Arghh new mum and dad to be who want to do it their way!!

[looblee]

I love my friends but they've got a baby and keep TELLING us what to do when our baby arrives and worse how we are going to feel.

Buy this don't but that, do this, dont do that, DONT under any circumstances FIND OUT THE SEX!! we have and we arent telling them because obviously they don't want to know, but WE DO!

Can we do this our way I wonder??

We'd like to have our own opinion, find things out for ourselves, they think they are being kind by passing on their knowledge but its never a chat or discussion it feels more like a lecture that makes me in particular feel a bit stupid. The thing is they are doing to us exactly what they moan to us that other people did and still do to them.

Not sure if this is just a moan or if I want to do something about it!

Reading this thread made me laugh. I always I had a small bump throughout my pregnancy and everyone at work thought it was such a huge concern, when cake was in the office, someone used to make sure I was always offered a second piece, if I wanted it or not, it got left on my desk.

The lady who sat beside me used to ask what I was craving today, every single day. It used to drive me insane. She'd offer to bring in her mothers cooking.

I moaned to some of my male workmates when she asked me out to lunch with a few other girls who had been standing over my desk discussing the horors of pregnancy, I faked too busy.

The boys started taking the piss out of me. Cue patronising voice "what have you eaten today, oohhh I'm not sure that snickers bar is good for the baby"

It got the point that when I gave birth and first saw him I exclaimed "oh he's not a midget, he's perfect"

The Midwife did raise her eyebrow..

Nod, agree, do exactly what YOU want!
Listen to what everyonehas to say, then pick which information you think is helpful.

I went to see a couple who had a new baby when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant. She clucked around telling me things like "if you've not discovered online shopping yet, do it now" and wanting to give everyone a demo of her skills at breast feeding. I just raised and eyebrow and pointed at my toddler in the corner, climbing on her bookshelves. (It irritated the holy crap out of me.)

Some people just like giving advice. An acquaintance who has a 10mo baby keeps telling me about the important issues of bringing up a child (like how to feed, how to foster independence etc). Doesn't let my 4yo and 6yo put her off. I salute her doggedness.

I found the same when I was pregnant (even people who did not have children were telling me what to do - in fact they were the worst). The most annoying thing was being told what I shouldn't eat / drink when people who knew me well knew I had a msc in nutrition.

It is really wearing but just try to remember she thinks she is trying to help, grit your teeth and think of chocolate ice cream or alternatively say thank you for the advice but you have actually discussed things and have decided how you want to do stuff yourself.

don't know which is worse, 'people who don't have babies' or 'people who did and didn't enjoy the first year'..

If the people are really friends it should be easy to drop a hint like "sorry but everyone is giving me advice at the moment can we just have a chat?"
On the other hand make sure that in the chat you aren't giving them a monologue on your pregnancy.
If you're wanting to chat about your pregnancy/ the baby etc then it's not surprising that they want to join in the conversation with their views. That isn't imposing their views on you, that's just them wanting to get involved in the conversation.

It does ease after about the first two years...

then you have another one

I have had this loads, smile, nod, thank them for the great advice, ignore them totally.

If someone tries to get involved once the baby is here then just say, "do you think your way is the only way?" or "actually I don't agree with that, but I'd never critize you for it"