Do you let your DC's ring up friends and invite themselves over?

[sandyballs]

We're talking 9 year olds here. DD's friend has just rung to say her parents are out later and can she come over and play and go trick and treating.

DH has just said well ring her back and tell her no if you're not happy with it. But what can I say? She knows we're in and going trick and treating with neighbours.

It just feels a bit rude and imposing. Or am I really mean? She's a nice enough kid but very strong character and really bosses DD around.

If you don't want her just call and tell her parents (not her) that you have arrangements already and can't accommodate her daughter but you hope they get childcare sorted for her.

No, I wouldn't let 8y DD do this, even with very close friends. If anything, I would do the talking to parents myself, never DD at this age.

I think YABU tbh.

Your DD's friend may have been put up to this by her parents who can't be bothered to arrange childcare. In which case they are being very rude and imposing as you say.

But if she's done it on her own initiative, congrats to her for being confident enough, and big congrats to you for having a home and family that other kids want to spend time with.

This one's a bit of a bugbear for me because I was rarely allowed friends home as a kid. Friend's houses with friendly relaxed parents were a great sanctuary from a weird home environment. I don't think any of my friend's parents realised how grateful I was to them.

So please feel free to discount my opinion as I can't be objective about it the subject at all!

Funnily enough, I won't let my DCs invite themselves over to other people's houses, as I think it's a little rude, but if one of their mates invites themselves here (or turns up on the doorstep, which is much the same thing), I don't usually mind. But I'll say no if it's not convenient.

My dcs know that if they want to go round to a friend's house only a parent-to-parent chat will suffice!

no I wouldn't let my ds do this but it wouldn't really bother me if one of his friends phoned and invited himself over, as long as ds wanted the boy to come round.

kids turning up on doorstep is a daily occurence here

""DD's friend has just rung to say her parents are out later and can she come over and play and go trick and treating.""
If she said "can I ..." she hardly invited herself did she , she just asked if it would be ok.

"This one's a bit of a bugbear for me because I was rarely allowed friends home as a kid. Friend's houses with friendly relaxed parents were a great sanctuary from a weird home environment. I don't think any of my friend's parents realised how grateful I was to them.
"

God, yes. I also felt like this, and funnily enough, my friends didn't tend to invite themselves to our house either, once they bee once or twice. That said, I would never have dreamt of ringing and inviting myself over to someone's house. I may have saaid that my parents were going out, and so would they like to come over, to which the response was usually, 'Oh but you could come to ours and play xxx/watch xxx instead?'. Job done with no cheekiness involved!

same here, i was always at everyone elses, no one ever wanted to come to mine till i was older.i had the same feelings rod,everone elses homes seemed so much calmer and safer than mine.

So the 9 year old has asked you if she can come over?

I'd've passed the 9 yr old on to my dd and let dd decide if she wanted this friend over or not.

By age 9, I pretty much kept out of all their social arrangements.

Presumably your DD took the call? I'd be teaching my own children to say "I'll have to check with mum and dad" before giving an answer.

If you took the call, you should have said no then and there.

The decision should not have been made for you - if it was made for you by her friend and DD then its your DD you need to deal with, if this is a problem.