to be astounded at being asked to buy christmas gifts for the adults and not the children?

[mysteryfairy]

DH comes from a big family, with lots of siblings, most have lots of offspring. At the moment the oldest of the new generation is 16 and the youngest are tiny babies so all still children for gift buying purposes.

A few years ago the whole family stopped buying for everyone else as it was getting totally unmanageable and we started pulling names out of a hat so each sibling (and partner if applicable) and each child had one present bought for xmas by someone in the family.

This year it has been requested that the rough budget be increased for the adults but not the children . DH and I have actually got the maker of this request to buy for so though I have always in previous year's blown the budget for everyone I have bought for I am tempted towards meanness or maybe a very generous charity gift.

We've now had an email circulated requesting that in future years we should only buy for adults and not children!

I am totally astounded that anyone would suggest this. Surely this is the opposite of normal and they are BVU.

Between my siblings we buy each other nice birthday presents but only buy for the children at xmas.

DamselInDisgrace - you are right, the suggester is definitely seeing the budget as a minimum spend.

The budget is not token IMHO but neither is it really enough to buy something decent that an adult or adult couple would want.

Startanise - you should nip to Sainsbos. I bought a load of sylvanian stuff in the half price toy sale.

Already been... and stocked up on the Stars Wars lego, Barbie princesses, Thomas sets etc. I just resent spending hard-earned money on a random exchange of plastic tat that will end up forgotten by the end of January.

In my day we had a tangerine and lump of coal and thought ourselves lucky

Last Christmas we were told by the Chief Whip (SIL) that we were buying presents for the children only. Were frankly relieved as I was on maternity leave and we were dreading having to buy six adult presents. Picked lovely wooden educational toys for the five nieces and nephews. Turned up on Christmas day to discover that they (PIL and SIL) had totally ignored their own rule and bought us expensive gifts. DP and I were very embarassed.
I just don't do what anyone tells me anymore.

I do love buying gifts for the children. I can remember for instance totally thrilling my oldest niece with some love from australia boots. Another year I got another niece a wheely bug and ever single child under the age of eight went wild for it.

I can't leave it to DH as he is a rubbish shopper and I don't want to disappoint nieces/nephews this year.

If it does go to adults only it's all his. I enjoy shopping for my DSiss as we have similar taste but struggle for DH's siblings as I don't know them so well.

He wants to ask for a specific and expensive alcohol this year to avoid the M&S gift packs scenario - I don't drink

We do the same in my family - each sibling+family buys for one other sibling+family. The "children" are a bit older though, between 8 and 25, but it still only makes sense for each family unit to buy for one other family unit otherwise you'd have to buy for about 45 people!

MoonUnitAlpha - I agree it is the best way to go in a huge family.

I think we possibly made a mistake by dividing adults and children up separately. We originally did this because there were families with between one and five children and we wanted the children to get roughly equal gifts regardless of how many siblings they had without some adult siblings having to spend five times as much as others.

I'm now thinking it would be better if we each got one other family and bought for that family. This would allow any adult who wanted to benefit from the present giving to ask that their children not be bought for and the whole budget be spent on the adults. Conversely DH and I could ask that only our children be bought for. I have asked DH to suggest this, but he won't because he claims to have no strong opinion on the matter and thinks I am Scrooge like to object to the requested upping of the budget by his brother.

I guess the downside of that scheme would be that some children would be left with no presents to open at the family get together if any adult was hardfaced enough to go through with asking for presents for themselves above the kids.

In DH's family aunts and uncles buy for the kids until they are 18.

Another one asking you to move up on the minority bench - we're quite a small family so we buy for everyone but if someone had suggested not buying for kids they would still have mountains of stuff and doubt they'd miss it.

Divvying up so each 'family' buys for another 'family' does sound like it might be a better way forward though for you.

we buy only for children but there are only 6 children, tho half of them belong to my sis. we say under £20 and if £20 was split between my sis's dc, there would be no prob as she understands as she has 3 kids and everyone else ha 1 dc each, £20 each would be alot to have to spend on her kids.

as im single i get absolutly no gifts for xmas, i couldnt careless about that tbh. if i want or need anything i will buy it and do tend to treat myself to a nice xmas pressie.

i have a male friend who emails everyone his amazon wish list, cheecky bugger i recon. I dont buy for friends either, just a token gift of about a fiver from dd to people who i know will buy for her.

your sisnlaw is bu

We do a family meal out and don't buy presents for aunties/cousins. They usually get my dds something as they haven't come the last two years (Dads weekend) but this year it will be all of us so they won't get presesnts.

My aunts in laws have a weekend away together for Xmas. They are all teens +

I think that you should do what you want to do and leave the rest of the family to their own devices. So, if you want to buy for the children, then do so. It's up to you, regardless of what other family members emails dictate. I would tell them all that you have decided to opt out of their system and will be making your own arrangements.

Merry Christmas

In my family we all buy for everyone (DH and I each have two siblings all of whom have partners and some of whom who have children).

A few years ago, once everyone started having children we did send round an e-mail. It was sometime in January and simply said another thank you to everyone for their lovely gifts (we'd already said this in person/sent letters) and that we wanted people to know where we stood budget-wise so it didn't get embarrassing next Christmas. We said that we'd spend about £5 on children and about £10 on adults and that we wanted others to know we were always happy with preloved/regifted/secondhand presents for us/our DCs.

The response was positive; one SiL was thrilled as she'd not known how to broach the subject, my parents have always worked to budgets, DH's parents said "thanks but we like spending lots of money" and the other SiLs said it didn't matter to them at the time but they appreciated knowing because once they started breeding they wouldn't be able to sustain giving at the rate they were doing so at that time.

I guess there's a difference between us being very open about how much we would be spending and one person in a family instructing others to do things in a particular way. I like choosing things for my nieces and nephews and pick up some fantastic bargains over the year.

My friends husband has a very large family and shes told me of the great way they organise Xmas and birthdays.

Each child gets £5 off each family in an envelope at Xmas and birthdays.

Adults get a gift per family approx £5

The children end up with about £60 off aunties and uncles,enough to buy a good gift.

The adults gifts range from a gift for the family dog,a tin of sweets to 3 boxes of posh tissues.

Going against the grain here but in our family the kids get more than enough off Santa so I would prefer dh and I to get a decent present rather than more for the dcs.

Have a tiny tiny family but on balance I think gifts are for giving and graciously receiving. It is for the giver to decide not for the receiver to dictate. The more I think about it the ruder it seems.

I think the "no presents for the kids" e-mail is a bit odd. We've always bought for our neices and nephews - 6 in total. A few are grown up now, 23,21 and 20. One of SILs said last year that we shouldn't buy for them any more - I was If I want to buy pressies for my nieces then I will! Our DC are still small (1 and 7) so their aunts/uncles still buy for them