and if he doesn't I'll pay you for the ticket myself" (which in my mind is the right thing to do). The brother happens to be the person who didn't go last year due to his wife dying.

Dh and the brother go off this morning to get the coach to London (we are in South Wales) - it has been arranged by the friend in hospital that they would travel with a local american football team who are laying on a coach. After they had been waiting for an hour, they find out that the coach has been cancelled, but no-one has bothered to tell them.

There is no feasible way for them to get there at such short notice without incurring much more cost, so they have decided not to go, which is very disappointing for them.

When I went to pick them up, I discover that the brother has given dh £25 (the ticket is £70), and it has been agreed that dh can try and get the money back of his friend who is in hospital...

I am so incredibly annoyed about this. I know for a fact that if it was dh, he would have offered the money straight away with no question. But he doesn't expect other people to act the same.

I bought Take That tickets for 2 other people on Friday and they are sending me the money tomorrow. This, to me, is the normal way you do these things. But because dh is basically soft and disorganised, and doesn't like asking people for money they owe him, we are currently £115 down on american football over the last 2 years. Not to mention the £70 for his ticket for today that he can't use because someone somewhere is disorganised...

AIBU to be annoyed?

YANBU to be annoyed with DH.

He really needs to get the money from everyone the week he buys the tickets. As he has just proven, anything can happen in such a long time lag.

You'd have thought the "once bitten, twice shy" rule would have applied this year.

He has called his friend (in hospital) and talked to him about the money - he has said he will pay the difference.

I am now the one feeling bad, as dh would never have broached the subject with his friend if I hadn't gone so mad about it.

And dh has retreated to bed, and is bitterly disappointed about missing out on this.

So we're all feeling shit.

It's a shame and also proper bad luck! I think you should let it go...it's 45 quid whic is not a small amount but compared to dead wives and illness...its nothing...I'm like your DH and would suck it up...he wont buy tickets for thers agin so lesson learned.

I know it's "only" £45, but it's £45 that we can't really afford to just throw away.

I suppose it's more his attitude about these things that is annoying than the actual money or amounts.

I know for sure that if I had died, or if he was in hospital, he would still be offering the money, he is a very honourable person and will always go out of his way to make sure he is not putting other people out - to ridiculous lengths sometimes - but doesn't expect the same from other people, which has been driving me mad for the 18 years I have known him.

Of course this means he is a nice person, and I am probably not, but sometimes we can't afford to always be the nice ones. We don't have unlimited money...

Yes, we have had a discussion along these lines already...

Please don't let him buy any more American Football game tickets. They are clearly jinxed!

If money is tight I can see why you are annoyed but I do sort of think your DH sounds like a nice guy. I much rather a person who is daft with money (like my DP ) than one who is tight.

It's only fucking money. I'd pay £45 to not have my DP bitch at me about it.

What? He isn't bitching about it. If anything, I am...

Absolutely fuming is ott tbh. Your husband is a honourable guy. Be proud but tell him he needs to plan so this doesn't happen again. You have your husband and are not ill. Some things are just not worth the consequences.

That's what she meant brassick!

My brother still owes me £115 - I guess I'm a softy like your Dp - but I would hate it if my Dh was always moaning at me about it!!

Surely though, being "honourable" should not be at the expense of his own family every time?

I think "absolutely fuming" is probably over the top, and part of it was because I was so disappointed for dh.

Just a crap day all round, I think.

Well, honourable to me would be your DH's friends offering the money for the ticket to your DH BEFORE he pays for them. Because they must have realised he had to pay for the tickets well in advance of the event.

What? He isn't bitching about it. If anything, I am...

I know. People who berate others because they don't do things the way they would make my teeth itch.